Talitha cumi. . .and I listened

Staying Positive

2012-01-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

Needless to say, it was a tough first week back at work. First, I was on a bad sleep schedule not nice for waking up at 5:30am. Second, the holidays have passed me by. From October to December 31st, I really enjoy myself--baking, the seasons of change, the holiday celebrations and traditions, etc. Finally, my kids don't do well with a break in the schedule.

The first week back made my classroom felt like a war zone. The security guards agreed with me on Wednesday.

However, I am feeling more positive than I have in quite some time. Since it's the new year, I know it won't be too long before some changes happen that will make my life less stressful. As I continue to pray for these things, I try to focus on how to make each day the best it can be...and I try to focus on not being negative. I am more toward that "glass half empty" than "glass half full"...

I can't wait to see what the new year will bring!

So far, the new year has brought fun with our family and next weekend one of my very best friends is coming to visit us for the weekend...what a great way to start January! November and December were so stressful it is just even more wonderful to have a less stressful month.

Despite the drama this week, I managed to not be injured by any of it and somehow, I have managed to not become ill despite my husband and 7 of 9 students being sick. Now THAT is a true miracle!

Over the break I finally managed to catch up with scrapbooking--I made 4 whole books (and 3 trips to Joann's) during the break! Talk about being productive! My next project will be for the house--I bought wooden picture frames to paint in a "ROYGBIV" formation--I am thinking about doing that at some point this month, but we shall see.

I am so thankful for God granting these great positive things to me this January. It is so easy to fall back into the same patterns. I am reading through the Bible again (I love apps on cell phones!) and reading about Abram-->Abraham...thinking...yes, we love repeating patterns. It's bad enough I like things arranged in a certain way!

Thankful for the newness of the new year!

2012

2012-01-01T15:19:00.000-08:00

A new year.

365 days.

12 months.

4 seasons. (Kind of)

A new chapter.

It's been a wonderful holiday break and I am sad to see it go...but if Christmas and New Year's has passed...at least we're moving on toward the summer break!

Woo hoo! It's been a fast 2011, and now we're getting ready for a busy, enjoyable 2012!

Praying for snow, more family times, and lots of excitement.

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*S*N*O*W*

Christmas Break

2011-12-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

These days, it seems like I only have time for writing when I have a holiday...the last time I wrote was during my Thanksgiving break from work!

Here I am, finally enjoying my Christmas break. It's already the 2nd weekday of the 2-week experience, and I am already dreading January 3rd.

It seems that time up until the break DRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS like a parent up at 3am on Christmas morning....but once the break arrives, time passes by as fast as you can say, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, but I do hate the stress that it causes. Working 12+ hours a day, 5 days a week, gets to be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining after months on end. While I understand and appreciate perseverance as a good character trait, I also appreciate the idea of rest. However, it seems that others need me when I want to be resting. Even in my "absence" of leaving campus, I get calls from the principal. In the two days I took off after a full year, I had emails galore and a few disasters to fix. Bummer.

REST.

This is a foreign word to me. Even when I am exhausted and already extremely busy, it is very difficult for me to say "no" when someone needs my help or asks me to do something. I know my natural instincts: HELP EVERYONE, FORGET YOUR NEEDS.

But somewhere in there, I miss the fine line between "just the right amount of help" and "over-concern."

I just can't say no.

I love helping people. Ever since I was a young child, I have had interest in "helping" professions. Never did I once choose a profession to "be my own" that didn't involve some sort of crazy, super-human exertion: doctor, lawyer, SPED teacher...Peace Corps, missionary.

Here I am many years later....over-worked, tired, burned out.

And I've only been at this for 4.5 years!!

Supposedly, things get better with age....I am praying that over time, this temporary career becomes less burdensome. I love to help and support my students, but I know that I need to take care of myself, too.

In the meantime, I am finally celebrating the season: gingerbread houses, Christmas trees, an upcoming Christmas Eve service...all things that I look forward to about Christmas.

I can be very thankful to have made it to this Christmas and be blessed with being able to see without things appearing to be in "doubles...." very thankful indeed. I can also be very thankful that I have managed to survive my job to this point despite lots of drama and some very tough, challenging students.

But the thing I can be most thankful for is this: that where my strength gives out, God's strength does not. When my patience gives out, God's patience does not. When my will to keep going gives out, God's does not.

....and when all my enemies are stacked against me, God is there. I know He is. He is the reason I've made it thus far and the reason that I will keep going and do so (to the best of my ability) with integrity.

I am VERY VERY thankful for God.

Christmas

2011-11-29T16:19:00.000-08:00

We were decorating for the holidays and I brought....

An advent calendar
Basket
Cookies
Doughnut
Eggnog
Fir tree
Gingerbread house
Hohoho
Icicles
Jack and the beanstalk
Kit-kats shaped like Santa
Lemongrass smoothie
Milk
Noel
Oreos dipped in white chocolate
Peppermint pattie
Queens tea
Reindeer
Snowflakes
Truffles
Underside of a Christmas tree
Velcro
White Christmas
Xylophone
Yuletide cheer
Zeal for Christmas.

Apparently, we really enjoy playing this game on the road. We have a tree on top of our car and we are almost home to decorate!!!

Skiing toward the holidays...

2011-11-26T08:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a hot minute since I blogged! Oops!

Here is our car game:

I'm on a ski trip to Whistler and I brought...
Andes mints
Base
Coats
Deodorant
Eyeballs
Furs
Gourds
Hats
Ice scraper
Jug of water
Kit-Kats
Lemons
Marshmallow fluff
Nanook
Opossum
Poles
Quail
Ring
Stuttering Stanley
Turkey
Upset stomach
Vacuum
Watercress sandwich
Xenophobic person
Yoyoma
Zebra

We made it all the way to the end!!

Over the river and through the woods, to whistler we go!

Welcome, Fall!

2011-09-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, today begins what officially seems to be our lovely fall season.

I am very excited! I love fall and winter--they are such fun seasons. Plus, I must admit that I have great disdain for summer. It has it's purpose and place on the calendar...but it is my least favorite season.

Now come the beautiful colors of leaves, the holidays, SNOW ( I HOPE!!), and plenty of time for sweaters, coats, and boots.

THE BEST!

Plus, last year I missed all of fall and most of winter...especially fall. I couldn't see at all during the fall, so viewing the shades of red, yellow, and orange seems thrilling.

Now if only the Lord would take away the nightmare I call work...but then what would I be learning?

I guess my continual faltering has a great future purpose. The drama may later proceed to having a fruitful harvest of "AHA!" moments.

While I'm living/surviving it, I can't see the immediate benefits of my current predicament. And it does feel like "survival of the fittest" at this point...

...but I know it won't be without good in the end.

I have to rethink this every five minutes. Tick tock.

My many names...

2011-09-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

As followers of Christ, we are often exposed to new facets of ourselves....sometimes at an alarming rate.

We have many hats to wear, right?

Lately, I've been thinking of all the names I've ever had, past, present, and future. I will talk about some of them here, and others are just for me to think about in my own moments of "deep thought..." but no matter what, we play different roles in the lives of others...sometimes for a period, sometimes for eternity, sometimes until the last breath of life here.

All this to say, we can't sum up the question, "Who are you?" with only a few words or a sentence...instead; we are summed up in SO many words. We can't look at a person and place a singular label on them without considering the fact that we are only seeing one snapshot of a very oddly shaped person. Oddly shaped and still being molded, in fact.

Most of us start as someone's baby. In fact, all of us start this way, even if we aren't claimed, then opening up a whole new can of worms. As a baby, we are dependent on someone to meet all of our needs and desires. We need food. We need a rocking chair. We need a non-stink-infested diaper. ;)

Then we get a little feistier. We become either "son" or "daughter" rather than people simply referring to us as "the baby" (which happens by force of nature...and also sometimes because hey, you just can't tell!). Still having our needs met, but attempting to meet some of our own independently.

Moving on up, you get into that labeled crowd: the goody-goody (that was me), the jock, the really loud person, the bookworm (also me), the cheerleader, the drop-out, etc.

Finally, things start to get serious. The "CAREER" labels begin. You're a doctor, a lawyer, a cafeteria worker, a gardener, a teacher, a mother. A wife, then becoming a best friend on a whole new level, thus more labels! The best cook, the cleaner, the organizer, the queen of the social calendar, the hugger, the listening ear.

After you hit the career labels, you might take a sweep down "Specifics Lane," saying you're a "hard worker," level-headed, spastic, that you over-analyze everything, that you're a "Fixer" (this is me), or that you're a go-getter.

As a mom, you're a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a personal trainer, a psychologist, a therapist, a garbage woman.

As a teacher, I am a booty-wiper, a snot cleaner, a speech coach, a sign language interpreter, a mind reader, an expert at using google to find pictures, and a big fan of Boardmaker.

WOW!

So who am I really? To each person, I show up with a different label of who I am or who that specific person wishes me to be.

To break it all down, I think it goes back to that son and daughter phase. What we often do not realize that all of these labels that define us are our finite attempts to place labels on who we are when we just can't figure out what God is trying to tell us.

Hey, I think I'm good at this, I'll try it awhile. OK, all done, on to another label to figure out who I am.

I find myself being one of those very specific people, often forgetting that yes, there IS in fact just one word that I can describe myself was being...and that word is DAUGHTER. And since I like to be specific, I'd make a sentence fragment: "Daughter of a King."

Of course, from there, I could go on to make the diagram....but for now, I need to focus more on letting GOD tell ME who I am rather than trying to figure it out for myself or let someone else try to define it for me.

For now, I pray that I will allow God to continue to mold me into the person He wants me to be. Honestly, we are all still in the child phase and will continue to be there...we have a Parent providing our needs and protecting us even through our failed attempts at being independent....because at the end of the day, He knows that we want to be tucked in by Him even if we were "mad" at Him all day.

The end....or another beginning....

2011-08-28T18:28:00.000-07:00

Another summer comes to a close for me...

Tomorrow is my final day of rest before the first teacher work day of another year.

This year should be interesting.

A new VP, the drama with my never ending battle against the people who are supposed to support me, new adventures at the VA Hospital in the kitchen, 2 new students, .... the husband in school, Special Olympics starting right away, ....

And thinking that next year there is an 80% possibility of me moving on to a different job. I've been thinking about possibly doing consulting teaching if I can find a position (kind of an administrative position over a few schools SPED teachers) or at least moving closer to home so I can bike and not have such a long commute....and I must admit I am hoping to find a more supportive place next year.

It has really been an internal battle to stay for this year. I have already signed that contract...but the more I think about it, the more I would just like to run away. The drama I have at work didn't exist for the last two months, and I must admit that I've never been more at ease. I want that. I want to at least not be so intensely stressed out about work and psycho parents...and absent administrators.

This is yet another reason why I am so excited that the hubby is returning to school....I am ready to not be the breadwinner/sugar mommA.

My second year at my last job was much smoother....I am praying that this upcoming school year will prove that the second year is half as difficult! Now that I've figured out who the best helpers are at the school and I know the majority of the kids from last year, I feel safe saying that at least there will be some things that are easier!

However, I lost two of my hardest-working, easiest students...and I am apparently gaining two more that may prove to be much more difficult. Only time will tell.

I know that God can do anything, and I am praying that He will make this second year a breeze. Last year was tough for SO many different reasons....and I trust that the Lord will provide me with some relief after surviving and crossing that finish line.

In other news, our trees got haircuts and I am currently hiding at a WIFI establishment to escape the pounding on our roof. While everything did not go as planned for our home improving summer, I am very thankful that both of these huge tasks are done as I stare another school year in the face. Additional home stressors are not needed when beginning a new year! :)

Until Tuesday, trusting that the Lord will provide!

It's Official

2011-08-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

It's official!

Why so happy, you might ask?

My husband is completely registered for his classes for the fall semester! He will be taking three classes: PSYCH, Nutrition, & ENG Composition. That only leaves 2 for winter quarter: CHEM & a second PSYCH class!

How did all of this come about? Lots of hard work, diligence, discussions, prayer, and focusing on the future.

He has desired to finish his nursing out here, but waiting for our "in-state" tuition put that off until the beginning of July, which is when it all began.

The hospital the husband works at may not be his permanent stopping ground, so he was reluctant to try and have them pay for his courses. We are still going though the process of applying for financial aid, and we are trusting that the Lord will provide the funds to pay for at least 2/3 of his school. Currently, we've already paid for the three classes...just waiting to see if financial aid will go through because we may be reimbursed!

After these prerequisite courses, he will apply to nursing school in the fall of next year--the LPN degree is 3 quartears; the RN ladder is 3 after that....so this fall starts the 3 year countdown for my husband to finish his degree!

Very exciting times for him--so proud! God has already provided us with so much to be thankful for! He keeps on pouring out the blessings! Now there are only 5 prerequisites instead of 8! Amen!

Now it's really summer "break"

2011-08-18T11:58:00.001-07:00

So summer school finished with a bang. Not really a bang, more like a really strong bite and a few mighty kicks to my shin!

Either way, a certain sense of accomplishment was felt upon finishing....extra money earned to pay for home improvements (amongst other things), more professional experience, new friends, the ability to get to know a whole new set of kids quite well in 6 weeks....it was a great experience.

Now what am I doing with my time, you ask?

Cramming in fun, entertaining and spending time with an out of town friend (a nice, cooler experience for her!), cleaning, baking, knitting (yes, I finally relearned and am enjoying myself), jewelry making, gardening, stocking up on groceries....and best of all....helping my husband to get started on his higher degree.

With his official ID number and welcoming email, he will start on his trek to the finish line: becoming an RN.

How exciting! I now get be a study buddy...it'll be interesting NOT being involved in the actual classes!

I am so proud of my husband for getting started. It is going to be a tough road ahead, but we will work on it together!

We are praying for him to get into at least 4 classes/semester so he can HOPEFULLY get started on the nursing program next fall! Our intent is for him to work full-time this year, then once he gets into the program we will have to modify that schedule at work....praying for me to be able to make up enough extra money between summer school etc. to continue paying for our necessary home repairs, mortgage, car loans, and his school.

Our specific prayer is that the Lord will provide us with 2/3 of his overall tuition to be paid for; we can cover the rest. God has told us to ask SPECIFICALLY and we trust that just as He has met our financial (and other) needs in the past, HE will once again meet these easily.

I pray for my heart to be CERTAIN that God will honor His promises.

I pray for my husband to persevere as he goes to school full-time and works full-time....and that I will not grow weary in helping him as I have done this before and remember the exhaustion quite well.

God is faithful. He has proven this a multitude of times over...and I trust that HE will do so again.

Thanks in advance. ;)

Ramblings of a teacher...

2011-07-31T19:32:00.002-07:00

I've decided that someone out there has to write a book called, "You Know You're a Special Education Teacher When..." and fill it with anecdotal comments we find ourselves repeating/hearing from our students.

It's weird, but yes, I am that person who loves writing down quotes. Somewhere on my hard drive full of pictures, there is a Microsoft Word document filled with hilarious quotes attributed to friends, students, and sometimes my own utterances that just don't come out right. I love remembering these things.

So here we are...it's time for another list entry. You know You're a SPED teacher when....

1. You say, "When you don't listen, I have to take your squishy."

2. You have beads everywhere in your purse...because some kids really need a necklace.

3. You carry gloves everywhere...because you never know when you might need them! This includes date night and outside of the school.

4. You talk about poop stories etc. without realizing that others don't normally talk about this. This may include reminding friends that baby poop doesn't bother you.

5. Self-stim behaviors of your students can easily be repeated when you tell stories about school.

6. You discover that yes, you too, have autistic tendencies.

7. You carry around stim toys and offer them to co-workers in a bind.

8. You speak in acronymns.

9. "Safe hands and feet" has great meaning to you.

10. You start to think about ways to record yourself saying your repeated sayings so your throat won't hurt so bad at the end of the day.

11. You wish you could put up videos of your students on YouTube because you know others would appreciate the humor, but you don't because of legal purposes.

12. You understand that mayo, pudding, and ketchup all make up a new food group that isn't on the pyramid.

13. You never sit down. When you get home, you forget you can.

14. You tell your husband things in "If, then" format. You may also ask, "Was that the best idea?"

15. You know way too much about Dora, Thomas, Sponge Bob, buses, and trains.

16. You love making tables using Microsoft Word. You also are very excited about organized data sheets using the same program.

17. You wish you had a tape recorder because people would never believe some of the things your students' parents say to you.

18. You walk/run to the bathroom very quickly.

19. Visual aides are your best friends.

20. You have "kids" whether you physically "had" them or not.

21. The word "transportation" makes you feel slightly stressed that somehow, you'll be late or have to wait for a long time on hold.

22. You sometimes state that your goal for the day is survival.

23. No matter where you are, you watch kids running to make sure an adult is chasing them.

24. You've been embarrassed in a public place because your student is a sneaky, sneaky food thief.

25. "Hands out of pants" is a phrase you have to use often.

26. Your students remember dates better than you do.

27. Your students remember promises better than you do.

28. When all else fails, every kid knows the words to "Jingle Bells" and "The Wheels On the Bus."

29. You talk about texture issues.

30. You love Fit Balls.

31. You understand how complicated it can be to explain a step-by-step activity.

32. You love to see your students accomplish even the smallest goals.

33. You laugh almost constantly because your kids are so funny (and sometimes you have to laugh in your head because you're trying to teach more appropriate behavior).

34. You appreciate simple pleasures: a piece of chocolate, magnets.

35. It feels weird when it's really quiet.

36. Your kids have better dance moves than you.

37. You congratulate people for good eye contact, good listening, and good sitting.

38. You have to let your kids have a "run break."

39. Grocery shopping gets really interesting because you have a classroom of kids sneaking things into your cart.

40. You enjoy working with your students so much you do all your paperwork on your own time.

Being a teacher is never boring. Despite the hard parts, I absolutely love working with my kids. I never laugh as hard as I do about the things that they say....

Can't wait to make a music video this year--I have a feeling that's going to give me more quotes! I had an idea today...old school Mario from the first Nintendo! I can't wait to see what that will bring!

July and it's literal coolness....

2011-07-25T08:39:00.001-07:00

Well, phone blogging takes forever, so don't be too angry for the length between my entries. I would rather write weekly lest I forget the blessings of grace, but free time is so rare for me this month!

In fact, we just had our first free weekend at least since December! Sad, I know, but my hubby works every other Sunday and we've been doing soccer with the kids lately...plus all the fun summer BBQs and such. It's been busy....but I've really enjoyed the change in routine.

Sometimes, a good ol' change in routine is really what I need to keep on going.

In the field of special education, there is much repetition. I teach the same things throughout an entire year. As a huge fan of change and newness, it can be difficult to keep going when you are honestly sick of money and repeating yourself. I love to teach, but God invented summer/holidays for this very reason....sometimes the teacher doesn't want to hear herself talk about the same thing again.

Don't be fooled into thinking I'm basking on a sunny beach this summer with no plans...I'm actually currently teaching summer school and about to start "respite care" (a fancy word for baby sitting--but I'll be doing some very worthwhile skill keeping activities)for a student I teach during the year.

Like I said, I love working with my kids (despite the stresses that WILL ALWAYS come), but I needed this change in routine!!

Summer school has been interesting...it's a camp experience for our kids, some of whom are doing well and gaining social skills, and others I find myself battling with each day. Biting, kicking, defiant behavior, and...booty dancing. Yep, it's just another day on the job.

I must also say that I've truly loved getting to know the folks also working with me at summer school...they are very dedicated to helping kids and I have appreciated getting to know each of them. We get no lunch break, barely get to restroom (ourselves) and are constantly running...but there is not excessive complaining as one might expect. It helps me to keep going to be working with these folks who also really want to get to the root of the problem...and help the kids.

In real life (AKA outside of the workplace), I've been really into cooking and making preserves lately. I went berry picking a week ago, and we will be going again this weekend...there is just something so fun about taking the whole process from the field to the kitchen!!

The hubby and I are trying to do as much yard work as we can squeeze in, but it's been a very rainy month thus far!!we finally made it out yesterday, after a grueling bike ride, and fixed up the front yard. The hard part is that our shrubs/bushes are out of control and difficult to reach! I've got to get out the ladder so my tiny garden can get more sunlight.

It's amazing to see how fast a bush will grow when planted in the good soil with sun and rain in abundance....kind of like how we ought to be, but so often, other ythings come to block out our sun.

In life, I strive to be the big bush...growing tall, grabbing the light and continuing to grow....but often I'm like my pumpkin out there....capable of big things, but allowing something to block out the Son from my full view. I pray that in the garden of my life, I'll be better equipped. Much like the shield and helmet, I'll need hedge trimmers, a ladder, and possibly some snail and slug spray....but with the right tools, I can take off and make a giant pumpkin!!

Thanks in large part to my obsession with the tastiness of pumpkin seeds, we are growing a pumpkin. ;). I hope he will make it!

Next month should be exciting...several weeks with no summer school before September arrives! These months have flown by...we've already celebrated our one year mark in Washington! Now it's almost time for birthdays and school to start again!

We take so much for granted in this life. Lord, help me to enjoy these days, these friends, this season. Who knows what you will bring next!

Beginnings are hard....and endings can be sometimes too

2011-06-23T20:08:00.000-07:00

What a day.

I can't say much, but it was a rough one.

Unkind words.

Accusations.

Spite.

Harshness.

Brokenness.

Tears.

And working, working, WORKING.

When people spit in your face it isn't fun. We all experience this from time to time....here lately I have experienced a few of these days back to back practically...maybe that's why it feels a bit harder today.

What a good reminder of the experiences of Jesus. I am only slightly like Him now....hoping to become more like Him as the years go on....

Unappreciated He came into the world.

He hurt just like me today, but way more...and for a greater reasoning.

He experienced the looks, words, and actions of a people group that was not kind...

I only experienced one.

He overcame.

I hope He can help me overcome too...losing my hurt feelings, broken heart, and anger.

Oh, Lord, help me to forgive quickly and not dwell on the past. I want to focus on the future. Help me change the future for the better.

Better days. Better attitude about scary days.

And thankfulness for the good, sweet, joyous, berry-lishious days!!

Ebb and flow....

2011-06-19T15:11:00.003-07:00

Some things end....

New things begin...

Other things end...

That is pretty constant in our lives. The give and take. New experiences. Some tame, some exciting.

But all ever-changing.

Another year of teaching coming to a close. I did decide to stay another year, but things will never be the same....two students are leaving me behind, and one new student will come into my life (hopefully calmly) in September, ready to learn new things and have thrilling adventures with us in our hillside community.

I will miss my boys. One a duck and train lover, the other, one of those "easy students." never steps out of line, practically runs when I give direction. A sweetie.

But change isn't bad.

Yes, it can hurt.

But in another deep breath, I can certainly say that it's been a great adventure. All adventures must come to an end, otherwise, there would be no "adventures."

My next adventure: summer school.

I will inform you that stereotypically, the kids who attend summer school are often violent, aggressive, medically fragile, etc. My new prayers are for no missing teeth. And no lascerations. I'm not sure why, but those are the two I would NOT want to get the most.

I have no idea how many students I will work with over those two weeks, but I do know I will have two separate groups (I was offered tuesday-Thursday and Wednesday-Friday, so it's 4 days per week) and most students have one-on-one aides. That means: lots of needs. And since our policy typically revolves around only aggressive students getting one-on-one help, I'll let you put the pieces together.

It may be a bit touch and go, but I'm excited. The more I work with different kids, the more my views and practices are pushed, plied, and tweaked. It's a growing opportunity.

So I welcome the change. I still think of my past students, still remember their names, sometimes dream of them in the night and then wonder what they ares doing....is S throwing rocks at police cars?....is K okay?....is D going to make it at high school?....is A able to speak now?

Today at church we heard a great sermon about remembering the past.

Remembering how God was faithful in the past, trusting that He will again be faithful to you. He will allow you to return after sowing seeds with an armful of wheat, a new crop, a crop that wouldn't exist were it not for His faithfulness.

In the middle of a drought, we still must sow the seeds, trusting that God will bring the rain, sprout the seeds, grow the seeds, fertilize the seeds, protect the plants from pests, and wake you up when it's time for the harvest. ;). Maybe even buy you a shiny new Joe, spade and gloves.

No matter where we may be at the present time, we must remember how God was faithful in the past so that we may trust Him to perfectly oversee our futures.

Because when there is no sign of rain, it's easy to go inside and be distracted by the million other things the world is throwing at you.

Today I am thinking about God and His faithfulness: past, present, and future.

Now where is that scythe?

The light between the clouds...

2011-06-06T18:06:00.001-07:00

Whilst the craziness continues even today at work, from mid-week last week until now, I'm starting to see the "light between the clouds" with all of the rough stuff at work.

Even today as I am fussed at about putting sunscreen on a child's scalp to prevent that which I know all too well (the dreaded scalp burn), I know that there is good. I can breathe. I can persevere.

I am reminded that the truth will always set you free...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom....and that liberty is not being used as a cloak for vice in my classroom or in my life.

The truth guides.

The truth always comes out.

And if someone has an issue with how God has called me to run my classroom, then I trust that in the same way, the truth will reveal itself. What can mortal man do to me??

Annoy the slugs out of my garden, that is for sure.

But destroy my spirit?

No way.

Destroy my faith?

No how.

Destroy the way I view God; the way I view life; the truth God has graciously allowed me to perceive despite my iniquities?

Nope.

I am not using another ounce of worry for this situation.

I want to be Mary, choosing what is better, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, drinking it all in.

Not Martha, anxious about the sunscreen, the harshness, the lack of ability to please. The bleak outlook on exactly what is happening in the present, not the promises of what is yet to come.

I'm glad my mind could be quiet long enough to let me hear the whispers...

What happened last month....

2011-06-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, it is already JUNE!~ And literally, I just typed "May" and had to delete it. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

Last time I wrote, we were "moving"....now as I write we are "living" in the house we have grown to love. We have been there a month--can't believe it! I have refinished wooden furniture for the first time, cleaned clumps of disgusting cat hair out of nooks I didn't know could contain cat hair, made jewelry hangers, scrubbed soap scum to the high heavens, grilled out, gardened, fallen in love with inanimate objects (a food processor and espresso maker, to be exact), and had a blast nesting. Goodwill here is amazing....the finds I have found!! :)

It was also one of the hardest months of my life. It is inevitable that each year, I have at least one student who is "extra super needy"...child services get involved....things get ugly fast....and before you know it, I can't sleep because of the worrying.

It's not good. It's one of my many flaws. But at least I recognize it as so (now)...not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father knowing...and He knows my needs, my students' needs, their parents needs, everything.

But OH ME OF LITTLE FAITH....(note pun on "Ye of little faith")....

How quick I am to depart from what I know to "what I think I know better..."

I can't be everyone's mom; it isn't feasible. While we were ready to step up to foster these kids, legally, family "gets first dibs." So again, here I am in this rough position where I constantly find myself....being refined in the fire to TRUST in God's plan for this "terrible situation" I see before me.

I am right where I need to be.

Between THE ROCK and a "hard place."

So many jagged edges, I'll never get out....but while I'm here, I think I should start listening harder to the Maker who smooths out all my rough edges.

"Let me help"

"Let me hold"

"Let me carry"

"Let me work"

"STOP."

That last one is the hardest. I can't stop. It isn't a concept that I've learned to proclaim yet...."I need rest!" "It isn't my worry!" "I need a break!"

Instead, I cry, "I can't take a break! What might happen?"

But that is where I am wrong.

While no one can "replace" a person, there is Someone who is way better than a "replacement"...in fact, He is the perfect solution to every situation! He knows what is best! He knows what we need!

And you know what?

He gives it to us, even when we are too stubborn to take it easily.

So now I am letting go of this situation.

I can only do my best to love; I am not a part of this "solution."

When times get rough, I need to get to my knees....not to really get to work scrubbing, cleaning, and fixing.....but to pray.

Because work and "trying" isn't the answer.

1 Peter 5:6-11:
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Spring Break & Palm Sunday

2011-04-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

SPRING BREAK, IS THAT YOU!!!???

Looks like it! My last week at work before spring break was pretty exhausting and busy, so it's going to take me a few days to fully recover. Between paper work, getting ready for the soccer team, dramatic issues, and an IEP meeting on Friday, I was very ready to spend some quality time with my husband, packing my home, and with friends.

So far, the break has been great. The husband and I were able to have a "date night" on Saturday evening, plus we were able to spend all of Sunday together as well. The best part was that it wasn't my husband's Sunday to work. Every other Sunday, he has to work while I go teach Sunday school and attend church. This is a huge bummer for us. We met at church. We got to know each other at church. And God is our foundation. So it is hard to go and sit at church without Him, so I must continue to pray and ask that this is only going to be for but a season. And until then, I can rely on the Father to grow us spiritually, together and apart.

Sunday was Palm Sunday. For Christians, this is quite a day. Christ rode into Jerusalem. People waved palm branches. Coats and cloaks were lain upon the ground to line the path that our Savior was to ride. He was acknowledged. All to come to a bitter, but key for us, end=the resurrection and death of our Lord.

How often do we think about what is takes for us to be made clean? I cry like a baby when I go to the doctor and have to have blood tests done...in a lab, with sterile instruments, and always someone holding my hand. JESUS DID THIS WITH NOTHING: Nothing but pain, sorrow, brokenness, and utter disconnect from the Father.

When I'm at the doctor, or no matter where I am, I can never know what that is like: I follow the Lord, He will never turn His face from me. But when Christ was on that cross, the Father DID JUST THAT. The things that Christ endured for me I WILL NEVER HAVE TO ENDURE.

Someone will always be holding my hand, pulling me up, carrying me. But Christ gave that up so that the will of the Father could be done.

I pray that as I enjoy my spring break, I also remember the wonderful things that Christ did for me on the tree. The pain endured so that I might live forever as that daughter of a King.

For that, I am thankful. I pray that I will worship the Lord in the way He deserves--as a righteous King.

HE IS A RIGHTEOUS KING!

Spring is in the air

2011-04-03T20:20:00.003-07:00

Spring break is so close I can taste it. :) Or maybe I am just really excited for it! :)

Two weeks to go...and this week I even have early dismissal days, which is kind of like a little breather for me. Work has been pretty intense for the past month--so much going on, heavy-duty cooking projects, hard work at the VA, starting the work for Special Olympics soccer...whew!

On top of that, the hubby and I have been shopping hard to get good deals for the new house. Bargains are my favorite. I love getting a good deal, using coupons, and comparing prices. It is like a sport. Seriously. We got an amazing deal on a huge 10-12 seater table on Saturday, and today we got a half-off deal on a new comforter from Urban Outfitters. To top all that off, we got an entire table setting for 10 for just over 100 dollars. That included a dinner plate, a salad plate, and a bowl for ten people! World Market really pulled us in and the deal was too amazing to pass up. When we have folks over we tend to run out of plates quickly, especially if there is dessert involved, so finding that deal was a huge blessing.

God really blessed us with these deals and we are so grateful. Our current comforter on the bed is semi-melted in areas and the seams are all messed up. READ: DO NOT BUY BEDDING FROM IKEA! YOU WILL REGRET IT AFTER ONLY ONE WASH!! We are also saving to put a new roof in the house, so we are certainly still working with a budget. It is great to see that you don't have to EVER pay full price for things around here! I love living in a bigger city that appreciates the reduce-reuse-recycle deal for everything, not just trash.

Can I get an AMEN?? :)

We are already planning events at the house. We want to get some of those really cute lantern lights for the garden so we can grill it up in our new garden! :) What great fun that will be!

In other news, we have been given boxes to pack up all of our things again. I have moved at least 10+ times since going off to college...what a great relief it will be to move into this home and realize that I WON'T BE MOVING in one year, which has been my usual. Technically, it seems like we moved every 10 months....so I will tell you that a good bit of our stuff is still packed up in our guest bedroom's closet from the last move. That takes a load off!

My goal: to pack each day after work for a couple of hours until it is all done. Another goal: to not pack boxes so heavy that they cannot be lifted. :)

Welcome Home, Almost....

2011-03-26T17:13:00.005-07:00

Well, the last time I wrote we had made a bid on a house...since then, we have been moving right along the path toward a new home...

After the inspection, it was discovered that we needed a new roof and some tuck pointing....and some other simple things inside the house.

We made a counter-offer, and guess what...they accepted it with no argument--so we are in! :)

While we were waiting to see if they'd accept our counter-offer, we prayed and prayed....we prayed specifically for no other offer to be returned...we were ready to get the thing moving.

God was faithful--no argument, a garden blooming in the back yard...and an estimate for a new roof, which will be created in July (when it gets dry here). God is so good to us--we are so thankful that He is allowing us to buy this new home...a home where we can invite over lots of friends...a home we can decorate for Christmas....a home where I can make delicious preserves and roll-out cookies without hassle. :)

This week, we are waiting for an appraisal...then just waiting for the sellers to move out of the house! Our closing date when we GET THE KEYS will be on May 1--very exciting times!

Until then, I will be faithfully packing up all of our things a little at a time...glad that I have a month to do this so I can do it slowly!

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

This week at work was pretty stressful.

I hate seizures.

On Monday, we started out the week with one of my students with NO history of seizures collapsing in the lunchroom. For a minute and a half, I prayed over this kid, MY KID, asking God to make it go away. It was the longest grand mal/tonic-clonic seizure I'd experienced to date...not a fun time. Thank the Lord that my aide and I were there to get him to the ground and that I am certified in first aid. No blocked airways!

I am so thankful that the Lord was in this situation and that the kid was okay after all of that...they are following up to see if this is a new disorder or what the deal is...but I am praying against regular seizures in my classroom. Too scary.

In other news, I am soon going to be coaching Special Olympics soccer--and we will be trained by the Sounders coaches! I am so excited to see that Special Olympics are here in WA--I was really missing going to the games and seeing my kids have the opportunity to succeed and be overjoyed while playing sports.

Amidst all the drama and exhaustion I feel at work, I am thankful to be certain that God can use me here at this job.

Yes, it's stressful.

But would anyone else be here to advocate for these kids if I weren't?

Probably not.

Whether or not my worldly bosses are pleased with my constant complaints/requests on behalf of my kids, I gotta keep it up. I gotta keep going. I have to look past my own discomfort and focus what is ahead...kids who feel better about themselves. Kids who feel success. Kids who (hopefully) experience God's love because I am there.

God, please help me to be a good example. Please help me to be patient. Please help me to love.

Waiting...we meet again

2011-03-13T17:18:00.005-07:00

So lots of crazy events over the past 24 hours. :)

Last night we signed our very first house bid. We went and checked out houses all morning and afternoon and when we were done, we knew that the time was right. So we met for a couple of hours w/ our awesome real estate agent last night and signed all the lovely paperwork to send off to the sellers.

Now we are just waiting. The bid expires tonight at 9pm. The sellers were supposed to meet at 4:30 pm with their real estate listing agent to decide on whether or not to accept our bid and reach mutual acceptance on the offer.

It's 50 minutes later, I've been making jewelry and doing laundry, and I am again waiting to see if the Lord has this in our plan or not. I also had a delectable bagel.

In general, I'm very excited to be at this point in my life, as well as this stage in the house search project. We love to have people over. We love to have room for us to invite people with kids and know we actually have the space to contain them and the outdoor area for them to play. We love to host and delight and fellowship with friends.

So now we wait and pray that we can make the next step in making this a reality. God has been so faithful in meeting our needs thus far, and I trust that He will continue to fill our cups with just the right "beverage." God knows just what we need to be able to make an impact whilst we are here. We hope and pray that this house is "The One" house just for us...but if not, we are speaking in faith when we say "We are okay." God makes me content. God is what I need.

Yes, I would love to make this house into a home.

But do I have to have it? No. God has my life under control just the way it is right now. If He so chooses to entrust us with more by giving us this home, then I pray that we will be diligent in serving and worshipping Him there. I pray that our home will be a safe place for people when they need it, and a wonderful place for our posterity to grow up.

So now I am off to put our loan info. in order...it'll be interesting to see what the final verdict is!

A "battle" won...but almost lost

2011-03-06T08:03:00.004-08:00

This week flew by so fast I am still thinking...."It's gotta be only Tuesday!" But I woke up bright and early and am still tying to convince my body that yes, it really is already Sunday and I am going to have to get ready for another week! :)

Last week definitely improved--way less drama than I had been a part of in the past few weeks, but don't worry--it's not drama free...leaving me with something to write about!

First, I have recently started teaching Sunday school again at our new church. I get to teach some kids and work with a friend--what more could you ask for?? Not much, by my standards. It is really a blessing to me more than to the church because teaching SPED sometimes means "forgetting what normal really is." Many morns and moons in the classroom often leads me to think, "Wow, so and so is REALLY smart!" or "Wow, he understands humor, putting him on a whole new plane!" But the truth of the matter is, my students are in high school SPED. Their lives will continue to be lived out in the frame of mind they currently have. When they are 50, they will STILL be talking about METRO buses and garbage trucks. I love them, and I want to help them have the best quality of life I can by training them in job skills, but at the same time, I also need to be around kids who are normally developing. This is a great blessing and a reminder of how to stay well-rounded. The way I share Christ with my students is through actions and love, words would not cross the barrier of mental capacity by giving a Sunday school lesson for those guys. I do speak to them about biblical truths like telling the truth, working hard, etc. in the classroom, but I do not speak to the extent that you could explain in a SS classroom.

So overall, I am thankful for a new outlet to be with younger kids (I love my high schoolers, but it really is AWESOME to work around younger kids....I have missed them!) and to experience a picture of what "normal" really looks like.

In other news, I have really been cooking/baking my brains out lately. Faculty meetings, birthdays, sick folks, parish group, supper club, my husband, etc.--all are great opportunities to cook, which is the thing that I probably enjoy most. I love cooking--you get immediate reactions, you are able to meet basic needs (whether that be hunger or just a "chocolate deficit" as one of my co-workers said!) as well as give something to someone that they will (hopefully!) really enjoy.

When we pass by empty store fronts in great neighborhoods, I think to myself, "That would be perfect for my place!" I have this passing dream of having a coffee shop/pastry place/southern casseroles place...who knows if it will ever become a reality, but I am sure that all of this practice is helping to get me closer!

So about my title--the BATTLE that I actually WON commenced on Friday, right after a very interesting phone call. For many months now, I have been battling and seeking assistance for one particular student who often becomes violent and needs to be removed from the room....problem was....I have no "time out" room and literally no where to take him aside from having his aide just remove him to the hall. A hall might not be so bad in some cases, but ours had lockers that could hurt the student, and he also was not contained so it was quite difficult to calm him in a place that simply wasn't calm.

Directly beside my classroom has been a counselor's office--poor guy! He has been counseling and holding meetings throughout all of my kids YELLS and the overall cacophony that IS my classroom.

It was suggested that his office become a time out room. The first issue was that it had a window, then it was an administrative decision, then it went on and on into drama.....

But you know what?

On Friday, I moved a huge desk where I wanted it in that very same office. My friend, the counselor, moved to his new office in a new building and I helped him carry all his goodies to his new "office with the view!"

So my SLP and I decided that overall this year, that is the third "big battle" I have won.

I moved things around and put up pictures and school work from my kids on Friday, pushing me to leave after 7pm! What a week!

I am so thrilled to be the new "owner" of the safe place. It is going to be such a great gift--if needed, I can have IEP meetings there....I can pull-out for small groups....I can pull out for testing!

All I can say is THANK YOU to God. I had experienced so many hurtful words about this Safe Place that I almost wanted to give up.

But God reminded me of His promises and my promise to Him--when the going is tough, I will lean on Him and do what should be done. I had to persevere. If I would've given up and stopping approaching the people that needed to be approached for this action to take place, then it may not have happened.

God, thank you for hearing my cry.

Whew. . . blessings in disguise

2011-02-27T16:09:00.003-08:00

Howdy!

A little southern speak there...sorry about that.

It's been a hectic day and I guess I've gone country. But it has been great "checking off" my chores list. Friday I was horizontal all day, so my 4 loads of laundry had to be done after church today. It was rough going, but everything is put away, the closet is clean, and the bed is made. Yay!

Now I'm baking a spice cake...typical, I know. Lots of baking this month so far....I am baking two more times this week, too! For parish group I'm making apple streusel bars, then some cookies for our SPED meeting Thursday....then teriyaki chicken for the weekend! Lots of fun times at the oven!

So I had a break from work this past week and we traveled to San Juan Island to stay at Roche Harbor. It was a great trip---TONS of snow along the way! We got there and the forecast called for snow....but is was clear the whole first day. The second day, however, brought many inches of snow--the most I had seen in almost 20 years! It was amazing! We saw a whole deer family eating clover together, bald eagles (both of us for the first time!), and many fat robins. :> Chirp!

So why is this post entitled "blessings in disguise?"

I am almost constantly sick. This is a pattern in my life that has been constant since I was but a tiny tot, so I am not complaining when I say this. Just stating a fact.

For some reason, any time I leave home to take a trip. . . .even overnight. . .I always get sick. Stomach, head, sinuses. . .something is going to pitch a fit and try to ruin the trip altogether.

At first, I thought, "Here I go again. . . I am going to ruin this vacation being sick." But then. . .we were there to rest. My husband was totally content in looking at the snow and wildlife. We didn't have anything fancy planned. . .and we had not packed for the blizzard that entrapped us. . .so we mostly sat around in our fire-lit cabin playing cards and enjoying the snow. It was also good to have time to discuss our recent house options since we don't often have time together during the week.

Now that we are back on the mainland, I am finally feeling better. Sometimes, God has to "make me sick" so that I take time to rest (hence healing my body from the weekly "beatings" it takes at work). God allowed me to be sick during our vacation so that I would have to rest. And on Friday when I had many chore-related plans, God allowed me to have a "no standing allowed" headache so that I would actually REST.

I have trouble giving myself a break, if you haven't already guessed. Between all of the things I love to do and my job, there isn't much time left over to REST. And God says--REST IS GOOD! DO IT! NOW! But often, I just don't listen. Because of my stubbornness, God often has to allow me to get sick to get rest.

At least this is how I view my life. I really need to try to rest more so I get sick less! ;) Preventative care! Vitamins and supplements clearly aren't all a person needs to stay in good health, and I know that the Lord is looking out for me and HE wants me to take good care of myself so I can keep going . . .with a happy spirit and attitude because I FEEL GREAT.

So thank You, Lord, for helping me get some rest during my break from work.

Back to enjoying my cake baking.

Who are you working for?

2011-02-12T07:43:00.003-08:00

Col. 3: 22-24: "Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."

Who do you work for?

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

This week was another very dramatic week at work. Without saying too much and lowering my standards of not slandering others to enhance my own sinful being, I feel that this is a topic I need to address to share with you the work Christ has done in me.

So who do I work for? Sometimes, I selfishly work for myself. I like lists. I like checking off things I've completed. I like to "get ahead" in my work. I hate when I feel slothful.

I also often find myself working for others. Deep within, we all want others to be happy with us. We are people pleasers by nature, myself certainly included. We want people to pat us on the back and say, "GOOD JOB!" I think some of this is because it is in our nature, as Christians, to wait for the end of a certain "good work" and hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." But should I desire to hear this from an earthly boss not unlike myself? Should I not be holding out to only desire to hear these things from MY SAVIOR? What can mortal man do to us or for us? Nothing as good as what the Savior can do.

In a tough spot on Thursday, I forsook my title as a child of God and really had a desire for an earthly person to gratify my need to receive acceptance, inclusion, righteousness, and overall "goodness."

This was wrong.

In the situation, I know for certain that my actions have aligned with the law of God. I know that when I stand before Him, I have done nothing wrong because I was obedient. I loved my students more than myself. I did not act unprofessionally or inappropriately. The Lord will not judge me as being a sinner because I loved others and was burdened for them. I did what I needed to do to please God and not man....so why did I want MAN to accept my actions as if he were the LORD? I cannot place heavenly expectations upon those who are not of the Lord...nor those who are of the family of God.

MY ACCEPTANCE AND INCLUSION IS NOT FROM MAN....NEITHER IS MY COMMISSION.

I have been so graciously reminded by the Lord that I do not have to seek acceptance from man. I do not have to account my actions to man.

I AM JUDGED BY ONE RIGHTEOUS GOD.

Why would I want anything any different? As we have all fallen short of the GLORY of God and sinned, I cannot expect a righteous act or decision to be made by someone of the world. No one, only God the Father in His great Triune Body, is righteous.

Since my ACCEPTANCE, INCLUSION, and COMMISSION are all from the Lord, I must remember to seek Him above all things, listening to Him when He tells me to speak, and being silent when I must be silent. I must remember that it is not to man that I will have to answer for my deeds...it is to the Lord.

I must strive on in this race to receive the prize in the end...I must persevere and not be discouraged by the world and the events that occur in my life.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18:
"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

God, I pray for the strength and compassion to NOT pay back wrong for wrong. I pray that You will cleanse my heart. I pray that you will help me to strive for the good of others before myself. Please do not let me be disheartened when the road less traveled becomes difficult, when the brambles catch my clothing, and when I scrape my knees upon Your earth when I fall.

Forgive me for desiring things that are not important or eternal. Thank You for Your promises....and that Your joy is renewed each morning.

Drama....something that should be left to high school, soap operas, and people who like it....but mainly, dependence

2011-01-28T19:45:00.005-08:00

So my week was pretty filled with drama at work. Nothing I will talk about here because that would not be appropriate or professional, but it has been quite stressful. Something about teaching special education automatically leads to a multitude of issues that require teachers to climb the "ladder of command"....if only you're smart enough to figure out the right ladder of command!

I work for a huge school system--I used to call the special education director directly in GA....now I must twist my way through a spiral of others via email, search and rescue, and practically stalking! That's what really makes all the issues rough....not having a specific person to ask help from; missing that self-contained friend I have had in the past. At my school now, I am the only self-contained teacher. No one is "just like me." No one has exploding toilets, perseverating, and self-stim. Just me.

And I think that's the point

God has placed me in this new, challenging, frustrating time in my life to push me to conquer my inner sin, as well as the challenges that meet me outside of my own sinful flesh.

God wants my dependence.

I am alone on the job. There is no one "just like me" with all the "drama" that I can talk to.

God knows what He is doing, that's for sure. I am praying that I will give my burdens to the Lord the way He desires. It is a hard thing to do, especially since I like fixing things way too much.

The other thing I have had to continuously remind myself of this week: the good things that I can do for my students.

I will share a story with you about dependence. My students depend on me the way I wish I could depend on God.

As a class, we go swimming at a local community center pool once a week for adapted PE. Most of my kids are somewhat fearful (if not terrified) of water even though they have been participating in the swimming program for several years. Since I had lots of vision issues and sickness issues, I wasn't able to swim with my kids until this semester.

This past Tuesday, the adapted PE teacher wanted to evaluate each of my students one at a time to see how well they were swimming. I am asked for help from one of my students, and we swim back and forth across the pool several times. The student does a great job, but he wouldn't do it without me right in front of him coaching him.

My next student had missed the last several swimming lessons, and most of first semester's as well, so the teacher wanted to see how he would do. I said, "OK, S., let's swim!" and I held the board just as I had done for my previous student. The student made efforts to kick his legs and we were off, making little swirlies all around the pool. The teacher keeps yelling that the student is doing great so I keep him swimming for several minutes, continuing to coach. After awhile, I give the student a break and swim him to the side of the pool where the teacher is. The teacher says, "That is the first time S. has ever swam in this pool." I said, "Really? Not last year?" "No, he has never let anyone else hold the end of his kickboard before, so we could never help him swim."

I was floored. The teacher said, "You're the one. You're the only person he's ever trusted to help him do that."

When things got hard this week, I thought about that. I am the one that my students trust. They know I am not going to hurt them. They are the reason why I keep doing this job. It is hard, yes, but I know I can make a difference.

Then I helped my next student, who is non-verbal, who proceeded to nearly drown me, because he trusted me so much to keep him above the water.

Finally, I helped my last swimmer. He's a "wall hugger"--stays on the wall, doesn't want to swim in the deep end. When I got him off the wall and swimming, I was holding his right hand and coaching him while trying to not drown myself. While swimming, he said, "Mrs. S. will not let me go." So of course I said, "No, I won't let you go. You can do this!"

I wouldn't let him go. God won't let me go.

I gotta hold onto the good times....but more importantly, I gotta hold onto GOD and His protection and provision.

Saving saving saving...

2011-01-15T22:28:00.001-08:00

So we are saving up to buy a house...pretty gritty stuff, I know. Just kidding.

But seriously. I am so a psycho budget lady...I have planned out every paycheck until when we are planning to make an offer. Mid-April is that time, and by then, the budget is set to go so we can make a down payment and be ready to move in by June, which is when our apartment lease is up.

This is a very exciting time....looking at houses with our realtor, keeping a VERY detailed notebook outlining details about each one.....getting excited and then being let down....it's all a very tiring, fun, CRAZY process. We are really enjoying ourselves.

We have conversations about doorknobs....and paint....and vintage items....and tile....and backyards...

But we are loving each minute..

Each time we are let down, we remind ourselves to trust in the Lord...He has the perfect house out there for us. The one with the perfect ratio of already done--fixer-upper. :)

Today we think we found "THE ONE"...but a will see what God has to say about it. We don't have the down payment now...and who knows if it'll still be on the market?!?! But we are trusting.

Time will tell.

There is a time for everything....a season for everything under the sun.

We look forward to being able to be in a house and having others over....having dinner parties.....filling the house with kids. But until then....we wait. Hoping to maintain patience....

;)

The Year of the Rabbit

2011-01-03T19:26:00.004-08:00

So Chinese New Year is coming up...I wish that we could go to Taiwan and visit with our friends who will be doing some major celebrating very soon! I miss Asia more than should be expected...I haven't been there since 2006. However, it made a lasting impact on my heart. Oh, how I love Asia. Oh, how I wish we could go there very soon. Jesus loves Asia, too, amongst other places. :)

But He gives each ones certain burdens, and I know that this is one I shall carry upon my heart forever. May God return my body to Asia one day...who knows when that will be....but I can trust in the Lord that He has a great purpose for my life here. I know that He will lead my heart and change my heart, just as He always does.

As I told my husband, I know that I could be content anywhere where I can make a difference. I know that can be here in WA. So if the Lord wills it, I will go. If He wills it, I will stay. It's as simple as that.

But that doesn't stop me from remembering Chinese New Year....

LOVE.

A decade walking w/ Jesus

2010-12-29T06:24:00.004-08:00

So yesterday marked one decade for me. To the day. Pretty crazy!

God has so much to refine in me....and in one decade, so many things have changed.

1. College degrees and career goals

2. From the desire of singleness to a wonderful marriage (God blessed me with a keeper)

3. From immediate travel to Taiwan to some sidetracking years (all in my best interest of course, just not "my plan"--at least now I have the best travel partner I could ask for!)

4. From the armpit of the south (with no deodorant on a 100+ day) to the scalp of the northwest, all driven in a huge Penske truck with my boo

5. From tan to pale (heehee...yes it is true)

6. Multiple friendships gained and released

7. Weddings

8. From long to short (hair)

9. From chapstick to chapstick (okay, some things will NEVER change)

10. From blindness to vision, vision to blindness (very interesting)

11. From purple to old blue to new white (cars)

12. From jeans and pjs to jeans and pjs (again, some things don't change)

13. From pink to brown (favorite color)

14. From extremely inappropriate rap music to Indie music (yes, it's true)

15. From my bday to my JESUS BDAY

16. From no helmet to helmet (thanks, good husband)

17. From the worst possible outcome to the best possible outcome (cross over, from death to life)

Well, it has been a trip and a half. And sometimes the changes are hard. Sometimes they are killer. But looking back from where I've come and looking ahead to where God is leading me....well, I think it's going to be a very worthwhile journey.

Thanks be to God for His mighty hand. He reached out to me. He called.

Maybe by my next decade we'll finally have those flying cars like on "The Jetsons...."

Christmas time is hereeeeee

2010-12-19T08:29:00.003-08:00

Well, from November 1-December 31st, I become a Christmas music lover....a gingerbread house fanatic.....and a baking fiend.

Sometimes it happens in mid-October. That was this year.

I also become reminiscent about what I've come from....and where I'm going. For me, it's not about the presents. When we have kids, we won't talk about Santa. We won't load our tree with bow-covered gifts. We won't talk about shopping, shopping, shopping.

It's not about what you can get. The Black Friday great deals are not the focal point of the holiday.

Jesus. He's the pinnacle. He needs to be the focus. Yes, I do have a tree. Yes, I do love snowmen. But we really want to celebrate the birth of our Lord, the greatest gift, during this time of the year. I have to constantly remind myself of this, even though I have fewer distractions! AHH!

A stubborn person. Loves to bake too much. Sometimes forgets to truly listen to the words of the tunes I sing. All those Christmas hymns MEAN something.

I pray that my heart and my focus will be more on the celebration of Christ than on making food for people, which is one of my great joys in life, apparently. The way to ANYONES heart is through the tummy--this is not only true of men. ;)

Thank you for the greatest gift. Let that be my focus.

OH COME ON.....trying to stay patient

2010-12-05T12:50:00.006-08:00

So, now I am starting to feel some anxiety in relation to my "eye problem."

I know what I have.

They say, "Oh, your sight will be back in no time!" Maintain your pirate status.

Both of my eyes are working normally independently of one another. . .but they won't work TOGETHER. TOGETHER, they give me headaches and make me vomit all night long. Who knew that your own body would turn on you like this? I guess I kind of did because I've had lots of medical problems my whole life....but before this I felt as though I was in my best health, having fewer problems than normal and being able to finally handle SOME fat-free dairy products without extreme discomfort. DO NOT count on things. DO NOT count on your tent. DO NOT be comfortable in the amount of vitamins and supplements you take. ONLY God is in control of your tent. He determines how many "outdoor outings" you can have in your tarp-like being before He takes you home. I now know that my vitamins may be good, but nothing in this life is guaranteed. My Vitamin-C will NOT keep me from getting a sore throat when my student sneezes in my face.....but sometimes it does! All this to say, the only thing 100% dependable is GOD's PRESENCE in a Christian's life.

**** ******** ********* ************* *****************************************

Three months of one eye only and you'll start to LOSE YOUR MIND. For so long, you can hold on to what people tell you will happen. But then....

It doesn't. The promises are untruths....not lies....but not things that I can depend on. Doctors hold no rule over my current predicament.

Patience is thinning in my court. I am fighting the thinning patience. . .but it is hard. I feel like this situation is at a plateau. . .now I would love to be healed. I would love to be "semi-normal" again. I want to wear contacts. My nose has permanent ridges....I am not a fan of glasses, so that has been quite a challenge. It's the little things. ;)

I want to drive. I want to run errands. I want to be able to do things outside my home and outside my very close by neighborhood. It's the domestic things.

Why is this continuing?

I have no idea.

Perseverance. I have to press on. I have to accommodate. I have to remember God's promises and remember that I am not alone. I have a God who already knows the outcome. I have a God who says, "Oh you of little patience and steadfastness." But I also have a God of GRACE AND MERCY who says, "Child, I know it is hard. But stay with me a little longer."

So now I simply pray that God will draw me to Him and His strength will be my own. I cannot do anything apart from the Lord. It is impossible. But with God....I can and will press on.

The day I can see again will be a great one...until then, "I'll have to muddle through somehow." (Yes, Christmas music can come in handy.)

Now I have to look to God to NOT let the frustrations and irritations take over.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-22T17:49:00.002-08:00

In lieu of the day o' thankfulness (and turkey), it is time for another list. . .ah yes. Of course.

With a multitude of things to be thankful for, I will narrow my list down to 30. . .30 days of thanksgiving!

1. Salvation
2. Grace
3. My husband
4. The roof over my head
5. The food in my kitchen (especially soup!)
6. Warmth
7. Church
8. New friends
9. A job that pays the bills and lets us save
10. Paying of debts
11. Sweaters
12. Scarves
13. Boots
14. My soccer socks which are now coming in handy
15. Seattle
16. Pike Place Market
17. Seafood
18. Getting to eat out a few times a month (yessssss)
19. Snow
20. The salt truck (even though he just shot salt on me when I was walking)
21. A safe car
22. Co-workers
23. The really GREAT days with my students
24. Watching my students make progress
25. My husband's silly faces
26. Hugs
27. Felt tip pens
28. Vintage jewelry, amongst other vintage items
29. Hats that cover my ears
30.Apple

Okay, I couldn't do it. 30? I am going to have to move it on up. Maybe I can do 40....

31. Wind
32. All soy/rice/almond/hemp milk products
33. Peppermint mochas and other assorted holiday drinks
34. The ability to read and ENJOY it
35. The ability to speak about my Savior
36. The ability to sing about my Savior
37. Communion
38. Christmas hymns
39. Jesus' birthday cake
40. Gingerbread houses

You see? The list could go on, and on, and on....it's like the "song that doesn't end." There should never be an end to our Thanksgiving. Just tonight, I was blessed by lots of snow to walk in. I made a tiny snowman. I had a great time. God is so good to me!

God is great!

Truth

2010-11-19T19:49:00.005-08:00

I like honest people.

I appreciate when someone tells it like it is.

I don't want a pretty picture...I want the TRUTH.

I want to say, "I promise, I can handle it. . .because I have Jesus and I want to help you see Him, too. . .so please, be honest."

In my personal life, I love honesty. In my work life, I love honesty. I appreciate when people are honest about who they are, what is going on, what they need prayer for, why they feel sad, etc. Just because we have Jesus doesn't mean we should walk around with smiles plastered on our faces. Just because we are teachers and "role models" doesn't mean that we have to fake it. So in my daily walk, I am honest with others about how I feel. Sometimes I think that this throws people off. "I feel frustrated." ?!?!?!?!?! "You're not just fine?" . . ."I feel proud because my kids' parents read the note home!" "Whoa, that's too much information." I do not say this because I feel like people don't listen, or for any other reason except to say. . .I encourage others to really tell me how they feel.

In other cultures, if you ask someone how they are, you really want to know. I like this.

But if people respond with the truth I have witnessed that others find this shocking. . .both in my observations and in my personal experience, people ARE NOT USED TO HEARING THE TRUTH. Hmm. Maybe it is just because I am usually meeting new people, people I have not been around forever.

People stay at this shallow level.

And I think this is something that I need to be aware of to make a difference; to show people Christ.

Jesus cared about the inside of the cup, not the outside.

He cared about the heart, not the hairstyle.

I have to be able to show them 1) I am listening; I do want the truth, 2) The truth is okay, 3) Love/support/friendship is not dependent on the appearance of happiness or being well put together.

Note: I am not writing this because I feel that people are "lying to me," I am just realizing more and more that our cultural norm is to just "keep your mouth shut" and never let anyone see your hardships. Of course, this is true of a non-Christian culture to the upmost degree--people do not want to be seen as weak, they want to be seen as powerful and successful and competent. In a Christian realm, one would hope to see people who realize that they cannot be powerful, successful, and competent without the abilities that God has implanted within us. Our spiritual gifts. Our previously given positions created before the beginning of time.

And even with Jesus, we FAIL. Utterly. With brokenness. Even with 110% dedication.

Each day, there are things I forget; things I disregard. This shows my humanity, my lack of deity, my imperfections, my flaws, my need for a Savior.

I think that truth and being accepting of the truth and expecting the truth is a way to break down this barrier between we as the followers of Christ and others. We have to listen. We have to love. We have to speak truth. We have to listen and accept as the truth is spoken to us. The way we accept truth will either A) encourage more truth or B) discourage less truth. If we can't be real with others, they certainly can't be real with us, so that is the first barrier. The second barrier: we have to encourage others to be real with us. We must be gentle with them, just as Jesus has been gentle with us.

This is a way to connect to another person's "soul." To reach that inmost being.

To help.

Be honest with yourself.

Be honest with others.

Respect others and appreciate their honesty. . .because if someone tells you the truth, they are beginning to PUT TRUST IN YOU. They are beginning to value your opinion. God may be able to use you in this person's life because you are truly connecting with one another.

I pray for these opportunities for myself at work. I pray to be able to be open and honest with others; in turn, encouraging them to do the same with me.

Here I am preaching to my own choir.

We are stewards.

We are entrusted.

I am a member of a Great Body.

Love.

Honesty.

Truth.

Listening.

Serving.

Jesus.

Lord, help me.

PAPERWORK

2010-11-09T19:06:00.003-08:00

IEP's.

Transition plans.

WAAS portfolios.

Notes home.

Reimbursement paperwork.

Receipts.

Computer screens.

Progress reports.

E-mails.

Manifestation determinations.

BIP.

FBA.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The downside of teaching special education. . . at certain times of the year, your computer screen becomes your new best friend. It's sad, but true. I love teaching, watching progress, and helping kids. But I hate when my veins in my eyes pop!

I am looking forward to Turkey Day break...by then, this busy time will have passed! Crazy what a person has to do in a few short weeks. . .thank you God for being on my side to see me through this! I love you, Lord! Give me the strength and the will power!

The best two months

2010-11-06T10:07:00.002-07:00

Well, the time has come....the season of baking and joy is upon us. This month, I get to celebrate my one year anniversary with my husband and I get to celebrate Thanksgiving with family and friends. We are heading down to our cousins' home for the big Turkey celebration since the hubby has the day off! I am so excited that he got one of the two holidays off (he had to rank the top five days he wanted off). We will find out on Tuesday if he has Christmas Eve off.

Corn souffle and sweet potato souffle. . .and turkey cupcakes. That is our contribution to the familial celebration for Thanksgiving this year. Those two casseroles are the most delicious things one can hope for at a meal or a church dinner. . .I am so excited to get to cook this year! Last year we were on our honeymoon so I didn't get to cook anything, which was still sad even though I was frolicking in Canada. :) That is how much I enjoy cooking.

I am already planning holiday fun!! Besides the usual baking each weekend, we will be doing some holiday activities: turkey cupcakes for Thanksgiving with the kids, decorating sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies, building gingerbread houses, yay! I will be doing these at home and in the classroom, so it's almost like getting to live the holiday season twice. . .which is awesome.

There is so much to be thankful for. . .my husband, a home, Seattle, a church family, hot tea, rain, co-workers, coupons, awesome libraries, returning health (hopefully~!). . .

It is amazing what God does for His people and how he sees us through. He is truly amazing! This was a very action-packed year for us, between the move, health issues, being newly married, and getting new jobs. . .but the Lord has been with us through each step and He will continue to walk us through everything. Plus, we still have two whole months left until 2011. . .there is no telling what will happen in two months! Based on the past year, I'd say that we are looking at some more crazy times!

My home smells like a bakery. . .yum!

Saturday, yeasty, JOY

2010-10-30T10:18:00.003-07:00

It only takes a couple of teaspoons of yeast to make a whole loaf of bread rise. . .I think that this is an excellent metaphor to explain our Christian life. . .maybe better for me since I use too much salt?? :) In God's Word, we are commanded to be both salt and light to the world. A small amount of salt goes a LONGGGGGG way. . .and from my baker-lady standpoint, a teaspoon of yeast goes a LONGGGGGGGGGG way!

I love watching bread rise.

Another point to ponder. . .does the bread rise in ONE MINUTE, or does it take some time? Just as the seeds we plant, God's Word isn't AUTOMATICALLY going to spring up into someone's heart. It often takes time for God's Word to start an "UPRISING."

In other words, we have to be PATIENT once we've planted seeds. We must care for the seeds. We must give them time to grow up, grow in strength, and set down roots.

We don't just leave the "yeast bread" though. The bread must be provided with HEAT to rise. In order for overall delicious bread growth, we need both YEAST and WARMTH.

In my long and drawn out metaphor, the WARMTH required is the WARMTH of an already-sanctified Christian heart. People need love; I don't care who you are. Deep down, everyone desires love, acceptance, huggy-snuggli-ness, and that, my friends, is where we, who are already JESUS FOLLOWERS, must come in.

Don't leave your YEAST out in the cold, invite them into the incubator of a nice, warm oven. . .or perhaps a bread maker!

* * * * * * * * *

It's Saturday, a hallowed day of baking, hence I think up these metaphors. Today is chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, Portuguese sweet bread, and cheesecake pumpkin bars. Delish.

We just got a "Halloween package" from my hubble's parents. . .and yes, I now have a PARROT to go on my shoulder to go along with my eye patch. This is going to come in handy whilst reading TREASURE ISLAND and teaching my kids about pirates. How ironic and perfectly set up.

We are ONE MORE BILL away from being debt free. . .thank you, Lord. God has been blessing us immensely, and now we are finally able to start taking care of people again and being able to serve others by meeting their needs.

That is so exciting. I can't believe how quickly the Lord has brought this time around. What a huge blessing to have been taken through such great times of GROWTH out here. :)

Quad-Vision?

2010-10-24T15:57:00.004-07:00

All these jokes about having super robot x-ray vision may have been unfortunate. :/ I am now (as of the past few days) seeing in quads. . .or perhaps just like a kalidescope (sp?)? I used to have two very specific pictures when I opened both of my eyes. . .and now it is more like a mesh of several pictures. . .some are far away, some are blurry and light, some seem clear. It is like being a bug. . .or a spider. But which item is real? If I reach out, what will I be grabbing. . .air, or an arm? Not sure, but all this to say. . .mine eyes hath experienced changeth again. That's the best of my "Olde English."

Tomorrow I'm going back to my neuro-opth. for my first check-up since becoming a pirate. It's been almost a month--it will be a month this Wednesday--since I started patching it up. While my vertigo is better, my eyes are actually getting somewhat worse.

Many questions to ask tomorrow:
1. Is there a surgery I can have to correct this problem?
2. Am I lowering my chances of healing by working?
3. Do I need to go on disability to potentially regain my vision?
4. Do I truly have another (even more rare and serious) underlying neurological disease since I am not currently fitting only the typical issues associated with OCS. . .I am exhibiting more?
5. Will I be making people walk the plank forever? If so, where can I get a schnazzier eye patch?
6. Is this a genetic issue that could potentially transfer to my future posterity?

. . .and many others that I can't think of off the top of my head. That's why it's good to make a list.

In other news, the hubby and I are about to celebrate our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! That's right! I can't believe it's already been a year--it seems like just yesterday, but when I really examine the times we've spent, I see that it can't be just yesterday! Look at all we've done since then: holidays, workings, getting our friends married, packing one home, moving across the country, starting new jobs, setting up a new house, housing an old friend from Taiwan, starting a new church, losing my "single vision," etc. It's been a year of change. . .a great year, to be honest. Even amidst the current battles and challenges, I have loved it. I love learning, I love being married, and I love growing closer to God via all the world/God throws at me.

Last night I went to a fall festival to visit with my old co-workers, then today I was able to spend time with a new friend. What a great blessing to be healed enough to get out and do something. :) Up next weekend. . .time with the hubby and pumpkin carving fun! I've also gotten really happy with my pumpkin cooking. . .up this weekend, we have pumpkin cheesecake bars. Can't wait to see how those turn out!

Love and Lists

2010-10-17T08:41:00.002-07:00

Since my last pure miracle, I've been experiencing those day to day miracles--God getting me through a day at work even with a really bad headache, God taking the headache away at 4am so I could still go to work, God protecting my classroom when a student who had been gone awhile returned, in providing R. to help in my classroom, in providing K. to be a very wonderful co-worker who teaches SPED and can bring me home, giving me strength despite exhaustion, allowing us to spend time getting to know new friends, giving us the funds to keep paying off the other "small" physician bills (we're at about 4500 grand I think), giving us people to LOVE.

I love love. I know that's putting two words that are twins beside each other, but that's the easiest way to say that I LOVE receiving AGAPE from God. All of the things listed above and everything else NOT on my list is all made possible by God. This reminds me of a PBS commercial all of a sudden. They used to show "Anne of Green Gables" all the time, stating that "this broadcast was made possible by viewers like YOU!" I remember that. But the truth is, AGAPE isn't made possible by two-leggers like me. AGAPE is made possible by GOD. "Anything is possible, with God all things are possible. . . don't give up 'cause He never gives in!" Another one of the millions of song lyrics in my poor head. If only someone would come up with a "Bible rap." I am sure I could seize more of God's Word to store in my heart. Seriously, that's how I memorized a few verses in my day. . .but back to AGAPE.

AGAPE is loving in the day to day. AGAPE is loving me when I am dirty, mean, feisty, lazy, and having a poor attitude. These things happen often, to be quite frank, and I often think. . .man, how can I keep friends? Fortunately, the AGAPE from God REFLECTS. When people see a Jesus-follower, some of that AGAPE love reflects to that person. No matter how you share love with others, a small picture of that AGAPE is included.

When God looks at us, He sees Jesus. When other people look at us, they see at least some attributes of Jesus. A favorite expression of mine says, "You may be the only Jesus someone sees." How convicting is that upon my soul? My evil thoughts, my wicked deeds? And people see me, knowing that I proclaim the name of Christ, and they lump me in a category with Jesus? YIKES. If that doesn't spur a person on to striving for obedience, I don't know what will.

Like I said, people see a little bit of AGAPE from you if you are a Jesus-follower. Let me ask God for the WISDOM I need to become more like His perfect Son. And let me continue in the understanding that I CANNT ACHIEVE PERFECTION, nor will I ever be a super-duper-awesome example of Christ all the time. . .that is where GRACE comes to join AGAPE and they run off into the sunset together.

Gotta love love.

Paid in FULL

2010-10-06T18:52:00.003-07:00

Paid in full.

What does this mean?

Anyone living in this crazy time understands the greatness of being "debt-free" or finally being "in the green." It is something to be thankful for if it comes, but something also that typically we feel like we are going to have to work REALLLLLLLLLLY hard to get. I'm talking 9-5, weekends, after hours, two jobs, starving children. . .that's the kind of "hard" I am talking about.

You know what?

Sometimes, you don't have to work hard. Sometimes you don't have to do anything, not in a worldly sense.

I grew up poor. I'm talking soup kitchen, trailer park, one outfit poor. So in comparison with that past, anything is going to go "up" from that. I understand that working hard is a good quality. Yes, I know, slothfulness is a sin; thus, we should try to avoid this by seeking God and working as if we work for the Lord, not for man.

All this to say, now in my 20's, I have just recently had a "backslide" experience. After all my medical issues (while having NO insurance), my husband and I were left with a $35,000 debt to the hospital, not to mention all of the little side bills they love to send weeks after (probably several thousand more). This would put us back in that "poor/indebted/unsure" category that can be confusing and frustrating. Also, we just weren't sure where the money would come from if the hospital wanted loads of money each month. I like to eat. Food is good.

We filled out the financial aid packet, we prayed, and we told God that we knew He could pay off this debt for us. We also told God that we knew this was His decision. Perhaps His desire was for us to pay this off while leaning on Him. Perhaps He'd show up with His "magical checkbook" and whip out His pen made of angel wings. We did not know how He would answer our prayers, but we trusted in His judgement and in His ability to judge what would be the best for us as a family.

Last night, we shared our troubles with small group. We've shared with others, but not in a group setting or with a group from our new church, so we were thankful for their love, support, and prayers.

After all the weeks prior of praying at home and praising God for either path He might choose to give, it was nice to join with others (in person) for prayer.

The hospital has sent us so many envelopes with bills, I was starting to get paper cuts and lose sensation in my fingers, so when I saw ANOTHER envelope I was reluctant to open it.

Open.

Slowly read (I still can't see).

100%.

Paid in full.

Account taken to $0.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!!?!?!?

God considered and heard our prayers. He acted upon them (this time, in a desired way), and we now have nothing left but the random (much smaller) bills from the different doctor's offices and labs.

PAID IN FULL.

GOD PAID MY DEBT IN FULL.

GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER AND PAID MY DEBT IN FULL.

$0.

I cried so much after reading this letter. It was a slight remembrance of God coming into my life. A tangible experience that others can understand who may not yet know this great God.

Did I have to work for this? No. All we did was fill out the form and pray. Did I work fifty hard years to pay off this debt and interest? No. Did I become another man's slave? No. Did I change anything about myself to try and look more appealing? No.

Salvation.

Paid in full.

My debt brought to nothing; my slate wiped clean; a new creation.

When God calls and you answer, your debt too can be paid in full. While I am thankful to have no hospital debt, I am MORE thankful to know that while I was sick in the hospital, I knew what would happen if anything were to happen to me. My slate had already been wiped clean. I knew that if my Lord called to me again (this time a call to go home), I'd be able to. My slate would be a carbon copy of the life of Christ. When God looks at me, HE sees Christ.

Did I work for this? No. Did I work my way to be funky enough to get God's attention? No. Did I make myself trendy and hide my sin so that I might appear clean to God? No.

We are not required to clean ourselves up before answering God's call. We must be ready at a moment's notice. He doesn't want a "fancier version" of you--He wants YOU. For free. Paid in full; balance $0.

Now that is "in the green."

Green is a symbol for life & tranquility. I often use it in my classroom because it is supposed to be soothing. I pray that I would ALWAYS remember to thank God for bringing my life "into the green" where I could enjoy Him and live forever.

Let God make you green.

Wow, what an amazing week!

2010-10-02T07:59:00.002-07:00

As far as an update since Monday, here I go:

I received a call on Tuesday giving me an appointment for Wednesday at Harborview on Wednesday morning with a neurologist. After lots of talking, her viewing all my records from the hospital, and an examination of my eyes, the doctor stated that I most certainly did NOT have a stroke at any point. She also told me that she did not feel that I had a "brain problem"--this was most likely an eye nerve/muscle issue. She wanted for me to see a neuro-opthamologist (spelling? whew) to check on this problem.

After picking up some financial aid packets and such, we went over to the eye clinic where the "N-O's" (easier for me to type) work. My new friend who was with me at the doctor was willing to give up her appointment for me that was the next week because we were told there were no openings that day.

God put us in the right place at the right time, because one of the "work-up tech's" in the eye clinic came out, saw me teetering, and was like "follow my finger!" I stand out like a sore thumb with the vertigo, but in this case, the attention was good because she got one of the other "N-O's" so get me in THAT DAY!!!!!!

God was so good and orchestrated everything perfectly for this to happen. After lots of staring, following fingers, taking color tests, and having EXTREMELY bright lights shined in my eyes for hours, the doctor returned and finally gave me a diagnosis. Three weeks later, I can now tell people what I have instead of listing symptoms and confusing everyone. I have what is called "ocular convergence spasms" in my eyes, which means that my eye muscles are unable to relax. Since they can't relax and really honestly can't move from side to side, I am unable to focus with both eyes on one object. From what I understand, this will be a recurring disease, so once my vision returns this time (praying for next week when I remove the patch!!), it may do the same thing again. We shall see; one day at a time.

Overall, this was great news. In one day, I was assured that I had not had a stroke, a brain tumor, or a "brain problem"--so many blessings to hear! This was a great diagnosis, especially since the prior doctor has mentioned multiple sclerosis, which is such a debilitating disease. I was also REALLY happy to hear that I had not had a stroke.

For now, I am wearing this eye patch over one eye for a week straight, only opening it for the eye drops I have been prescribed. The eye drops are supposed to help to relax the muscles. After one week, I am praying that when my pirate patch comes off I will be able to see again. It is exciting to think about because I have been seeing double fore three weeks now, and next week it will be nearly one month. I will NEVER take my sight for granted again. . .EVER. It is so wonderful to be able to look at things and see the great beauty that God has created. Mountains, children, green grass, everything. Until next week, I am looking forward to seeing those things again with both my eyes opened. :)

So that is my basic overview. One random thing that happened was that my eye stayed dialated until YESTERDAY so when I tried to take my kids to lunch I would up being the one who had to be led by a co-worker! I freaked people out all day long with my HUGE pupil--it was so crazy! Inside light was fine, but the sun was a killer. I am also VERY thankful to look in the mirror today and see a normally constricted pupil. God is good.

A couple of AWESOME things happened this week while I was at work that I REALLY want to share.

On Tuesday, I wound up with extreme attendance issues. While I was talking to the attendance officer at school, the truancy officer was listening to me as I talked and explained why I was so confused--all my absences!! I had to go and speak with the truancy officer after that because two of my students had missed days and in WA, even SWD are included in the whole truancy court issue. I disagree with this, but that is another story for another time. I go in to talk with her and she says, "I overheard you talking about being sick. Are you okay?" So I gave her a basic overview of the issues and she said "Well I believe in the power of healing, so don't claim it." After that, I said, "Well, I believe in the power of Jesus, so I know that this is His will that will be done." She freaked out and was like "Are you a Christian?" So I told her that I was and asked if she was. She was so excited to meet another Christian at the school, and of course, so was I. She prayed over me and we had a great conversation. Before I left, she prayed over me. Once again, this was totally all constructed by the Lord. He placed us there and gave me that attendance situation so that I could be encouraged by another believer. What a great God we have!!

On Thursday, I had more attendance issues (WOW, REALLY>??) so I had to call the techline for help. Somehow, the lady asked me something that went to the eyes. It was a similar situation to what the truancy officer and I had. She said something, I said God, and we discovered that we were both Christians and she encouraged me and spurred me on. . . .and helped me log online to the crazy attendance website!! :) WHAT AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE!

So those were both totally God-sent examples of how the Lord will encourage you when you need it and He will never leave you. When I could so easily be discouraged, God has lifted me up. Thank the Lord for this awesome week and the blessed opportunity to talk about Him so much! Let Him be praised and given the glory He deserves!!

Another huge blessing was being given a ride home by a co-worker yesterday. She went WELL out of her way to bring me home after work when she knew I wouldn't have any other way except to take the bus. How awesome!

Now it is Saturday. My boo has to work, which makes me sad, but I will certainly have the opportunity to rest while I am at home.

Reading in Job has helped to give me perspective--this is so minor and NOT eternal. Doesn't even matter--yes, I can say it does stink and I certainly wouldn't choose this for myself--but I know that there are so many reasons why God allowed this to come to me! Even the examples of this week--so many doors have been opened to talk about Him and share His truth with others. Now THAT is eternal.

I thank you all for your prayers and I am so grateful for you!

Never more than we can handle. . .

2010-09-27T19:08:00.003-07:00

God is just so amazing to me. . .at such a "rock and a hard place" time in my life, I could be in a dark, scary place all the time. Believe me, there have been two REALLY HARD days for me since all of this crazy eyeball-headache-vertigo mess had been going on. . . but God didn't let me stay there.

When I became a Christian nearly ten years ago, the first thing I read was Psalm 40. GOD HAS LIFTED ME OUT OF THE MIRY PIT AND HE HAS SET MY FEET UPON THE SOLID ROCK. . .HE HAS PUT A HYMN OF PRAISE IN MY MOUTH. . . .HE WILL EXALT ME OVER THE ENEMIES (even myself) AND WILL CONQUER!

God loves me too much to leave me in a state of dark, dreary, sadness. I cannot miss what "could have been" because if I am truly born again, I understand that God's plan IS BETTER THAN MY PLAN. None of this was in my plan. I want to teach, to change special education for the better, to bless and help others, to use service and loving to bring others to see the love of Christ. But look at what I have now. . .was that my plan? No. But I know God because He's been my dad for awhile. And if I trust in Him and remember the blessings of old, I will remember that God's plan is ALWAYS better than my own.

Did I plan to get married? Nope. Single. Taiwan. No boys. But now look what I have. . . .the best husband a woman could ever desire, a marriage where my husband is a true representation of how Christ loved the church, despite all of her "irrational, realistic, stubborn" ways. . . .and really, I'm talking about myself. On top of that, now I get to live in Seattle for the current time and this place is a city that I love. I love the people, I love where God has us. I love things that we have been blessed with here.

Did I plan immediately to be a special education teacher? No. I will be a lawyer. I will defend the helpless and abused. But look what I have now. . . .a desire and passion to help those in society who are MOST OFTEN abandoned, abused, and unloved. I can speak for those without words. This is a huge responsibility that is a little scary because God gave it to me and told me "not thy will, but my will. . ." and here I am. What a huge blessing it is to be reminded of how awesome it is to be able to do simple things. My students teach me more than I teach them most days. And now I have my own disability. I write to you squinting with tingly fingers. . .what is this a new challenge?

This us what God has shown me. . .that He will never leave me, forsake me, or stop blessing me. If that is true, then my new disability is a blessing. It willl give me the ABILITY to follow the path God has in store for me. I know that without this "disability," I can no longer follow God's path for my life. This is something HE has allowed to happen to me because this is a journey He has created for me.

And the best part is. . .I have people that God has specifically placed to be with me during this part of my journey. I have my husband who reminds me that the dark place is not okay when I do go there. He lifts me up, reads to me, reminds me of Job and others who have lost way more than me. I have a new friend who God specifically gave to me on Sunday to get me in to the best hospital in the nation (according to the news) THIS WEEK. While other doctors told me to wait and no one gave us answers, I feel certain that the uncertainty is about to be over. On top of that, this new friend has a similar health condition. Who better to bring alongside me than someone who has literally been where I am right now? GOD IS SO GOOD. I do not deserve this. I do not deserve to be this blessed. Because I understand that my salvation is based on faith and not works, I can believe that God does this. I can believe that God will make a path greater than I could ever imagine on my own. I can believe in the LOVE He lavishes upon me. And I can rest assured that He will see me through until the end. He will see me through until it is my turn to be glorified and never see another needle again.

My heaven is a place without needles.

What about you? I hope that you also have a love story so great as this. But unlike most love stories, mine will never be finished. My love story is one that extends past time because to God, time is pretty much pointless. And I can rest in the fact that my love story is one that leads me to prosper and not perish. . . .walk and not grow weary. . . .run the race and receive the crown of glory. Only God can write one like that.

I once was lost. . .and now I don't see?

2010-09-21T18:23:00.003-07:00

Ironic, I know. But sometimes patterns change.

Sept. 11, 2010. Pink eye. Blurry. . .must take WEST-Basic test for my new teaching license. Darn pink eye. Oh wait, it really is double vision.

Five hours later, tired eyes, tired body. . .I exit the test facility. Think I did fine, despite only using one eye at a time while my vision worsened.

Six hours later, ER. CAT scan. Pain. Needles. Ouch.

Sept. 12, 2am. Home. No improvement.

Sept. 13. Neurologist won't see me. Turns us away to the ER.

Sept 13-17. ER. Spinal tap. 2 MRI's. EKG. EEG. So much blood work I look like a "user." This is not the case. Maybe it's an infection. It'll go away in a couple of weeks. If not, maybe it's multiple sclerosis. Maybe it's something totally different. I'm really not sure. I can't do anything more for you here.

Sept. 17, 4pm. Home with a 1,000 ton brick of steroids holding my body in a vertical position. Not cool.

Tried to condense that as much as I could. I am still unable to see, I can't type so well. But I want to get the thoughts out.

So now I am home. My eyes are moving a slight bit more, my strength is being renewed by the Lord alone. All this to tell you the following:

1. God has a purpose; He has a lesson to teach. Maybe several. When I get down over the trials and the valleys, I remind myself that GOD HAS A PURPOSE. His thoughts are not my thoughts, His ways are not my ways. His ways are better. His thoughts more pure.

2. God is using this experience to refine me and to mold me and my faith in Him. I have to trust in Him completely--in His timing,, in His will. I cannot doubt that He has the ability to cure me. He could do that in a split second, and perhaps He will. But I wait now for His timing. And while I wait, I keep the faith. I run in a way to receive the prize, I persevere.

3. "Because it's down in this valley. . .I'm surrounded by You." This is a lyric from a really great song that has always lifted me up. When we are on the peaks, it's much easier to forget the Lord. But when I"m in the valley and there is no place else to look but up. . .that is when I am the closest to God. There is a need for the valleys. . .lest we forget the need for God.

4. In the valley, the view that is most clear is the view up. Ironically, I can see the BEST right now when I am looking up. When my eyes are off the sky, there is confusion. I cannot see clearly; I do not know exactly what is going on. I am unable to aim appropriately and often miss the food hole. ;) But when I look up. . .the view is most clear.

5. Seeing is not believing. When I was in the hospital, the verse that brought me comfort (especially when a needle was in the room) was the following from 2 Cor. 4: "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Thus, the things that I could see each day with my eyes do not matter. Those things will burn. When I pass from this world, none of those things will be seen again. What matters are the things that I cannot see. . .the eternal things. Salvation, the Lord, Jesus. So the fact that my sight has been taken DOES NOT MATTER. In fact, it simplifies faith. I cannot see, so God has taken my ability to focus on the things of this world that I can see. I do not deserve sight; none of my most righteous deeds give me the "RIGHT" to anything. My most righteous deeds lead to death. What saves me? My ability to SEE THE UNSEEN; to FOCUS ON THE UNSEEN; to be MORE CONCERNED WITH the unseen. . . .these are all the greatest gifts of God.

So yes. Once, back before Dec. of 2000, I was LOST. And NOW I AM FOUND. Now I have been effectively made blind to the things of the world. . .but this allows to see only what is important.

God is good.

My God heals.

My God heals in His own time.

And sometimes all you can pray is "God help me." Sometimes the pain is too much. Sometimes there is no breath to get anything else out. But God knows your thoughts and prayers before you do.

Faith is not vision. Faith is belief and trust where there is no vision.

My God is ABLE

2010-09-03T07:19:00.002-07:00

That is a lyric from a REALLLLLLLLLY old gospel song back from the early 90's. "My God is able, yes He is, He can do what He said He'd do!"

God promised me a long time ago when I became one of His covenant children that He would mold me, grow me, protect me, provide for me, multiply me, discipline me, answer my prayers, seek out my best when I can't figure out what is best, and be my Daddy.

God has done all of these things. He has been faithful when I have felt faithless, when I have felt hopeless, when I have been so worried about what was going to happen next.

But you know what? He already won. He won the battle, He defeated the victory, and now He will help me defeat my own enemies. . .sometimes even myself.

I am so thankful for a God like this--for a God who doesn't change on a whim. For a God who isn't like the wayward women of the Bible, being blown to and fro by every new teaching. My God doesn't change His mind; He won't take back what He has already offered to me.

And He offers this so freely to others. Why do we try to complicate things so much? I know I do. It seems like I want things to be "brain-teasers" when sometimes the simplest answer really is the right one! I pray that when others get to a point where God has called them, that they will not complicate what is so simple. When God said faith like a child, He wasn't talking about one of those genius kids who starts college at 8 or is inventing new ways to cook all the fat off bacon. . .He was talking about normal kids. Normal kids who pick their noses, normal kids who cry when their parents leave them, and normal kids who have no concept of time and other things we adults focus so much on.

It's so easy.

It's so simple.

God is so good.

We are SO bad.

We can reach God. . .

If we reach out for help from Jesus.

And you know what?

Even after you've walked with God for years, He STILL ISN'T GOING TO EXPECT YOU TO BE PERFECT. HE STILL UNDERSTANDS THAT YOU ARE GROWING. HE STILL UNDERSTANDS THAT YOU WILL NOT REACH PERFECTION UNTIL THE DAY OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

I am thankful that God reached out to me almost 10 years ago. . .I am grateful that He is still continuing to work on me and work in my heart. Each day He finds a whole new box of things stored up that we have to clean out and purge. He does this with grace and is gentle.

This is the ABLE God that we have. He is able to see us through the hard times, when things aren't looking up, when we are so down we can't even see the Sun. He is able to wipe our slate clean. He is able to forgive us even when we can't accept forgiveness.

I am glad to have this ABLE God. Thank you Lord, for being who you are. I do not want to limit what you can do. Please continue to be ABLE.

Birthdays & Blessings

2010-08-28T15:55:00.004-07:00

Well, the hubby's bday celebration weekend has kicked off! Last night I got off work so late our biking was put off, so we went out for a bday dinner at a place where my boo could get a steak. I crave pickles; he craves steak. Men & women are so different!

Today we went to Seward Park again--the weather has been amazing here lately! It was cold in the park. . .we had on hiking boots and jackets! It got a bit warmer and now the sun is out, but it's still nice outside! I just made the bday cake and sang. . .so my hubbles was sent off to work with a very full tummy! After our hike, he got to get all beefed up again at Five Guys, Burgers & Fries! Apparently, that is the number one burger place in the US right now.

Tomorrow we are heading to church in the morning, then heading to the market for our fresh produce for the week, and then going bowling for hubby's last bday event! It has been a fun weekend, and the weeks keep flying by!

We are feeling really blessed and ever so happy. I don't think I fully realized how ready I was to leave until we got out here and started enjoying the city. There is so much to do and see here. Less stress, more time with my husband, more time to read, etc.

In other news, the husband's new job is going well. He took me for a tour of the grounds at the new hospital and it is lovely. One would never feel comfy at a hospital, but the fact that the hospital is set outside of the city with loads of trees, flowers, fountains, etc. around. . .I would def pick them! The hospital is known for being caring, which is exactly what my husband is. He is going to do well there. I am so happy and proud of him.

Right now I am trying to get motivated to organize some paperwork and other things. . .we will see what happens!! I am so excited to go to church in the morning. . .our sermons have been so awesome lately. I am so thankful to be getting to know people out here also. There are SO many young families like us at our new church. . .loads of people with babies and young kids running around--it is refreshing and getting me very excited for the future. Being a parent is going to be such a huge blessing.

We really feel like God is looking out for us. He is taking care of us, answering our prayers, and giving us an ABUNDANCE of blessings. He has been so provisional during this transitional time in our lives. . .we praise Him!

God is great; God is good!

2010-08-18T13:32:00.002-07:00

My husband got the job at the hospital; amen and hallelujah! We are so thankful and so excited about this! :) Just wanted to say thank you to all who have been praying for us! God is really being faithful, answering prayers, and encouraging us.

Had a great bday celebration this past weekend and last night we had some YUMMY Thai food to celebrate the new job! It was soooo good--the best Thai we've had here yet. . .we are super experts at this point because it seems like we are always hitting the Thai.

Another park this weekend. . .we haven't decided which one we will go to, but there will definitely be some fun to be had this weekend both on Saturday and CHURCH DAY!! :)

We are still loving the new church. . .what a blessing. Making new friends, enjoying sermons and activities, etc. We are looking forward to being able to join in a few months. They do new members class every several months, so until then, we wait! :)

Off to get ready to head back to work for the afternoon. I've pretty much been with the babies here lately, so I am off to clean up spit up and spilled milk! :)

Biking & Hiking. . .and everything nice!

2010-08-13T13:29:00.002-07:00

Well, I guess Friday must be the new official blog day. . .somehow I manage to eat lunch faster on Friday! :) Lunch break time, then it's back to work for just a few more hours! As soon as I get off and get home from work we are going on a bike ride to Green Lake! :) This will be the first time I've been for a ride here since we moved. I hope I can make it. . .my bike is a beach cruiser with 5 speeds, so hills will be the enemy. We will go on the less hilly path to the lake though. :)

Tomorrow we're going hiking at a new park, yay!

I can't believe I had a birthday yesterday. . .doesn't even feel like it, especially since no one but my husband was really excited about it! Thank you Lord for him! :) I got homemade lemon bars, yum!

Our cousins are moving back out here. . .yay! :) We are so excited to welcome them back to our favorite coast. How exciting! Now we will get to see them regularly!

We are still loving our new church--it's awesome! We are starting to get to know more people and once our schedules are "set in stone" we will finally be able to go to a small group. We are 95% sure that my husband will get a job at the hospital (it has to stay posted until Monday legally, but only for internal candidates). We are very thankful for God blessing him in this way and he is definitely looking forward to a new job. It sounds perfect for him!

Well, I'm off to work! No idea who I will be with this afternoon!

TGIF!!

2010-08-06T12:56:00.003-07:00

I was finally able to go to the doctor (since I had a high fever) so now I am on antibiotics to cure my sinus infection. I dislike doctors greatly, but I am ready to feel good again! I am ready to be able to walk and have fun and ride my bike!

I am very glad that today is Friday. I have been in a younger class all week at work and there are soooo many kids and sooo much action. . .and I have to blow my nose soooooo many times a day. . . the weekendis very welcome and I am ready for 6pm!

This week we are thankful that my husband has a part-time job. He also received a call on his "most-desired" job, and it really looks like he will get it! What an answered prayer! The job is very close to home, and it is the hospital he wants to work at. I hope that he will get the final word very soon!

Our friend from Taiwan left us yesterday; now we look forward to our trip to Taiwan with great anticipation. The good news--we have a place to stay for free and food in Taiwan is dirt cheap. The bad news: plane tickets are not dirt cheap. We hope to have enough money saved up so that we can travel there in 1.5-2 years. We actually are hoping to go in the "winter" because summer will be SO hot. If we can, we hope to visit during Chinese New Year, which takes place at the end of January and the beginning of February. It would be a great experience! My husband and I look forward to that, but for now, we are here in our new home, enjoying our new city very much.

I am thankful for the following things:

1. People here are more real. If you're mad, you say it. If you have issues, you don't hide them and put on a mask. This I appreciate; the south in general seems to be VERY into outward appearances and being "clean" and "good." I'd rather have honest.

2. Convenience. We shop at like, 6 different grocery stores. There are tons of coupons, and certain stores have good prices on certain items. However, we do not have to DRIVE to ANY of these places. NO. WE WALK.

3. A greater ability to serve daily. If you look back to number one, I like honesty. My spiritual gifts are serving and mercy. If no one is ill, how can I serve? Here, I feel that I can more easily serve and people are more likely to say, "Hey, I need help." God is giving me this huge blessing. If I cannot help and serve others, I often feel useless, sad, and as if I am not being obedient to God's call. Serving and setting an example for Jesus here is a totally different experience. I love it.

4. Parks and walking. Self-explanatory. We only drive on Sunday, and this week we are biking to church since our guest is no longer with us (we only have 2 bikes!!).

5. Awesome new church. I'm glad to be getting fed again. We love the church we are attending and their focus on serving the community. I often wonder why the body is not reaching out. This church has a great community focus that we love.

6. Weather. Much cooler. Less sweat=less annoyance. Also, less sunscreen irritation.

Overall, we're feeling happy and settled in here. Lunch break is almost over...off to brush teeth before a few more hours!

Swollen glands

2010-08-03T13:19:00.002-07:00

So. . .I've been sick for 2 weeks now. . .it is killer! :( I wish that I could go to the doctor, but I work too late! I have no idea what to do about that one. Please pray that I get better!

I am hoping to be able to go tomorrow, but I am not sure if it is going to happen. It is hard to enjoy anything here when I feel this way--I feel so bad because we have a guest and all I feel like doing is sleeping!

Still praying on a full-time job for the hubby, and praying that things will continue to go smoothly at my job. I am around kids of all ages all day long. . . one day I will finally get to be a super parent for my own kids! ;) We look forward to that!~

More another day...but now my lunch break is over and I have to get back to work!

Praises to the Lord!

2010-07-19T08:31:00.003-07:00

Yesterday we finally found a church matching nearly all of our desires. Since no church is perfect, we are pretty sure that this is the one!

The worship was awesome, the guest pastor was great (the actual pastor was home; very sick. :(), they have small groups, etc.

After last week (wow, a "claimed" reformed church with a female pastor), we were so thankful to find like-minded believers. When we first got there, the numbers were slim, but since we were early it soon became quite full. This is awesome for an area like Seattle.

We sang very worshipful songs (with instruments, unlike our 2nd church), we took communion (and will every week, awesome!), and we did Scripture/confessional recitation, which I have missed.

There are several small groups all around the city, so we will go to one of those this week, based on when I get off work. Some are at 6, while some meet at 7:30. And if none of those work, we can always do Sundays. However, we would greatly prefer to spread out the joy during the week. :)

Also, they have a food ministry with the homeless, women's Bible studies, and overall, we were just pleased to have opportunities to serve side by side with fellow Christians OUTSIDE of the church building. Not saying that we survive based on works (so not true!), but where there is faith, works will follow. We have missed serving others with Christian brothers and sisters, and we are excited to see what happens at this new church.

PRAISE BE TO GOD! WE LIFT UP OUR HEARTS TO HIM!

In other news, this morning I will begin my new job. I will be in training and a "floater" for an unknown period of time. This actually sounds quite nice to me. Having too many responsibilities for the past couple of years has been exhausting. I will be happy to do what others request for awhile while they decide with whom I will teach. :)

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My husband and I are enjoying our friend S (from Taiwan) so much. . .I am so thankful that even though God has asked me to be patient and wait to return to where I left my heart 4 years ago, that He is now allowing friends FROM where I left my heart to come to us. God knows exactly what I need, as well as what my husband and I need. We are practicing our Chinese in hopes that S can help us pick out what language program will be the best. Each area (i.e. southern Taiwan vs. northern Taiwan, Taiwan vs. China, etc.) all speak with different Chinese accents, much like people in different areas of the USA do. Hence, we need a program that speaks like the people from Taiwan. Learning a tonal language is difficult enough; we do not need any more hurdles to cross. :)

I have had a wonderful summer. Spending time with people back in GA, exploring our new city, enjoying exploring even more and being a tour guide for S. . .such a very blessed summer.

I'm off to get ready for work!

"Home"

2010-07-18T08:41:00.002-07:00

Well, this morning we will try our 4th church here in the area. . .we are praying to find our new "home." We miss our home back in GA. We miss our family there. Here, going from church to church each Sunday with no roots, reminds me of being a freshman in college. Everyone always tried lots of different churches "just to make sure" I only went to two different churches, once a piece, after going to home. Home was the first church I went to after moving away to college. Home is where I have been since 2003.

A few notes on the word "home:"

1. I am not talking about a house in which I lived

2. I am talking about a body of believers with which I had great fellowship. I am talking about family. Home is where your family is.

3. Right now, our family is far away back in GA. We miss them greatly, and they are still in our hearts and on our minds.

4. Home can be expanded. People want to say, "don't forget where you come from." Well, I believe that since home is a people-group for me, your home can only grow larger.

5. I think building a larger home is what God wants. He doesn't just want a two person home. He wants a home with lots of colors, lots of faces, lots of DIFFERENCES.

6. If our home is only made up of one color, it's too much. We need to paint. I'm not saying that we have to run out and force ourselves on people. No. That is wrong. I am saying that we need to expand our vision of what God wants in a home. I know that God likes colors. Browns, greens, . . .even pinks and purples! Maybe some polka dots.

I have many soapboxes, this is just one of them. But I write all of this to say that we pray that this 4th church will be a place that we can expand our home. Right now, I have my husband and one of my favorite people from Taiwan here (i.e. close enough to touch). I'm ready to expand, to study God's word, to continue growing with some new editions to the home.

Doxology

2010-07-15T07:48:00.002-07:00

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all creatures here below,

Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts,

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. . . .

Amen.

Thank you Lord. This is something to keep faith and worship simple. Recognition that the Lord, all 3 parts, are to be praised, worshipped, & adored. All that is good comes from God. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. That means that whether or not I recognize certain things as good, they ARE good. I do not even recognize all of the GOOD that is being done for me. That is amazing!!

Another simple song I remember singing in Sweden. It was a song/prayer. . .something a friend there sang with her children before each meal. Yes, we sang it in English. :)

Thank you Lord, for giving us food,

Thank you Lord, for giving us food,

Thank you Lord, for giving us food,

Right where we are....

Sing hallelujah, praise the Lord,

Sing hallelujah, praise the Lord,

Sing hallelujah, praise the Lord,

Right where we are....

1. God provides, no matter where you are. You are His child. You will not be forgotten.

2. God can and should be praised all the time, no matter where you are. Whether it's "Thanks God for this parking space," or "Thanks God for healing my friend with cancer."

Faith doesn't have to be complex. . .in fact, it shouldn't be. Why do we keep making things complicated? We like to work for/to God. Sadly, that's now how it works and it wastes so much time!! God made faith easy enough for a child to understand . . .let's keep it that way.

Thank you Lord

2010-07-14T09:37:00.003-07:00

Thank you Lord

1. For my husband

2. For this day

3. For letting a friend get here from overseas safely to stay with us!

4. For making the loud trucks quieter

5. For cooler weather

6. For the job I start Monday

7. For kids

8. For parks and trees. . .and all other green areas!

9. For fun times

10. For mail

Thank you Lord for being faithful to me even when I am not faithful to You. Thank you for answering our prayers. I pray now that you would allow us to find a new church home that is not extreme in any way!! No female pastors, no monotonous tones, . . .help us please now!

Psalm 25: Hope & ACTION

2010-07-08T08:01:00.002-07:00

Psalm 25

1[a] To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

2 in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

4 Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

5 guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

17 The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.

18 Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

19 See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

22 Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

At last. . .

2010-07-03T11:51:00.002-07:00

HOME.

Everything is done. We are about to go downtown and enjoy our first day "off" since getting here. The place looks great; the husband did an excellent job getting all the pictures up! :)

<3

Collapse in Oregon. . .

2010-06-28T19:11:00.002-07:00

This evening we are resting. A week of travel=wow, I cannot believe we did this! We are super tired this evening, so once we got to our hotel, we decided to stay in. Tomorrow we will explore and see Portland, Oregon. We are hoping to go to the Japanese Gardens and Rose gardens as well as see downtown.

I am spending some time now putting our pictures online. . .let's just say I've probably taken 3000 or more, so it's getting a little crazy at this point. :) It's what I do!

Just enjoying some rest with the husband, about to get some sleep! So exciteD!

On the road. . .exhaustion + Penske = moving to Seattle!

2010-06-26T21:59:00.002-07:00

My husband and I are on the way to our new home! Cannot believe that we are 3/4 of the way there! Currently, I am writing from our hostel in Salt Lake City. Today we drove in from Colorado Springs. It was a beautiful, twisty, crazy ride.

Thus far, we have seen Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Colorado, and now Utah! Our final states: Idaho and Oregon.

We have stayed with friends along the way--loads of fun to see them! Now we are frolicking in Utah at a hostel with one of our bff's. She's here for summer camp. Tonight we walked around and saw all of the "Mormon sights" in UTah--the temples, the full tour of all the buildings. . .etc.

Tomorrow we will enjoy some other sites.

We will also head out toward Idaho for a bit. That way, we hopefully won't have to do a full trip from here to Oregon--it's a long way!

We will officially be moving into our new place on the 30th--what a blessing!

Exhausted. . .trying to soak it all in! :)

Change of address

2010-06-17T07:18:00.002-07:00

So, I just officially changed our address on the USPS website. It's so handy being able to do that online . . .standing in line at the post office is definitely my idea of TORTURE. Not a good thing, I promise. It seems like the post office is always slammed with people whenever I go and have to stand in line. Thank heavens for the internet.

So a few more things have fallen into place for our trip. We have three sets of people to visit along the way; we are hoping to arrive there on the 20th so that the next day we can get up and start loading up the new apartment.

Can't wait to PI-VOT! Heehee.

If you're a FRIENDS fan, you understand the above quote. If not, I'm sorry.

We are sitting here at our friends' house so that we can use the internet to update things with the new address, get the new address to our friends, and take care of a few essential "chores" that have to be done.

We are about to go meet the cousins for lunch. . .then go visit a few friends before ending the evening cleaning ceiling fans and other random things at the house.

Tomorrow will be my last chance to bake in our current house. Then I'll be packing and cleaning all day while the husband is at work having a goodbye party with his favorite foods. :) People have been so wonderful to us lately!

Yesterday we helped our other friends load up their moving truck--they are currently on the road driving to Nashville. It made me even more excited for our move when I saw their packed out truck. We are so looking forward to literally "Trucking it" across the country. I'm sure I'll take a billion and one pictures. Too bad I already packed the hard drive. . .it's somewhere in our bazillion boxes. Love the alliteration.

I can't wait!

Newly Hitched

2010-06-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Well, our best friends are finally hitched! YEHAW~! We had a great time celebrating for several days with them, and now we are certainly exhausted.

We have some other best friends visiting, some on the way to visit, and plenty of things left to clean in the house. . .but most of that will have to wait practically until the day of the move! I refuse to vacuum fifty times. Our plan is to move from the back of the house to the front so that we can clean each room from the front to back. The floors will have to be cleaned before we leave. Everything else will be done this weekend! Thank goodness my husband is tall and can clean ceiling fans. ;)

We are super excited to set off on an adventure. . .three families/friends to visit on the way across the country. We have been advised to camp in Colorado. :) We will see what happens!@

Two Weeks Tomorrow

2010-06-07T18:03:00.003-07:00

And the countdown continues. . .

2 weeks (from tomorrow) until we leave for Seattle!

Until the time comes, we will be here, spending time with friends, watching our best friends get married, and enjoying our last little bit of time here before we head out on our next adventure and chapter of life. It's been awhile since I figured out what chapter I was on. . .I guess I may have to revisit some more of my old posts to figure out where I am headed with my husband!

Currently, my husband and I are sitting with our soon to be hitched bff's using the wireless internet whilst watching a movie (on and off). The husband is taking one of the online courses required for his job out in Seattle. I had to take two myself and thus far I've only done one. Online classes you have to pass are kind of like a punishment. It takes me back to the days of grad school, I guess.

Our friends are discussing eateries that they'd like to partake of on their honeymoon. I'm just glad that they will be back to see us off. Otherwise, I'd be crying even worse on Saturday. The floodgates are going to open, I'm telling you.

Since I like lists, I am now going to make a list of the things that we are excited about once we get to Seattle. . .

1. Cultural diversity

2. Challenges

3. The opportunity to become much closer to my husband, as we will pretty much only know each other there for a bit. . .

4. Having fun visitors

5. New church

6. Gluten-free, healthy foods at Trader Joe's

7. Pike Place MArket . . .and it's produce. Can anyone say delish apples?

8. Fun stuff to do that is FREE

9. Parks and frolicking outside

10. Music possibilities

11. Making new friends and becoming snail mail pals with my current pals

12. Walking to work/the husband biking to work

13. Rain and fog and COOOOOOOOL weather

14. Pacific Ocean

15. Hills

16. Preschool

17. Thai & CHinese

In other news, one of my best friends from TAiwan is coming to visit us on July 13 and I am SOOOOOOOO excited to see her! What a great surprise!

God has blessed me so much . . .wonderful husband, wonderful adventures, wonderful friends to see us off, God's wonderful promises of more friends. . .I just love what God can do for His people.

How deep the Father's love for us. . . .how vast beyond all measure. . .!!

< 3

2010-06-03T07:19:00.002-07:00

Less than three weeks until the big move. . .

Our house is a disaster area, complete with a multitude of boxes. . .some ours, a few going to Goodwill, and some still not packed because let's face it--you have to wait until the last minute for some things.

That makes me crazy.

Today I'm off to get my hair trimmed and watch on of my bff's get her wedding 'do. Then home to meet up with another friend to plan for the Bachelorette fun that is to come tomorrow. This involves a spend the night party. :)

Fun times! We are winding down, spending time with people, and enjoying ourselves. . .except my boo still has to work. :( I miss him.

Soon we'll be trapped in a car together driving across the country. . .so I guess we will make up for it then! I just ordered a ginormous book of Madlibs--bound to keep us entertained for many hours!

I can't wait to see the USA!

Keeping the old. . .and the new

2010-05-28T04:47:00.003-07:00

The expression "out with the old and in with the new" does not always have to apply. While in some cases, this is true (i.e. becoming a Christian--bye bye old self!!), it is not true in my personal opinion when it comes to friends.

Yes, some friends are only in your life for a season. They come in for a chapter or two but then they are gone--not because you "hate each other," but simply because life moves you in different directions.

I know that in moving, I do not feel like I am going to "lose" anything. In a technologically advanced society, it'd be really hard to "fall off the face of the planet." I have friends that I know are those friends that will be in my life "for the rest of my chapters."

If you are reading this as a friend, I'm not dipping out on people--just the location.

:)

All in all, my husband and I have been very blessed with some amazing friends. Not only did all of our friends come together last Saturday to bid us goodbye and God be with you, but my friends from work surprised us last night. . .and many other friends have had us over for dinner, taken us out for dinner, or set aside some of their precious time to spend with us before we leave.

For this, I am so thankful and grateful.

Moving is emotional--we have deep, emotional, God-centered ties with friends here who have seen us through the years. We will not forget.

With the Lord in your heart, there is always more love to give. You can never reach a limit with love; you can never run out of love.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

We had such a great time last night. It was great seeing work friends outside of work. This morning I get to meet with my fav teacher people. It begin long ago as "Three Feisty Teachers" and now we've grown a bit larger. . .FIVE FEISTY TEACHERS! ;)

Cracker Barrel + turkey bacon + friends = a good time. MMMMMMM MMMMMMM.

Tomorrow we have showers and this upcoming week, more packing and more spending time with friends! How exciting! I am going to enjoy my last bit of summer here before the move.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

In other news, we've been approved for an apartment. Two-bedroom, vaulted ceilings, top floor. Super excited to see how all our furniture is going to get to the top floor. I guess all my protein bars will come in handy as the husband and I hoist our ginormous couch over our heads. That thing would never fit in an elevator. Except maybe the elevators at IKEA or Trader Joe's . . .but that isn't going to benefit us. We won't be living in a store.

PI-VOT! PI-VOT! I can see a reenactment of FRIENDS now. I'll give the quote to him though. ;)

That's all my news for now. . .! Off to look at some books. . .like we need more. . .

Last Day

2010-05-25T06:54:00.003-07:00

So, it's my official LAST DAY of work here at the school. . . and when I say "work," I mean sitting around looking up stuff on the internet because I am done with everything!

Whew. There are only so many things I can research on the internet and read about. . .it might be time to pull out my book!

My husband and I woke up this morning to a scary sight in the kitchen through some not quite well-made areas. . ."ant invasion 2010." It was not a pretty sight; they were everywhere! We sprayed, squished, and killed lots of the sneaky creatures, and by the time they were all dead, we knew we were running behind schedule!

Crazy way to get going on the last day of work, but as long as they don't greet me when I get home, I'll be just fine and dandy!

Last night we had the blessing of eating out with some dear friends at Cracker Barrel--our cousins have informed us that once we move to the west, we will miss the Crack. The Crack has always been one of my favorite places to eat (even though it hurts my tummy so badly), so I know I'll miss it.

Who knew that I'd get to eat there twice in one week? But Friday's brunch will bring me turkey bacon and eggs, not veggies.

My husband is just the best. Last week, he bought me a movie I had been wanting to watch again after reading the book (Slumdog Millionaire), and inside the movie was a MASSAGE APPOINTMENT. Thus, until Thursday, I will be anxiously awaiting an hour long deep tissue massage. This is very wonderful news to my aching back!

By the way, once you've read the book S.M., you'll be very disappointed in how much the movie is TOTALLY NOT THE SAME as the book. The book is so much better and more intricate. . .and also much more thought-provoking.

I can't wait to go to India.

The children of the world in a multi-colored array are so beautiful to me. A rainbow of mixed ethnicities. . .awesome.

This morning I filled out the application for the awesome apartment we found-super excited to get out there and see it in person. Also super excited to see how our oversized furniture is getting up the stairs to the top floor where we will live. It's not heavy stuff. . .just bulky. But that is a challenge all in itself.

In other news, Trader Joe's is 3 miles from the new place, so my dietary needs will be met close to home. There is also a natural foods store right across the street. Yesterday while at "work" I managed to check out the full area and map out distances to everything we could possibly need. It's looking like it'll be easy to park the car and only use that baby when we road trip to CANADA, PORTLAND, AND CALI!

Before we hit Asia, it seems necessary to see all we can see. I think once we get there the chances of us being anywhere near motivated to return will be extremely slim.

Cambodia, Nepal, India, mainland China, Japan, the whole Asian rim--it's calling. I'm listening. . .hearing the sounds of the city, smelling the smells of the food, feeling the emotional lost burden of the people, and feeling at home whilst doing this.

Sounds good.

I know it's God.

A JOB!

2010-05-24T11:10:00.002-07:00

God is good. . .and ever so faithful!

As I type, I am typing to you as a preschool teacher! :)

I am very excited and SO blessed to be moving in a less-stressful direction. I am so glad that the Lord has opened this door. I definitely need a break after the past two years--they have been so hectic!

In addition to this huge blessing, the Lord has opened up an opportunity to live in an apartment complex that appears to be awesome and have ALMOST everything we want (it's only missing a washer and dryer, but I'm willing to compromise). The best part is that my new job is DIRECTLY BEHIND said apartment complex.

I GET TO WALK TO WORK/RIDE MY BIKE TO WORK!

NO MORE TWENTY MINUTE DRIVES~!

THE LORD IS AWESOME!

We are so excited to start this new chapter. . .and I am so excited to live in a more gluten-free friendly location!

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!

The joys of. . ..

2010-05-15T11:57:00.003-07:00

Fingerprinting?

Ah, yes. It came down to that. To get a new teaching certificate, I had to jump through some hoops. Getting re-fingerprinted was just the beginning. I am currently waiting for my college folk to write up my program so that I can send off for a temporary WA certificate.

I feel like the Lord has not opened a door yet and called me to a job. . .so I take this as, "Talitha, I may want you to trust me a bit longer with this whole "being a SPED teacher" a little bit longer." So I'm just trying to listen. I am getting my ducks in a line to apply for many special education positions in the surrounding school districts near SCATTLE. There are quite a few openings in about 5 near-enough districts, so we will see what happens. There is one particular district that is standing out a bit more to me; not sure why.

My current job was one of those "I really don't think I want to do this" jobs; but it was exactly what I was supposed to do for the last 2 years. I know I have made a difference; changed a mentality; changed lives.

The Lord had me teach middle school. Scary. He may want me to do that again; He may let me do what I want to do and get back to the younger ones. . .or He may call me to high school or a transition program for those transitioning from high school into the work force, which is actually something I feel very strongly about.

I can teach al day long; but long-term goals are where my head is each time I write an IEP. I want jobs for my kids. I want acceptance, love, justice, understanding, patience, and independence for them.

Maybe my passion and overwhelming need to right the wrongs in the world will once again lead me to another challenge. Another mountain top experience with many peaks and valleys. I'm not sure, but I have to step out in faith and continue to follow God's will.

I've figured out you just can't get away from it. I know what I want. But God hasn't called me to an easy path yet, so maybe that's just not the path for me.

I pray to God in heaven that I will have the strength from above to get through the next several years. . .I need to work with kids with special needs at least 3 more years to avoid paying off some loans. :) I just know that God does not give us gifts to let them lie in a closet. I cannot deny that He desires for me to be obedient, use my gifts, and bless others as much as possible throughout each life experience I have.

The road we are given is not always easy.

The life we need is not our own.

Our experiences build strong character.

Perseverance will prepare me for the future.

The future may bring great persecution, death, and perhaps being stabbed with a machete in a Chinese school. What is up with crazed folks in China stabbing kids and teachers these days? Is that the "in thing" over there?

Dear God. . .give my husband and myself strength, discernment, knowledge, wisdom, patience, trust, and faithfulness as we step out to land on a life boat called "Your Will Be Done."

May I fall with exhaustion at the end of my life for following Your righteous path.

May I love my husband, friends, and enemies.

May Your grace cover my darkness, holes, and heart.

May I not be selfish in my thoughts; please show me Your will.

2 weeks!!

2010-05-08T06:30:00.002-07:00

WOW--only 2 weeks left of work now. . .so crazy!

I can't believe how fast the time flies by. We've had a few crazy weeks in a row, but they haven't been bad, boring, or slow. So that is a good thing!

I am at our church now trying to get everything straight for my BFF's next shower. Addresses can be hard to come by, as well as WIFI. I am excited about the availability of WIFI in the northwest. Here, I have to drive 15-25 minutes to reach a friendly internet provider (a friend, our church, or ABC). Soon this will no longer be an issue!

Our world is very dependent on technology. . .so I am too! My iphone can do lots, but not everything yet. Plus, my eyeballs get worn out looking at the tiny screen. It's nice to see LARGE font hollering out at me!

Today we will be spending time with the cousins from Seattle, YAY! We are excited to see them again, even though we are in a much hotter climate now. :/ It will still be a fun time!

I'm still on the job search. . .had more offers, but people want you to "come in and tour" and start ASAP. . .and I can't do that. I guess these limitations may be leading toward a nanny position. I know that if the Lord desires that, He will continue to close doors. Otherwise, He will open a window elsewhere.

Right now I am just waiting. And you know what? I'm having more patience with God and His time frame. Ahh, the things you can learn from a stressful job (stressful but requested by the Lord).

Off I go, home to the husband!

3.5 weeks and counting down. . .

2010-04-27T12:02:00.003-07:00

Sweet treasures, only 3 weeks left of work--so excited and ready for the summer! I wish my husband had a 9.5 month-out-of-the-year job, but this is not the case. However, I will have plenty of time to clean and pack our entire house, get ready for my BFF's wedding, and hopefully finish my own wedding scrapbook.

That's what summer is all about!

We are still getting excited for the move. It's becoming more real--after we went, I realized that soon my best friends will be thousands of miles away.

Time to be the "new girl" again. However, I think that being the "new girl" is always a beneficial part of life. It's a huge challenge, it pushes us out of our comfort zones, and you have the opportunity to focus more dependence on God.

We all want to depend on living, present, visible people: parents, friends, co-workers, spouses, etc. for our happiness, comfort, and protection. We want to depend on others to meet our needs. However, those of us who know the Lord know that this is not a beneficial way of life. . .we need to depend more on the Lord than on others, even our spouses! Our spouses cannot meet all our needs; they may fail us at times (even though they are WONDERFUL). GOD however does not do this. God meets all our needs. God is there for us even when we deny Him. God forgives us even when we are evil, mean, and discouraging.

Thank heavens for God's mercy and grace. I forget. He remembers. He is faithful when we are faithless.

Currently, I'm trying to focus energy on wedding events for the BFF, finishing this year by doing fun activities with my students, and keeping the house as clean as possible because we're moving soon!

Since the trip to Seattle, I've deduced that bread is not a friend, but a foe. I was sad to make this discovery, but the introduction of extreme protein to my diet had made my stomach calm down. I am so grateful to the Lord for the man that we talked to in "Super Supplements." Right time, God's perfect timing; now I can stand up straight all day at work! I am so thankful to the Lord for taking us there so that I could begin the healing process.

"Oh, how He loves us so...

If grace is an ocean we're all sinking. . ."

SCATTLE

2010-04-13T17:31:00.001-07:00

For some reason, I like to give everything a nickname. Or make up new words to describe things. So we've started calling Seattle "Scattle." It's a fun nickname.

We got back super late (or really early?) Saturday morning and are still trying to readjust to the 3-hour time change. Quite a challenge. I think I felt it more on the way there because I'd had a long day of work. Now M is feeling it worse on the way back. :( Poor pookie.

We really had a wonderful trip. God was very provisional. We looked at several apartments and really got to know the areas we are interested in out there. We found an apartment that we really like and it's in a good location, so we're pretty much depending on the Lord to ensure that there is an open apartment for us in July. God really came through on the trip, plus I was very thrilled to have my husband all to myself (pretty much) for a week. We've both been working lots and we've had a busy year (getting married, GAA, other random events). It was wonderful just to spend time with him and have a stress-free, enjoyable week.

I had a job interview and have a "back-up" job secured, but I am continuing to seek God and try to find a job in early intervention. I'm also looking into some jobs teaching English as a second language--that'd get some good stuff in for Asia!

God also greatly blessed us with some family time. At what point can I say "my cousins," I'm not sure. But "my husband's cousin's family" welcomed us into their home, got us a car to drive, and allowed us to share some fun times with them. It was nice to go to a place where my dietary needs were considered--that has never happened before so I was feeling very blessed to see almond milk and dairy-free products. What a great bunch of folks; plus time with kids is always fun. We are looking forward to more fun times in a few weeks when they visit Florida!

For now, I am signing off. . .I'm off to pick up my sweet from work because he had a late meeting! Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

Thank you God. <><

Thursday. . .

2010-03-28T13:55:00.001-07:00

Thursday is the day. . .we are flying out! HALLELUJAH!!

SO READY FOR SPRING BREAK!!!!!!

To be or not to be. . .

2010-03-22T13:35:00.001-07:00

A nanny. Hmmmm. I am seriously thinking about this as we prepare to make the move. I am basically at the point where they are going to give families my application and place me in a home.

Do I want to hold out for early intervention or try my hand at being a nanny?

It's about to get pretty crazy. I think it'd be fun to have fun with kids and not have to assess them. . .what a nice break after the past couple of years.

I am really leaning toward it!

Less than two weeks until THE TRIP! WOO HOO!

To be or not to be. . .

2010-03-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

Interesting on the food. . .

2010-03-18T16:15:00.003-07:00

I just read a blog about a teacher who has decided to eat the same school lunch as her students for the entire year. . .I fear that her health may be in serious jeopardy. I can't be the only one who feels that a hot dog disguised as a pancake pup is NOT the right way to start the day. I enjoy having fun with the kids during lunch, but it also hurts my stomach. . .

Piling mayo on top of a fried unidentifiable piece of meat is not an ideal way to get the necessary nutrients one needs for a rousing math activity later in the afternoon.

Also--who knew that a box of Jell-O could be the solution to snacks for the rest of my life as an educator? There is nothing more "cool" to my students than creating food products. . .and the whole just add water thing is certainly a plus on my list.

Just tried "super spicy hummus" for the first time. Yum. Despite my stomach issues, I don't think I can give up my spice. Oops.

The Move. . .

2010-02-28T04:12:00.004-08:00

Since so many of you have questions about our move, I figured I'd type up a quick summation of our calling, reasoning, obedience, and excitement. . .for the future we're about to embark upon.

Who:
My husband & I

What:
Feel a calling to move to a place more culturally diverse with more challenges so we can really live our lives like Christ. . .Jesus didn't just stay in a "safe" comfort zone with his favorite 12 disciples all the time. They didn't hang out with each other watching movies all the time. . .Jesus hung out with people who were different from Himself. Since we life in the self-proclaimed Bible belt, finding people who have different beliefs is a challenge. Even though there are truly people here who are non-believers and who have differing beliefs from myself, most of them are not real about it. We're looking for real people to be in our lives who say they are not followers of Christ. . .people who aren't afraid to be honest about who they are. Plus, we want to live in Asia, hopefully in the next five years. Asia is a very dark place, a place of spiritual warfare. Moving from GA to Asia is like moving from the light to the dark. . .there's no grey area there.

Hence, we're moving to Seattle in June. Cultural diversity, a different place, an unchurched region, and an awesome, growing, biblical, NOT AFRAID TO SPEAK OUT AND STEP ON TOES church. Amen, hallelujah. We want to be a part of a church where people aren't scared to be themselves, where the pastor gets out and is active and missional, and a place where we can use our spiritual gifts. There just isn't an outlet here for mercy. At Mars Hill, there are tons of opportunities, community groups, outreach activities, and a very much missional community of people who may not be cookie cutter Christians. . .but being a cookie cutter is not something to be desired. Each has been given a gift, and each gift has a purpose and is to be desired.

When:
June, after our dear friends get married.

Where:
Somewhere within 10 miles of the center of Seattle. Hopefully neighbors with some funky people who can challenge us. Push us outside that comfort zone.

Why:
Because we want to follow God's call, we want to be around a larger Asian population, and God tells us to go to the world. He didn't tell us to sit in the living room and wait for something/someone to fall into our laps. Don't get me wrong--I believe in God's providence, and I believe that God brings things to us. . .but we aren't supposed to sit around and be lazy about things either.

If we're supposed to be like the farmer who goes out and tills the soil because he trusts in the rain, then we as Christians have to act on our beliefs. As an old-school pastor of mine who used to jump the pews said to me at a young age. . ."If you're going to talk the talk, you've got to walk the walk." In our case, we'll be "driving the distance" or something catchy like that.

As we say in my classroom, Amen, Hallelujah.

Phone interview

2010-02-01T13:59:00.003-08:00

I have a phone interview this Friday for a job in Seattle. . .YEHAW! It's at the child care place that I really liked when I looked at their website.

I got way too excited to see a small child of Asisan descent in a picture. It was love at first sight!

It'll be interesting to actually be interviewed over the phone. I have always basically been hired by word of mouth. . .and I've only had one in person interview with a principal. I hope that it goes well and that the people are what they seem to be!

I want to work with people who are genuinely concerned with the wello being of the children we work with. I pray that there will be others at my new job who are not there just to receive a paycheck. I pray that we will be motivated with one sound focus. . .to help to intervene in the lives of these precious children.

It's back to the little ones for me. Smaller means easier to help in many cases. This will be great in light of my recent back pain.

I love the kids. That's what it's all about.

:)

I pray that God will help use me at my job and at the new homestead to reach others and make a difference.

Ch-ch-ch-changes. . .

2010-01-26T14:17:00.002-08:00

Ah yes.

It's time for another change. My life gets too busy to blog, but when it's time for a change, I try to at least write a blurb.

It's official: my husband and I are moving to Seattle in June.

After months of praying and seeing what the Lord wants us to do, we see that:

1. We have to move to an area where Asians and other cultural groups live, work, and play. If we want to move to Asia in five years, we need a little bit more in the color scale, if you know what I'm saying. Here in Georgia, it's pretty difficult to find people who aren't part of the "Bible belt" mindset.

2. I need a job change. I am praying and hoping for a job in early intervention or preschool. I will not live my life this stressed, and I will not choose my career over my family. My husband agrees. :)

So we're REALLY excited and ready to experience a life-changing move across the country.

We still love the people in our church family here, but this place is very much a comfort zone. We have to spread out as Christians, not just stay with each other.

We'll see how it goes!

Happily married

2009-12-19T15:10:00.001-08:00

I'm finally happily married to my best friend, my love muffin, my pookie! :)

Life's pretty sweet!

Falling Into Place

2009-09-07T15:37:00.003-07:00

Well, I think it's about time for another update on the craziness that is often my life. It is crazy, but beautiful. Ironically, that is the title of an old late 90's movie with Kirsten Dunst!

Last-minute wedding details are finally coming together. Friday we printed wedding invitations--they look great! On Saturday, I went with two of my favorite people to pick out my bridal jewelry that I get to wear for free on the day of my wedding! :) Today I have finalized our guest list and I know EXACTLY how many stamps I need to purchase to mail the necessary invitations.

Decorations have been discussed, my wedding dress is waiting for me to pick it up in Atlanta, and photography shots have been discussed. . .from Chinese take-out to pictures in trunks, it's all coming to a close.

75 days.

I really have enjoyed the planning, but I am ready to execute. That's just who I am. I like to plan out each detail of something and then execute. Now I feel like I am just hanging around. However, there are still things that jump out at me, reminding me that I have plenty left to do. From addressing envelopes to placing a monogrammed stamp directly in the middle of a wedding program, I will manage to keep myself very busy with wedding planning right up until Nov. 21. Hopefully, more like the 20th. There is no need to do stuff the day of except enjoy getting my hair done with my favorite people. Ahh, hair salon photography. Great stuff.

I am so thankful for the wonderful people who have helped me through all of the planning. . .the people who met with me to work on things, the people who helped me choose just the right font, and the people who selflessly volunteered to help with flowers, decorations, photography, food, etc. I have been blessed with so many wonderful things throughout this whole process, and even though I stress out at times (mainly over money), it has all been a great deal of fun.

My fiance is the most wonderful person in the world and I am anxious to start our life together as a covenent family. I pray that together, we will share the love of Christ with even more fervence. And I pray that our marriage shows Christ's love for the church as it should! :)

Provisional God

2009-08-09T04:51:00.003-07:00

Just wanted to type up a quick post to say how provisional our God is. We had our first wedding shower yesterday and it was so much fun!! :) We were able to spend time with some very special people, eat some very tasty (READ: SPICY!!) snacks, and really just have a great Saturday. . .even with some friends who had traveled a long way to come see us!

We sniffed spices and quickly learned that if curry is in a bag of spices, alllllll the other spices will smell like curry! It was hilarious! I managed to get cinnamon and oregano (I think) out of 8 spices. This was a really cool idea that L. got from her parents!

As for God being provisional, M. and I were excited to see that almost all of the things we REALLY needed. . .even for safety purposes (KLUTZ=ME!!) were given to us yesterday! Among those things were knives (I have been using M's really scary and dangerously sharp hunting knife!) and potholders (let's just say I've already burned myself on the oven once). AMAZING!

Later on, several of us just hung out at the house for awhile. . .and the awesome GRILL was put together right in the kitchen! M. is excited and we're already planning on some Labor Day grilling activities. :)

Now I'm off to write in my very special wedding book and write some thank you cards! <><

Psalm 32

2009-07-31T12:22:00.002-07:00

1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered (Praise You).

2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count (it's not a behavior chart, thank you Lord Jesus!) against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long (because of my stubborn tendancies).

4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah

5 Then I acknowledged my sin (comfort in control) to you and did not cover up my iniquity (control). I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "—and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found (You are waiting always!); surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.

7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble (why do I want to control my life when I know this to be true?) and surround me with songs of deliverance (this is all I need!). Selah

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you (Praise You, Lord Jesus).

9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you (please help me follow you without being like a mule!).

10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him (What can mortal man do to me?).

11 Rejoice (WOO HOO!!) in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Another list

2009-07-28T07:09:00.002-07:00

1. One day until our first premarital counseling session with PD. I am so excited to get started! I don't really know what to expect, but we filled out these really long informational sheets about our relationships with God, goals for our marriage, etc. I am just glad we're finally able to get started now that M is on a semi-normal schedule. :)

2. Six days until my first day of work in my second year of teaching! R told me that I was way less stressed this year going into a new school year. She was right! I am feeling much better, especially without graduate school hanging over my head. So far, our school system is NOT going to make us take the suggested furlough days, but I have a feeling that this will wind up happening later in the year. I don't know what needs to happen for the economy to better itself, but it is definitely in a bad place if teachers (i.e. government employees) are being affected.

3. Ten days until my first day with my students. :) I have 4ish (one is in general edu. all day, but I still write his IEP and complete his GAA) new students this year. Four of my old students are returning as 7th graders, and I have four new 6th graders. Nice. Since I have no 8th graders, GAA just lessened by 24 activities!! YEAH! Praise Jesus!

4. Eleven days until our "His and Hers" shower! I am excited. I love seeing my faraway BFF's. . .H's, L, S, . . .AWESOME!

5. Fifteen days until I am 24. That is creepy.

6. 31 days until M turns 26. Even creepier. ;)

7. 116 days until we get married. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

A new year begins. . .

2009-07-24T15:20:00.002-07:00

Well, I started going to VMS to set up my classroom this week. It wasn't as tortorous as expected! I feel like the summer has passed by SO quickly and I wasn't sure if I was ready to begin another stressful year.

However, I know that if the year never starts, then I don't get to get married, and I can't handle that one either! :) I am so excited for November! I know I'll get through the year. I just found out that my only 8th grader is changing schools, so I won't have to do 8th grade GAA activities!! That takes out 26 multiple-day (usually) activities that I will not have to do. The Lord answered my prayers and relieved that stress from me, so now I'm way more pumped about heading back. God can do anything, and He has definitely taken away so much stress from me for this upcoming year! PRAISE HIM! Two great people I know are also giving me a rowboat. . .and I am super excited!! Think of what a COOLIO reading center this will be!! So excited! It's also appropriate because we will begin the year by reading Treasure Island. :) Pirates and ahoy, matey!

B and I caught some great deals at Hobby Lobby on ribbon and flower petals for my girls. Woot! Only a few more purchases and we will be totally ready to go. Still waiting on the monogram. . ..

In other news, the new house rocks, B is moving in right next door, and aside from the freaky doorbell ringer of midnight, it's great being out in the country where you can ride your bike around!

I am expecting the Lord to see me through this year and do many great things in the lives of my students. I can't wait to watch them change all over again--that's the best part!! <><

1 Year Down

2009-05-23T05:26:00.002-07:00

Whew. It's been a long road. A long road full of potholes that I just felt like I couldn't get out of! Fortunately, God saw to it that I didn't stay and wallow in the mud pit--I finished the race....exhausted, but still finished.

The past month has been a true test of my faith. A multitude of new (often hurtful) challenges occurred one after the other. I kept waiting for a break in the storm, but the waves kept coming and knocking me further off course.

Do you want to know what kept me from sinking into a permanent pit of despair?

Psalm 94: 18, 19:

^"18 When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.

¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul."

In the end, it was only God that was able to console me. When others couldn't understand, God had to pick me up. And He did. I am so thankful. I know that the storm will come again and that I will once again flounder in a sea of lies, but I know that in the end, my God reigns. My God stands up for His children. My God is a Lion and a Lamb. And He's what I need to depend on.

Friends

2009-04-26T07:17:00.002-07:00

S. is here, YES! :)

Today is the engagement party event--it's going to be lots and lots of people, but I think I can do it.

I am excited to get to see everyone and have all but one of my bridesmaids in tow. :) It's hard to get 8 girls in one place at one time, especially with the busy lives we have.

My final Capstone paper is due TOMORROW. Wow, it's really almost over, for real. Graduation is two weeks from YESTERDAY. That day is going to be the best day ever.

I just wish I could've graduated in December--it's going to be excruciatingly HOT! Hehe.

Well, gotta get ready to head out for el church-o!

Frustration and Pain

2009-04-22T11:33:00.002-07:00

The week is not going great thus far--in fact, I have missed three days of work! It all started with the world's longest migraine, which then morphed into a 6-day (and counting) long bursitis and arthritis flare. I miss my students, I miss being able to sit up straight, and I miss being able to walk quickly up the stairs.

It's funny the things you can miss--never thought I'd miss being able to haul taters up my twisted, curly, scary staircase. I do.

I feel pretty frustrated with my body right now because there is so much going on. Between work, school, other obligations, and wedding planning, I feel overwhelmed.

I graduate on May 9th. I have never been so excited about anything in my whole life. If I can keep it together until then, I think I can make it through the rest of the year.

It's the end of the year and people are trying to pile on more and more to my plate. Transition meetings with the parents of my new group of 6th graders, transition plans for current students moving to the high school, and trying to find administrators to attend these meetings is making life quite a challenge.

Tomorrow is the opening (and closing!) of the play my girls are in. I have missed a whole week of practices and I feel terrible about it. . .but what can you do when your earthly tent throws in the towel on a still working brain and heart? Not a thing but stay at home, that's what.

Stay at home, resting on the faith that I have that God can heal me and bring relief. . .resting on the peace of knowing that I have friends praying for me during this challenging time. . .that is what will get me though this.

I am so proud of my students--they have changed SO much in a single year. They are older, wiser, and well prepared for a summer of learning at home (I hope!). I know of 2 more students who are moving into my room. . .that would certainly keep my numbers low!

My current challenge is finding a photographer for the wedding who is not going to charge us over our estimated budget. Thus far, no luck. We will see what happens.

Back to the resting of the joints--all this typing can't be a good thing! <><

Updates on a crazy woman's life!

2009-04-12T14:27:00.002-07:00

It's been so long!

Here's my list:

1. Just got engaged a little over 2 weeks ago; YEHAW! Really excited about it! I am getting married on Nov. 21, 2009! I AM PAST EXCITED!!!

2. 3.5 weeks until I graduate w/ my Master's! I am going crazy, but I am trusting God to get me through it! The actual date of graduation is May 9th!

3. 4.5 weeks until SMU gets married!

4. 6 weeks left with my students (May 22!)

5. 7 weeks TOTAL of work left to go until SUMMER BREAK! (May 28!! I got the last day off, mwahahahaa!)

6. 7 weeks until Austin gets married!

7. 8 weeks until I go and find my wedding dress!

8. 9 weeks until I go on an Assistive Technology Conference for my job to St. Simons!

9. 10 weeks until I take my girls on a shopping trip for flower girl dresses!

10. 12 weeks until I move into a house!

11. 17 weeks until my first week as a second-year teacher! :)

12. 222 days until I get married!

Encouragement, love God

2009-01-24T06:15:00.002-08:00

Sorry, it's been a quick minute since I've blogged. Lots of things going on, trying to help friends with weddings (racking my brain about flowers and such, :), hehe), taking care of kids, lots of sitting in front of a computer, finally reading Wicked (very weird book, I must say--not what I was expecting), etc.

At the beginning of this week, I felt so discouraged. No time to rest, no time to be alone, all of my times with God involved me crying out to Him for encouragement and strength from above. . .it was hard to get up and ride off to the schoolhouse knowing I'd be there for such a long time.

I know some other very special people were praying for me in addition to my crying out, and I thank those wonderful people for doing that. Your prayers brought some wonderful encouragement this week.

We had a great week in my classroom. Lots of drama, but definite reassurance that I will never be able to leave my kids. Even though it's hard to press on, it's emotionally and physically draining, I know that for some students, I may be a part of the "safe haven" that they need.

This week, I had one of the most emotionally draining weeks of the job yet. I had to report things to DFACS, worry about one of my sweet treasures, and pray to God that she would not be harmed by the evil around her. This usually ecstatic child started coming to school weepy and not on the ball, which was very unusual. The case is active, the Lord is working. I trust that when I cannot protect her, He will.

I think about one of my favorite songs, "Faithful," when I look back on the week that has passed me by.

"Faithful, You are faithful

I have found nothing but good in Your heart.

Loving, You are loving,

I am in love with the way that You are.

Thankful, I am thankful,

I had been running away on my own,

And then You found me,

Oh, how You loved me,

I know You'll never,

Leave me alone."

When I was discouraged this week, God really brought me encouragement. He spurred me on when I had grown weary of doing good. I wrote on my mirror "You are my JOY" to remind myself that when my joy feels sapped by work, it is not really gone. Not gone at all.

God gave me encouragement through co-workers, through my students, through friends praying for me, and for my special friend (hehe) bringing me coffee to help me get through the day (more than once).

I had a sub one day this week and it was all the encouragement I needed to hear her say how mch the kids had grown and matured over the past three months. Almost my entire class was able to label all the southeastern states AND the six parts of Georgia on the first try with no help. . .and to think that at the beginning of the year they could not name our state. I am so proud of them. They are learning so much and really growing up. I am praying daily to put my trust in God that He will provide for them when they leave my school and move on. Watching those kids do great things gave me back my joy.

My sweet treasure brought me the first apple I've ever actually received as a teacher on Friday. It was so cute. Those are the things that God brought me to show me that I can't give up, that I must press onward, that I have to stay under His wing and stay strong. God will care for the apple of His eye.

Lord, thank You for this wonderful thing that you've given me. Thank You.

James 1:22-27:

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Thankfulness: You Go, God!

2008-12-16T03:03:00.002-08:00

I am happy, thrilled, and very excited to see God work! My best friend got a flight out of the country yesterday evening! . . .and God bumped her up to a seat that reclines. Praise Him for knowing how to give over and above what we can ever imagine.

Off to write diamante poems about Christmas with my sweet treasures.

PRAISE YOU LORD!!

It WAS Friday. . .

2008-11-22T11:35:00.003-08:00

This week was nutty, but extremely enjoyable! :-) Here are a few humorous things I want to remember. . .you may not find them funny, but this is how I remember the things I love. :-)

1. One of my students has a thing about the days of the week. He CONSTANTLY talks about Friday now. It's only been going on about 3 weeks, but whew, it's a daily battle. Every time I hear my name, "Ms. _______. . .," I know what is coming. "Today is Friday. It's Friday. Today is Thursday and Friday. These are my days. Guess what? Today is Friday!" That's what's coming. Apparently, he and his sister and mom had a countdown for Halloween . . .and ever since then, it's all about Friday. The funny part is that other teachers and people play along. They correct him. . .but then he's saying the same thing again. It's hilarious because he really does know it's Friday. My wonderful, well-meaning co-workers correct him many times daily. . .but it's always Friday. And he loves to tell every person he sees that it is Friday. My newest try at helping him stop this (this repetition is from his disability, and I am trying to help him stop this abnormal behavior) was to tell him that he needed to keep the dream alive in his heart that it was Friday. Now I hear, "Ms. ________, I'm thinkin' in my head for you. . . .I'm keepin' it in my heart." LOL. Sometimes students fixate on certain things, and we have to try and stop this behavior before it gets out of control. For now, I am set up for hearing, "Ms. _________, I'm thinkin' in my head for you. I'm thinkin'. . ."

2. Alien hands. One of my other students LOVES the color green. If I give him a green marker to write with. . .he will have green hands a green face before you can even ask ______ what the word "pat" rhymes with.

3. Fluffy heads running. Enough said.

4. I burned the biscuits in the psycho lunchroom oven. Oops. :-P

5. Mr. Beaver.

6. The word "Scootch." This may not be a real word, but it means "move over a little bit." We were in the gym and my PE interns were teaching a lesson. I told another student to "scootch" so my student who uses a walker could participate in the activity. She almost fell over she was laughing so far. This is the same kid who picked up a phrase from one of my parapros: "Oh, my stars." Now she says that constantly while laughing. When asked what she was thankful for, she said: "Alan Jackson." LQTM. That girl loves her country music.

7. One of my girls sang me a song this week in front of the whole class. It was about how I was her teacher, she loved me, she ate pizza, and we had fun. She grabbed my hand and I was supposed to dance with her while being serenaded. It was hilarious and wonderful all at the same time.

8. Me, trying to say "the first Thanksgiving." I could not get that phrase out. My parapros and PE interns were in the floor laughing. I mix up words when I get too excited about things.

9. "I saw a moose in the woods."

Whew, that's all I got for the funny stuff. There was so much more, but it's all been forgotten by now. Now I'm off for Thanksgiving. The bad thing is that our WHOLE First Collection Period for GAA is due right after Thanksgiving, which should tell you what I'll be doing all week. I have faith that the Lord will help me get it done (or I'll be in big trouble!!), but I know I will get bored from the repetition. Fortunately, the Lord has placed coffee and pajamas on Earth, so I can totally make it!

Today I met with 3 great friends to have breakfast at Cracker Barrel to celebrate our Turkey Day week off. Shopped a little bit. I went to The Potter's House on the way home to pick up Beth Moore's study on David. It's 90 days worth o' David. I've studied David's life before, so I think it will be great to revisit again.

I also picked up an amplified Bible. I like comparing the different versions and I've been holding off on getting another one for a quick minute. However, I figured I go for it today! Excitement. Gotta love the Bible, books in general, and office supplies. :-)

The Lord is amazing. His grace is ever-present and good enough to cover even my biggest mistakes, mishaps, and boo-boos. He never ceases to bless me, even when I'm unsure of the exact things He wants me to do. I am very grateful for God's work in my life, in my heart, and in my head, changing my thoughts and actions.

Passion: "Grace Flows Down"

"Amazing love. . .now flowing down,

From hands and feet,

That were nailed to the tree,

His grace flows down and covers me."

Romans 5:19-21: "For just as by one man's disobedience (failing to hear, heedlessness, and carelessness) the many were constituted sinners, so by one Man's obedience the many will be constituted righteous (made acceptable to God, brought into right standing with Him). But then Law came in, [only] to expand and increase the trespass [making it more apparent and exciting opposition]. But where sin increased and abounded, grace (God's unmerited favor) has surpassed it and increased the more and superabounded, so that, [just] as sin has reigned in death, [so] grace (His unearned and undeserved favor) might reign also through righteousness (right standing with God) which issues in eternal life through Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) our Lord."

2nd Corinthians 12:9: "But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!"

Even when I follow the Lord, I still make mistakes, I make poor judgments, I don't work 100% for Him, I fail to be Jesus-like, and I do not represent Christ in the manner I desire to. I pray that You will continue to pitch Your tent over me. . .take me in Your arms. . .protect me under Your wing. . .make me the apple of Your eye. . .take me as I am.

Jennifer Knapp: Whole Again:

Daddy, daddy do you miss me.
The way I crawled upon your knee.
Those childish games of hide and seek
Seem a million miles away.

Am I lost in some illusion.
Or am I what you thought I'd be.
Now it seems I've found myself
And need to be forgiven.
Is there still room upon that knee?

If I give my Life, If I lay it down
Can you turn this Life around, around
Can I be made clean
By this offering of my soul.
Can I be made whole again?"

God can turn ANYONE around. He's done it for millions. He's waiting on more. As the Christmas season gets closer and I think about the first time I understood grace, Christ's role as ruler in my life, and cleanliness, I am reminded of how far I've come. How many times I've wondered if there's room at the Father's knee for me. If He listens. If He loves me.

I know that He does. Even in my doubts, selfishness, and flesh. . .the King is enthralled with my beauty. May I respect Him, go to Him when I need to confess my sin, and submit to His desires for my life (Psalm 45:11).

It is Well...

2008-11-08T05:48:00.004-08:00

This song is a great reminder of the peace and assurance we have in Christ. No matter what is going on in your life, if you have Christ, you have the promises of God. You will never be snatched from His hand. In the tempest, pray for peace.

"It Is Well With My Soul"

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blessed assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Colossians 4:2-6: "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Make the most of every opportunity. Let others in on your life so that they too will be able to experience the peace that we experience daily by having Christ active in our lives. I pray that God will open doors for His message in my life and in yours as well so that we too may proclaim the mystery that is Christ.

1 Corinthians 2: 10-16: "But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one. For “who has known the mind of the LORD that he may instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ."

We have the mind of Christ. Whew. While it is not our job to judge or to try and instruct the Lord in how He ought to do things, it is our job to be available to be used by the Lord. While we were still covered by our sins, the Word was foolishness to us. It is the same for others who do not know the Lord. God is foolishness to them because they are perishing. May we act as though we have been changed by Christ.

1 Corinthians 9:16-18: "For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for necessity is laid upon me; yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel! For if I do this willingly, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have been entrusted with a stewardship. What is my reward then? That when I preach the gospel, I may present the gospel of Christ without charge, that I may not abuse my authority in the gospel."

Necessity. Upon me. May I not disregard the commands of Christ. I also pray that I will do so lovingly, willingly, and in a steadfast manner. WOE TO ME if I disregard the calling of Christ in my life. I am hurting others if I am disobedient. In my inadequacy, Christ uses in me in the manner He sees fit. Let me not abuse my place in Christ's family. To be a member of a family is to respect, love, honor, care for, and defend each member no matter the "cost" or "consequence." May I not be selfish in my sharing, but may the Lord be able to use me through my weakness and inadequacy to share Him with others.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8: "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away."

Even with multiple gifts, you are nothing without love. I can do and do and give and give, but if I do not love these people, I AM that clanging symbol.
God, please give me great compassion for your people, both those in Your hand, and those not within Your hand.

It's November, and there's much to be thankful for!

2008-11-02T06:07:00.003-08:00

Wow, I cannot believe that the month o' turkey is here already! When I look back, it seems like school just started and it was just August yesterday. That is not the case. I've discovered that each year goes by faster and faster. The past 3 months have been a sprint. Let's see if I can make it to Thanksgiving. At least after this week the busy time for drama will be over. "Law and Order: Fairy Tale Unit" will be this Tuesday and Thursday. The teacher and I have created a back-up plan for my student, just in case the line doesn't quite come out. We will see what happens on Tuesday night. The line has not generalized over to the actual play. She knows the line in an isolated setting, but when we get in there with the other kids and costumes. . . .the need to laugh over another student dressed as a cow (who jumped over the moon) becomes to great to focus on anything else.

The girl's cow costume is actually extremely cute. The got a white sweatsuit and her mom sewed on black patches. She's even got tiny ears and a tail! :-)

My DynaVox conference was great, despite poor hotel service. It was great to meet other teachers in my position. The conference was based on implementing the device with the student. I will tell you that I have to spend a great deal of time helping him to communicate using the box instead of gestures and leading people to desired items. . .hopefully the ideas I got at the conference will help him become more independent. It's difficult to be the only adult who can assist him in using his AT device.

I am excited about Thanksgiving. It's just around the corner. I am praying to get all my GAA write-ups done during the week off. We shouldn't have any grad school work either, so I think I can get it done.

One of my parapros (and her 2 kids) and I are going to have Thanksgiving together. I am so excited. :-)

In other news, last day o' grad classes for the semester: December 8th!! I am anticipating the holiday season. . .a plan to go take pictures of some snow for my students has been formulating for awhile. The poor kids have never seen snow. That is deprivation. Snow is so beautiful.

Back to Thanksgiving. Sweet taters, mmmmhmmm!

Things I am immensely thankful for:

1. My students

2. My co-workers

3. Friends & church family

4. The Bible and it's wisdom

5. God's guidance, even when I don't understand it

6. Sleep

7. Cool weather

8. Watches

9. Contacts

10. Comfortable walking shoes

11. The color brown

12. Grass

13. Thai food

14. Biscuits

15. Humor

16. Random trips we take to conferences with the low incidence program (we usually laugh a ton)

17. Binder clips

18. Stick glue

19. Colored paper

20. The value of Hershey's enabling me to use chocolate to teach fractions

21. Hand sanitizer

22. Febreeze

23. Toilet plungers

24. Fingernails

25. Sidewalk chalk

26. My car

27. Coffee

28. Granola bars and the ease of carrying my lunch

29. Music

30. Genius music mixer

31. The ability to think

32. The ability to express my feelings verbally

33. The ability to move quickly without any help

34. The ability to answer simple questions

35. The ability to button my pants on my own

36. The ability to take a bath on my own

37. The ability to stand up for myself

38. The ability to say "no"

39. The ability to hug

40. The ability to appropriately express my emotions

41. The ability to show love

42. The ability to drive

43. The ability to comprehend what others are saying to me

44. The ability to read

45. The ability to write

46. The ability chew and enjoy the food I eat

47. Patience

48. Important Bible Scriptures

49. The ability to continue my education

50. The ability to pay the bills and give to the church

. . . .there are more, but I am out of time now! I love writing these down because there are so many things I think of each day that I am thankful for that others cannot do/cannot comprehend/do not have/etc. Thank you, Lord!

Autumn

2008-10-25T15:50:00.004-07:00

Well, let's just say that I am very appreciative of cooler weather.

1. My favorite clothing comes out of the closet: sweaters. Cozy. MMM.

2. Breezy coolness.

3. Riding with the windows down so that I can somewhat interact with God's glory in natural things.

4. Less sweat. This does NOT mean less deodorant, folks. :-P

5. The sheer beauty that is fall.

Yep, I am a lover of the cooler seasons. Not to say that I take the hot seasons for granted, but there is something about a crisp, fall day that makes me happy. If only I could travel north to see the trees. It is so beautiful--red, burnt orange, bright yellow. The sides of the mountains look like fall sprinkles have covered them, but it's really just crispy, crunchy leaves.

God is so prominent on the side of that mountain to me. Maybe to you, too.

Even though I long to see a fall like the ones of my past, I know that my present is right here. I see God each day, whether it's through the love of others, a blessing bestowed from the Lord, or just that awesome feeling of peace when you allow the Lord to be in control despite your desire to control everything yourself.

Thank You, God, for this new season and for Your daily guidance and discipline which I so often need.

Argh, matey

2008-10-20T14:57:00.004-07:00

I don't have much time, but I want to write down my funny moments so as to remember them at a later date. :-)

My pirates were pretty crazy in the play. . .but the teacher didn't kick us out or anything, so I am very happy! :-) One of my students is in "Law and Order: Fairy Tale Unit" in a couple of weeks with a one-liner. We will see what happens.

Event 1: My student is supposed to be exiting the stage and takes a pose while I am frantically waving her off from the other side. Then she looks at me and shrugs her shoulders in confusion. Hehe.

Event 2: In the midst of helping tiny boy number one pull one of my girls off stage, she got a major wedgie and screamed. . ."MY UNDERWEAR" really loudly.

Event 3: One of my girls came to life during her death scene to fix her hat.

Event 4: Lots of fist pounding with Starky.

Event 5: One of my students literally fell asleep standing up during the night performance. Wow. She was even more tired than I was after chasing them! :-P

So there were lots of moments of hilarity during the two productions. I'm just glad we made it out alive. Overall, it was a good experience for the girls.

Off to write up some GAA activities. We sent out invitations for a surprise b-day party for one of my students next Thursday! YAY!

PS--The Lord has kept His promises! I can see how His guidance is changing my life so much. Thank you for bringing me here, Lord. Thank You.

Unclogging toilets

2008-10-08T17:05:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I discovered a new talent. It's pretty amazing, I know. Lol.

Let's just say that even with powerful flushing toilets like ours, too much toilet paper is still a bad idea.

"Ms. _____, I need help!"

Situation got handled. These are the things that keep me laughing day after day.

It may seem a little weird to others, but I hope you all understand.

We went bowling again today and next week is Special Olympics. It is going to be great--I am super excited. My kids are actually very good at bowling, so we will be right down there, cheering people on.

For anyone who is interested, my girls are in a play next Thursday night at 7pm at the high school. . .Peter Pan and Wendy! I am very excited to see them all decked out as pirates and mermaids, even though next week is going to be very hectic.

Whoo, fall break is Monday~! I am totally going to get plenty done this weekend so I will not have to do anything next week. We've got drama rehearsals on Tues. and Wed., and then the play on Thursday.

The Lord is really being faithful and allowing me to make so many new friends. The relationships I have with people are truly growing and I see that my new friends and co-workers are people that I really enjoy hanging out with. I love hanging out with others who are passionate about kids and teaching, so it's fun to be able to relate with people who are so different from me (aside from those two things!).

I am SO thankful for this answered prayer. I know that God wants me at VMS, and I am thankful that He is letting me in on some of the reasons so far. I pray that people will continue to open up their hearts to me and I pray that the Lord will speak to them through me. Let the words that come out of this mouth be seasoned with salt and full of love and grace.

Off to lie down. . .it's a bit of rest before sleep time!

Prayer, Dependence, and Praise

2008-09-27T08:15:00.001-07:00

Oh Lord, I pray that I will praise you in this storm. I thank you for giving me the courage and strength to take a stand in the midst of the issue. May I continue to act in a manner that is fully pleasing to You. May my patience continue strong, and may I never give an inch to the enemy.

Please guide Your child and help me to take the path that is right and based upon biblical truths. May I not compromise You, my belief in You, my belief in truth, and my belief in love for all people.

I thank you and I praise You for making me see this trial in perspective. May I maintain composure and not become obsessive over the issue in general, but may my heart depend on You and Your perfect peace and power.

Thank you for giving my heart peace. Perfect peace.

Please help me to persevere against the enemy and against the flesh within. I do not want to give up. Without Your guidance and help, I will cave in. I pray that You will give me the strength I need to do what I must do based on what You and You alone lead me to do.

I thank You for this day, for Your Word, and for letting it be well with my soul. :-)

Projectile Vomit?

2008-09-24T15:35:00.003-07:00

My poor kids have been falling off like squished mosquitos this week. . .yikes.

We've had two massive vomit-covered days this week, and I am praying against this evil stomach virus. I am so thankful to have stayed well this far. I am praying that the Lord keeps me well. The kids don't deal well with the change of having a stranger in the room. :-/

Either way, we'll make it.

Today we went bowling. I have never seen kids get so excited about bowling. This is another reason why I am so thankful for my students. They do not take things for granted. It was like we were on a trip to Disneyland to eat breakfast with the whole crew of Disney characters! They had such a great time. Quotes of the day, "You are swingin' that ball!" "You go girl, be the Queen!" and "I'm smokin'!"

:-)

The week has flown by! We have a workshop Friday, and I hate to miss the kids, but I am trying to remind myself that I will get an extra hour and a half of sleep!

I am trying to plan an AWESOME field trip. . .I will tell you if it is approved! <><

Daniel & Esther. . .surviving this world

2008-09-21T10:55:00.003-07:00

So we're studying Esther in "big church" (wooooo, I love the OT!) and Daniel in our women's Bible study right now. I am very excited about this because both of these books are so encouraging for we who are called to be "in the world, but not of it." We are called to let out lights shine to men so that we may bring glory to our Father in heaven.

In the book of Daniel, Babylon is seen as a city that is focused a little on everything the world sees as "good and pleasing". . .everything except God. Living in a place like that can pull a believer further and further from God. . .putting focus on self and others.

I don't know about you, but at work, I have to fully lean on my Jesus to be able to stay focused on eternal things. It is exhausting, draining, demanding, and trying. The war against the world, Satan, and myself is going on daily, right here where I live.

Sometimes people only think about those who work overseas needing to worry about "staying strong" against battles. I think that each of us must rely on the Lord to stay strong in those daily battles. While Esther had a whole flock of Jewish people depending on her, I am certain that each person has at least one person depending on him or her. Even when Esther feared for her own death, she told the people to fast and pray. She struggled to keep her eyes on God during the tough times. While my battles are nothing in comparison with her, I still find myself somewhere in that story.

The battles against myself are usually very interesting. It's when I take my eyes off the Lord and say, "Man, I would love to stay home today" that things get crazy. It's at those times when I have to read my strength verses for the year or flip to my now well-worn pages of Philippians to find the verses of promises and encouragement that I need. GET UP AND MOVE IT, YOUNG LADY! While the Lord may not use those exact words, He does lovingly remind me that work isn't something I am doing for myself or of any power within. Quite honestly, as the days go by, I see how little I truly have to offer without that Holy Spirit (inside my carcass--lol). Middle school was not my choice. Special Education was not my choice. Both were pre-planned, and I trust that whoever/whatever I am there for, the Lord will work me into those places.

The battles against man also drive me to reading Philippians. . .as well as the Gospels. Christ fought MUCH GREATER battles than I fight. He was always successful and never fell into sin. People can be very discouraging. When I feel discouraged, sometimes I want to run away. It would be so much easier to not be in a certain place, to not talk to a certain person, to not call a certain parent, etc. It is definitely a tough battle, but I can't let myself run from those things. When I run, I am not solving the problem. I am inviting more.

In a world that tells me that I am unworthy if I do not meet the criteria for a certain list, my God tells me that even having that list is pointless. No matter what my plan is, things don't ever go down in that exact way. While I am not saying this to excuse myself from planning, I am saying this to say that I have learned that sometimes, the plan just needs to be thrown out the window. My best plans can be turned into tragedies (I've seen it happen) without God's assistance.

Since I'm now focusing on my life day by day, I pray that today the Lord would be active in my life. I pray that I will meditate on what He is teaching me, that I will be thankful for the promises He left for me in His Word, and that when I am afraid or intimidated, I will put my trust in Him.

Daniel 1:8-10:

"8 But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way. 9 Now God had caused the official to show favor and sympathy to Daniel, 10 but the official told Daniel, "I am afraid of my lord the king, who has assigned your ^[c] food and drink. Why should he see you looking worse than the other young men your age? The king would then have my head because of you."

I pray that when I am tested by the world, I will stand up as Daniel did in this passage and refuse to be defiled. May I rely on the Lord, not myself or others, to send me along the path I am meant to take. Because Daniel relied upon the Lord,

Daniel 1:20:

"20 In every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king questioned them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom."

God has the power to do this, and all He asks for is belief.

John 6:29:

"29Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

HI-larity

2008-09-13T05:20:00.002-07:00

Here are some funny things that have happened that I wanted to write down to commit to my memory. I want to remember the fun times!

1. My friend (who is 22) came to visit and do paper mache. . ."OOOOOHHHH, Ms. Rose, is that your daughter?" Yea. LQTM. These kids.

2. Anytime I ask the rhetorical question "And you know what?", one of my students says, "What?" It's just the way she says it.

3. When we talked about asteroids, one of my kids was in TV land. We try to encourage him to come out and play with the real people occasionally. "Will that come and blow up the Earth?" "No, but it made a good movie."

4. We're reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Before we started, we previewed the story. I showed them pictures from the movie and we watched the movie trailer. One of the pictures was of Aslan--the front of the DVD, for those who have it, I do believe. One of my students says (with big eyes), "That lion is lookin' at me." The next day, Friday, she told our ILT's during the picnic that the lion was looking at her. Then I had to explain the situation. It was so funny.

5. We had a picnic yesterday. We also had a dance party. Our principal came in and danced with us. One of my para's took some pictures of it, so yesterday afternoon, we printed off one of him doing the robot and taped it on the door to his office. :-) Hehe. "CAUGHT IN THE ACT!!"

6. "WHAT?!?!?!" You just have to come visit. You'll understand.

7. One of our ILT's came and gave out notebooks to my students. The girls all got Hannah Montana. One student jumped up and down for 5 minutes, literally about the notebook. We didn't get much done in science that day.

8. During a music break, one of my students fell to the ground and spun herself around, pretending to play the guitar. Wow.

9. "It's on my hands!!!" The boys freaked out when we did paper mache. . .but the girls were elbow deep in glue and water!

10. The first time I snorted. . .apparently, snorting is the funniest thing on the planet to middle school students. . .and paraprofessionals. One of my students almost fell out of her chair.

We have the best time in the room. I love my job even when things get crazy and discouraging. When that happens, I try to focus on the funny, wonderful things that have happened so far. :-) It's a blessing to be a teacher.

1 Peter 3:8-17

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,
   "Whoever would love life
      and see good days
   must keep his tongue from evil
      and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
      he must seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
      and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
   but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."

Lord, I pray that I will continue striving to do good and not evil. May my attitude and heart be under the full influence of the Holy Sprit; He Who guides me. May my heart not be troubled in times of trials. May I depend solely on You for my strength. Even in my discouragement, may You allow me to cleave to You in utter dependence.

Thank You for my students. When others discourage me, they are what I need to get motivated yet again. I praise You for the good days and the bad. . .because without bad days, the good days just wouldn't be SO good. :-)

Why am I so itchy?

2008-09-11T15:39:00.003-07:00

The title of my blog may be an over share, but somehow, I have been eaten alive by bugs. . .or I have a weird case of hives. I really don't know. All I know is that I want to claw my right leg off. Hmmmm. I think I need that leg.

I had a couple of rough days this week. Yesterday, I had to cry it out for a bit. Sometimes you just have to do that. Then I reminded myself of all of the hilarious and awesome things my kids do. :-) I just love them. None of the drama or issues actually come from my students. It's all of the other people. Too much drama.

However, today was a great day. The kids did well, some of the drama ceased.

Sweet anti-itch cream. Thank you, Melissa. Whew. Please work.

Anywho, tomorrow we're having our super fun picnic. . .and it's early dismissal! I can FINALLY go downtown and purchase my car tag! I am thankful for that! :-)

I have tons of meetings over the next few weeks. . .but I am very thankful that after a bad day, the Lord shows me how good everything is.

Someone told me that my classroom was the "Disneyland of Special Education." I wasn't really sure how to take that. But on the positive side, I do try to keep things as entertaining as possible. Sometimes that involves me pretending to be a manta ray. . .sometimes a beaver. . . sometimes I sing answers. If someone walks in, oh well. At least I can laugh at myself.

I thank the Lord each time I think of the people who encourage me and spur me on. Praise God for encouragement. :-)

Back to semi-attempting to do homework. That's another story altogether! <><

Whew

2008-09-06T04:58:00.003-07:00

Whew. What a week. Even in its shortened state, the week was still really crazy! I have told a few people that I think the 3-day weekends mess me up more than they help me out. . .because when 5:30 am on Tuesday arrives, I am never prepared. :-D

This past weekend I programmed an AT device all weekend, which was great. I can't wait to see how my student uses it. I'm thankful I could help the parents out in some way.

My camera bid adieu to me on Monday at the Hill's home, and then gave it's last show on Wednesday. Now she is in the great beyond. . .no longer living the high life in my purse. It's a sad story. The lens just got all messed up and crazy, so now I'm going to be getting a new camera. A Rebel. That will be a new, enjoyable photography experience, but I hate that my good ol' camera won't be with me any more. 2.5 years is a long and meaningful relationship.

Enough about the camera.

Wednesday was hilarious. We made our paper mache solar system. My girls were elbow-deep in paper mache, but the boys were like, "EW, MY HANDS, I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS!" for the entire project. Now that was sad. They are going to have to get over that little quirk though. . .we still have to make a volcano. And rockets. And enact an earthquake. And lots of other messy things. Baha. I can't wait!

Yesterday all of the new special education teachers had an all-day workshop--half at another school and half at the Central Office with our faithful leader.

The afternoon was more helpful because it actually applied to us and our adapted curriculum. The morning was more about co-teaching and teachers who do pull-out separate class rather than full-day self-contained.

I went to Wal-Mart afterwards and purchase our new rug and bookshelf. WOO HOO! Now I just need books to go on it. That will be a groovy day! So far, I really don't have any appropriate books in the classroom. I'm working on that.

I feel very blessed this week. Being a special education teacher is hard, but when I look at what others are going through, I am very thankful for the supportive people I have at my school. The ILT's at my school are my friends--they come to my classroom and talk to my students. They are really the most wonderful people. They've loaned me materials and got me grade-level textbooks. I can't thank them enough.

I am also very, very thankful that my students are going to Connections classes without too many people getting feisty.

I have to get ready for next week today and tomorrow. . .interim report cards go out. We will see how this goes. I just pray that I make it to the end of the year with everyone alive. . .including myself! At least I have a super-groovy group of kids!

I will leave you on this note. . .I went and visited my little cream puffs from last year during my lunch break yesterday. They are doing SO GREAT! I mean, kids were talking, they were identifying items, etc. I am so proud. I love them. I miss those schmall little puffers!

Here is what my heart tells the Lord in exhaustion:

Psalm 42 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 42

BOOK II : Psalms 42-72

For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. ^[a]

"^[b] As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

3 My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"

4 These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and 6 my God.
       My ^[c] soul is downcast within me;
       therefore I will remember you
       from the land of the Jordan,
       the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

7 Deep calls to deep
       in the roar of your waterfalls;
       all your waves and breakers
       have swept over me.

8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

9 I say to God my Rock,
       "Why have you forgotten me?
       Why must I go about mourning,
       oppressed by the enemy?"

10 My bones suffer mortal agony
       as my foes taunt me,
       saying to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"

11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God."

And here is how God makes me react when I see His hand in my daily life. . .when I see how much He helps me. . .when I recognize His grace, kindness, guidance, and caring Spirit:

Psalm 100 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 100

A psalm. For giving thanks.

1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.

3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his ^[a] ;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.

5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations."

Thank You, Lord, for getting me through another week!

Miracles and Thanksgiving

2008-08-30T07:10:00.004-07:00

Hola and hurray for time to get things together this weekend! :-)

I hear that the WildCats won last night, GO CATS!

It's been a long and challenging week, but the Lord has seen me through it. Whew. Wipe sweat off forehead now.

Last Sunday I had to return my old car ("Blueberry" or "Ghetto") to my dad. I was very upset because we had our open house at church and I would not be able to attend, but it was one of those "feisty" moments for him, so I did not see any way around it. I did not want to have to hear cursing directed at me or anything of the sort, so I went ahead and drove to southern Atlanta. The whole time I had some great prayer time with the Lord, and I also had to pray to be delivered. As many of you know, I got a new car because this particular car was literally falling apart around me. I prayed constantly for the gas to be like the oil in the temple. . .it seemed like there was some sort of leak. About 40 miles out, we (Leigh Ann and I) had to stop so I could get gas. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. When we got to the meeting place, I pulled into the parking lot and started moving things to Leigh Ann's car. My dad came over and looked at the front left part of the car. At some point in the final 40 miles, my tire blew. Interstate driving is fast. Logically, my car should have suffered some great explosion and spun me around on the road to crash.

God said no. I cried.

As I said earlier, I had prayed for safety in relation to the gas and the shaking of the car. . .I did not even think to pray for the tires. God protects us even when we do not know that we are in danger. Wow.

I thank Him for that great blessing and so many others. He is awesome.

This week was good as well, I have to say. My students did very well with the substitute teacher we had on Tuesday while I was at a workshop, and for that, I am very thankful. Sometimes, for my students, a change in routine can become very, very stressful for them. Fortunately, this did not happen. No one had a seizure, no one got "feisty," and everyone made it home safe and sound.

I had my very first IEP meeting on Thursday and I am almost completely done with my students IEP. Wow. All week I just prayed and prayed that it would go well, that the parents would agree with our suggestions for the child, and that everything would be done ethically and legally.

At 6:02pm on Thursday, the meeting was over (2.5 hours, yes, it was lengthy), and the Lord had answered those prayers. Being a first-year teacher, you really want that first meeting to go well. It was very encouraging. I need that encouragement because my position is very isolated. If you work in a self-contained special education classroom, there is not much interaction with others. There are not many opportunities to be encouraged or encourage others outside of your classroom. While in some ways this is good--I am really getting involved with my kids and parapros--this can also be a huge challenge because I often do not receive much encouragement.

Upon praying about this situation, the Lord has been very gracious to me. When expressing my feelings to Him, He encourages me. In addition, there are usually a few times a week when He gives me something/someone to encourage me and spur me on to doing the work He has laid out for me before time began. These encouragements may come from a co-worker, a student, a principal, or a parent. God knows what I need to keep going.

Phil. 1:20-26:

"20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me."

As usual, Paul hits my sentiments right on. It would be FAR EASIER to not do this thing I have been called to do. It would be FAR EASIER to give up on some days. It would be FAR EASIER to not try and put together meaningful lessons for my students. And boy, what an amazing feeling it would be to BE WITH CHRIST. To feel that peace, that joy, that love, that compassion. FAR EASIER.

But just as it was for Paul, it is NECESSARY to press on. It is NECESSARY to continue these works God has prepared in advance for me to do.

In addition, it gives me joy to press on. Joy to continue. And joy to know that Christ is who gives me my strength. Because of this job, I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE but to run to God. He understands every situation I am in. Christ experienced all things. He knows that sometimes, I may not have joy. I may just be walking in obedience with Him. However, He spurs me on and gives me joy each morning. I am thankful that there is grace. . .so thankful.

Heb. 4:14-16:

"14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,^[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

When I feel weak at work, I know that I can run to Christ. I know that I can talk to Him because He has experienced the very same feelings I have. Christ has cried with compassion, Christ has been hurt and scorned by others, Christ has experienced these things and FAR WORSE. WITHOUT SIN. WITHOUT DOUBTS. WITHOUT HUMAN WEAKNESS. WITHOUT COMPLANING. WITHOUT QUESTIONING. WITHOUT DOUBTING GOD'S CALLING AND GUIDANCE.

I have human weakness. I cannot always continue on like Christ. And I certainly cannot do anything without Christ. Each day is a battle. A battle against Satan, a battle against sin, a battle against myself, a battle against sin, a battle against control, a battle against worry, a battle against giving up, a battle against the unknown, a battle against the known. And more.

BUT LORD MAY I APPROACH THE THRONE OF GRACE. . . .MAY YOU CONTINUE TO BE WITHIN ME, GIVING ME POWER, SHOWING ME GRACE, IN MY TIME OF NEED. I know that this is how God works because I see it. May God continuously dwell in me and lead me on.

I really feel God's peace at work, for the most part. There are always times of stress (daily, oh yes), but my prayer for my year is to NOT stress out to the extreme about things that I cannot control. I do my job with whatever strength the Lord gives to me each day, and I try to listen more to God than to myself and my own intentions. If that means that I go down the hall and talk to another teacher for 2-hours, so be it. If that means I work on things for the classroom for 2-hours, so be it. I want badly to have the intentions of the Lord. They definitely do not always match, but I pray that my wishes will continue growing closer and closer to God's wishes each day.

Col. 3:15:

"15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."

I pray that I will not take my God for granted.

Flexibility. That's a word that we use all the time, especially in special education. Sometimes, my daily lesson plans are pushed to the side. My flesh says--argh, stick to the schedule! But God places in my heart: DEAL WITH WHAT HAS JUST AROSE! I WILL HELP YOU! I WILL KEEP YOU CALM! If you know me, you know that this is a huge challenge for me. I like schedules, I like order, and being flexible will always be a challenge for me.

I have seen the Lord at work in my life because I see that I am continually changing. Since becoming a Christian, wow, have I changed. Age 15 seems so long ago. . .and I thank the Lord that over the years, I have grown into a different person. My sanctification is a continuous process, one that I love to be able to see because I want to change. I want to be more like Christ.

I have daily schedules because I know that to do my job with excellence, I must prepare my heart and mind daily to serve my students to the fullest. However, I am more capable of changing these schedules at the "drop of a hat." This Thursday, I had to go over my classroom rules for AN HOUR. That is so much instructional time it's crazy to comprehend. However, God helped me understand that without doing this, we would lose ever more instructional time dealing with later behaviors.

Ps. 46:1:

"1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble."

How true is this? God is the only way.

He is an ever-present help, even when I don't know what to ask for, who to ask for help, or what to do to best serve others.

I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me and that I will follow willingly without complaint. Lord, I love your love.

New experiences. . .daily

2008-08-21T16:27:00.003-07:00

Hola!

So tomorrow our school system ceases because of Tropical Storm Fay. That is so weird to me. I remember the snow days of my childhood. . .now we have "rain days" or "hurricane days."

I had an all-day workshop, so I wasn't going to get to see my kids anyway. Tomorrow is a work day for me--I brought home tons o' things to keep me busy.

My kids are the funniest things on the planet.

Apparently, they think I am funny. One died in a fit of laughter this afternoon because I told her that some of the boys in gym were running "at a slow walk." Wow. She almost fell off her walker.

We also do the funky chicken in class. Especially on Fun Friday. One of my students does the "samba" and she throws herself back so I can catch her. It's HI-larious.

Today we had our first seizure of the year. I was thankful to have two others in the room to help because my kids are as big or bigger than me this year. He was really stiff--it was a rough one. We made it through.

I am appreciative of involved parents.

All of my kids made A's on the first spelling test--we had it yesterday. :-) It was great to tell them they ALL made A's. My grading scale is based on a curve that I have invented. I will never give lower than a B on anything. Most things depend on effort and participation. I love helping kids succeed.

Next week I get to have my first ever IEP meeting. It will be exciting. :-)

I love my job. Even in the crazy times. I love that I have new friends to encourage. I pray that I will live each day as if it were my last day. You never know when it will be!