Saturday, yeasty, JOY

It only takes a couple of teaspoons of yeast to make a whole loaf of bread rise. . .I think that this is an excellent metaphor to explain our Christian life. . .maybe better for me since I use too much salt?? :) In God's Word, we are commanded to be both salt and light to the world. A small amount of salt goes a LONGGGGGG way. . .and from my baker-lady standpoint, a teaspoon of yeast goes a LONGGGGGGGGGG way!

I love watching bread rise.

Another point to ponder. . .does the bread rise in ONE MINUTE, or does it take some time? Just as the seeds we plant, God's Word isn't AUTOMATICALLY going to spring up into someone's heart. It often takes time for God's Word to start an "UPRISING."

In other words, we have to be PATIENT once we've planted seeds. We must care for the seeds. We must give them time to grow up, grow in strength, and set down roots.

We don't just leave the "yeast bread" though. The bread must be provided with HEAT to rise. In order for overall delicious bread growth, we need both YEAST and WARMTH.

In my long and drawn out metaphor, the WARMTH required is the WARMTH of an already-sanctified Christian heart. People need love; I don't care who you are. Deep down, everyone desires love, acceptance, huggy-snuggli-ness, and that, my friends, is where we, who are already JESUS FOLLOWERS, must come in.

Don't leave your YEAST out in the cold, invite them into the incubator of a nice, warm oven. . .or perhaps a bread maker!

* * * * * * * * *

It's Saturday, a hallowed day of baking, hence I think up these metaphors. Today is chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, Portuguese sweet bread, and cheesecake pumpkin bars. Delish.

We just got a "Halloween package" from my hubble's parents. . .and yes, I now have a PARROT to go on my shoulder to go along with my eye patch. This is going to come in handy whilst reading TREASURE ISLAND and teaching my kids about pirates. How ironic and perfectly set up.

We are ONE MORE BILL away from being debt free. . .thank you, Lord. God has been blessing us immensely, and now we are finally able to start taking care of people again and being able to serve others by meeting their needs.

That is so exciting. I can't believe how quickly the Lord has brought this time around. What a huge blessing to have been taken through such great times of GROWTH out here. :)

Quad-Vision?

All these jokes about having super robot x-ray vision may have been unfortunate. :/ I am now (as of the past few days) seeing in quads. . .or perhaps just like a kalidescope (sp?)? I used to have two very specific pictures when I opened both of my eyes. . .and now it is more like a mesh of several pictures. . .some are far away, some are blurry and light, some seem clear. It is like being a bug. . .or a spider. But which item is real? If I reach out, what will I be grabbing. . .air, or an arm? Not sure, but all this to say. . .mine eyes hath experienced changeth again. That's the best of my "Olde English."

Tomorrow I'm going back to my neuro-opth. for my first check-up since becoming a pirate. It's been almost a month--it will be a month this Wednesday--since I started patching it up. While my vertigo is better, my eyes are actually getting somewhat worse.

Many questions to ask tomorrow:
1. Is there a surgery I can have to correct this problem?
2. Am I lowering my chances of healing by working?
3. Do I need to go on disability to potentially regain my vision?
4. Do I truly have another (even more rare and serious) underlying neurological disease since I am not currently fitting only the typical issues associated with OCS. . .I am exhibiting more?
5. Will I be making people walk the plank forever? If so, where can I get a schnazzier eye patch?
6. Is this a genetic issue that could potentially transfer to my future posterity?

. . .and many others that I can't think of off the top of my head. That's why it's good to make a list.

In other news, the hubby and I are about to celebrate our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! That's right! I can't believe it's already been a year--it seems like just yesterday, but when I really examine the times we've spent, I see that it can't be just yesterday! Look at all we've done since then: holidays, workings, getting our friends married, packing one home, moving across the country, starting new jobs, setting up a new house, housing an old friend from Taiwan, starting a new church, losing my "single vision," etc. It's been a year of change. . .a great year, to be honest. Even amidst the current battles and challenges, I have loved it. I love learning, I love being married, and I love growing closer to God via all the world/God throws at me.

Last night I went to a fall festival to visit with my old co-workers, then today I was able to spend time with a new friend. What a great blessing to be healed enough to get out and do something. :) Up next weekend. . .time with the hubby and pumpkin carving fun! I've also gotten really happy with my pumpkin cooking. . .up this weekend, we have pumpkin cheesecake bars. Can't wait to see how those turn out!

Love and Lists

Since my last pure miracle, I've been experiencing those day to day miracles--God getting me through a day at work even with a really bad headache, God taking the headache away at 4am so I could still go to work, God protecting my classroom when a student who had been gone awhile returned, in providing R. to help in my classroom, in providing K. to be a very wonderful co-worker who teaches SPED and can bring me home, giving me strength despite exhaustion, allowing us to spend time getting to know new friends, giving us the funds to keep paying off the other "small" physician bills (we're at about 4500 grand I think), giving us people to LOVE.

I love love. I know that's putting two words that are twins beside each other, but that's the easiest way to say that I LOVE receiving AGAPE from God. All of the things listed above and everything else NOT on my list is all made possible by God. This reminds me of a PBS commercial all of a sudden. They used to show "Anne of Green Gables" all the time, stating that "this broadcast was made possible by viewers like YOU!" I remember that. But the truth is, AGAPE isn't made possible by two-leggers like me. AGAPE is made possible by GOD. "Anything is possible, with God all things are possible. . . don't give up 'cause He never gives in!" Another one of the millions of song lyrics in my poor head. If only someone would come up with a "Bible rap." I am sure I could seize more of God's Word to store in my heart. Seriously, that's how I memorized a few verses in my day. . .but back to AGAPE.

AGAPE is loving in the day to day. AGAPE is loving me when I am dirty, mean, feisty, lazy, and having a poor attitude. These things happen often, to be quite frank, and I often think. . .man, how can I keep friends? Fortunately, the AGAPE from God REFLECTS. When people see a Jesus-follower, some of that AGAPE love reflects to that person. No matter how you share love with others, a small picture of that AGAPE is included.

When God looks at us, He sees Jesus. When other people look at us, they see at least some attributes of Jesus. A favorite expression of mine says, "You may be the only Jesus someone sees." How convicting is that upon my soul? My evil thoughts, my wicked deeds? And people see me, knowing that I proclaim the name of Christ, and they lump me in a category with Jesus? YIKES. If that doesn't spur a person on to striving for obedience, I don't know what will.

Like I said, people see a little bit of AGAPE from you if you are a Jesus-follower. Let me ask God for the WISDOM I need to become more like His perfect Son. And let me continue in the understanding that I CANNT ACHIEVE PERFECTION, nor will I ever be a super-duper-awesome example of Christ all the time. . .that is where GRACE comes to join AGAPE and they run off into the sunset together.

Gotta love love.

Paid in FULL

Paid in full.

What does this mean?

Anyone living in this crazy time understands the greatness of being "debt-free" or finally being "in the green." It is something to be thankful for if it comes, but something also that typically we feel like we are going to have to work REALLLLLLLLLLY hard to get. I'm talking 9-5, weekends, after hours, two jobs, starving children. . .that's the kind of "hard" I am talking about.

You know what?

Sometimes, you don't have to work hard. Sometimes you don't have to do anything, not in a worldly sense.

I grew up poor. I'm talking soup kitchen, trailer park, one outfit poor. So in comparison with that past, anything is going to go "up" from that. I understand that working hard is a good quality. Yes, I know, slothfulness is a sin; thus, we should try to avoid this by seeking God and working as if we work for the Lord, not for man.

All this to say, now in my 20's, I have just recently had a "backslide" experience. After all my medical issues (while having NO insurance), my husband and I were left with a $35,000 debt to the hospital, not to mention all of the little side bills they love to send weeks after (probably several thousand more). This would put us back in that "poor/indebted/unsure" category that can be confusing and frustrating. Also, we just weren't sure where the money would come from if the hospital wanted loads of money each month. I like to eat. Food is good.

We filled out the financial aid packet, we prayed, and we told God that we knew He could pay off this debt for us. We also told God that we knew this was His decision. Perhaps His desire was for us to pay this off while leaning on Him. Perhaps He'd show up with His "magical checkbook" and whip out His pen made of angel wings. We did not know how He would answer our prayers, but we trusted in His judgement and in His ability to judge what would be the best for us as a family.

Last night, we shared our troubles with small group. We've shared with others, but not in a group setting or with a group from our new church, so we were thankful for their love, support, and prayers.

After all the weeks prior of praying at home and praising God for either path He might choose to give, it was nice to join with others (in person) for prayer.

The hospital has sent us so many envelopes with bills, I was starting to get paper cuts and lose sensation in my fingers, so when I saw ANOTHER envelope I was reluctant to open it.

Open.

Slowly read (I still can't see).

100%.

Paid in full.

Account taken to $0.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!!?!?!?

God considered and heard our prayers. He acted upon them (this time, in a desired way), and we now have nothing left but the random (much smaller) bills from the different doctor's offices and labs.

PAID IN FULL.

GOD PAID MY DEBT IN FULL.

GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER AND PAID MY DEBT IN FULL.

$0.

I cried so much after reading this letter. It was a slight remembrance of God coming into my life. A tangible experience that others can understand who may not yet know this great God.

Did I have to work for this? No. All we did was fill out the form and pray. Did I work fifty hard years to pay off this debt and interest? No. Did I become another man's slave? No. Did I change anything about myself to try and look more appealing? No.

Salvation.

Paid in full.

My debt brought to nothing; my slate wiped clean; a new creation.

When God calls and you answer, your debt too can be paid in full. While I am thankful to have no hospital debt, I am MORE thankful to know that while I was sick in the hospital, I knew what would happen if anything were to happen to me. My slate had already been wiped clean. I knew that if my Lord called to me again (this time a call to go home), I'd be able to. My slate would be a carbon copy of the life of Christ. When God looks at me, HE sees Christ.

Did I work for this? No. Did I work my way to be funky enough to get God's attention? No. Did I make myself trendy and hide my sin so that I might appear clean to God? No.

We are not required to clean ourselves up before answering God's call. We must be ready at a moment's notice. He doesn't want a "fancier version" of you--He wants YOU. For free. Paid in full; balance $0.

Now that is "in the green."

Green is a symbol for life & tranquility. I often use it in my classroom because it is supposed to be soothing. I pray that I would ALWAYS remember to thank God for bringing my life "into the green" where I could enjoy Him and live forever.

Let God make you green.

Wow, what an amazing week!

As far as an update since Monday, here I go:

I received a call on Tuesday giving me an appointment for Wednesday at Harborview on Wednesday morning with a neurologist. After lots of talking, her viewing all my records from the hospital, and an examination of my eyes, the doctor stated that I most certainly did NOT have a stroke at any point. She also told me that she did not feel that I had a "brain problem"--this was most likely an eye nerve/muscle issue. She wanted for me to see a neuro-opthamologist (spelling? whew) to check on this problem.

After picking up some financial aid packets and such, we went over to the eye clinic where the "N-O's" (easier for me to type) work. My new friend who was with me at the doctor was willing to give up her appointment for me that was the next week because we were told there were no openings that day.

God put us in the right place at the right time, because one of the "work-up tech's" in the eye clinic came out, saw me teetering, and was like "follow my finger!" I stand out like a sore thumb with the vertigo, but in this case, the attention was good because she got one of the other "N-O's" so get me in THAT DAY!!!!!!

God was so good and orchestrated everything perfectly for this to happen. After lots of staring, following fingers, taking color tests, and having EXTREMELY bright lights shined in my eyes for hours, the doctor returned and finally gave me a diagnosis. Three weeks later, I can now tell people what I have instead of listing symptoms and confusing everyone. I have what is called "ocular convergence spasms" in my eyes, which means that my eye muscles are unable to relax. Since they can't relax and really honestly can't move from side to side, I am unable to focus with both eyes on one object. From what I understand, this will be a recurring disease, so once my vision returns this time (praying for next week when I remove the patch!!), it may do the same thing again. We shall see; one day at a time.

Overall, this was great news. In one day, I was assured that I had not had a stroke, a brain tumor, or a "brain problem"--so many blessings to hear! This was a great diagnosis, especially since the prior doctor has mentioned multiple sclerosis, which is such a debilitating disease. I was also REALLY happy to hear that I had not had a stroke.

For now, I am wearing this eye patch over one eye for a week straight, only opening it for the eye drops I have been prescribed. The eye drops are supposed to help to relax the muscles. After one week, I am praying that when my pirate patch comes off I will be able to see again. It is exciting to think about because I have been seeing double fore three weeks now, and next week it will be nearly one month. I will NEVER take my sight for granted again. . .EVER. It is so wonderful to be able to look at things and see the great beauty that God has created. Mountains, children, green grass, everything. Until next week, I am looking forward to seeing those things again with both my eyes opened. :)

So that is my basic overview. One random thing that happened was that my eye stayed dialated until YESTERDAY so when I tried to take my kids to lunch I would up being the one who had to be led by a co-worker! I freaked people out all day long with my HUGE pupil--it was so crazy! Inside light was fine, but the sun was a killer. I am also VERY thankful to look in the mirror today and see a normally constricted pupil. God is good.

A couple of AWESOME things happened this week while I was at work that I REALLY want to share.

On Tuesday, I wound up with extreme attendance issues. While I was talking to the attendance officer at school, the truancy officer was listening to me as I talked and explained why I was so confused--all my absences!! I had to go and speak with the truancy officer after that because two of my students had missed days and in WA, even SWD are included in the whole truancy court issue. I disagree with this, but that is another story for another time. I go in to talk with her and she says, "I overheard you talking about being sick. Are you okay?" So I gave her a basic overview of the issues and she said "Well I believe in the power of healing, so don't claim it." After that, I said, "Well, I believe in the power of Jesus, so I know that this is His will that will be done." She freaked out and was like "Are you a Christian?" So I told her that I was and asked if she was. She was so excited to meet another Christian at the school, and of course, so was I. She prayed over me and we had a great conversation. Before I left, she prayed over me. Once again, this was totally all constructed by the Lord. He placed us there and gave me that attendance situation so that I could be encouraged by another believer. What a great God we have!!

On Thursday, I had more attendance issues (WOW, REALLY>??) so I had to call the techline for help. Somehow, the lady asked me something that went to the eyes. It was a similar situation to what the truancy officer and I had. She said something, I said God, and we discovered that we were both Christians and she encouraged me and spurred me on. . . .and helped me log online to the crazy attendance website!! :) WHAT AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE!

So those were both totally God-sent examples of how the Lord will encourage you when you need it and He will never leave you. When I could so easily be discouraged, God has lifted me up. Thank the Lord for this awesome week and the blessed opportunity to talk about Him so much! Let Him be praised and given the glory He deserves!!

Another huge blessing was being given a ride home by a co-worker yesterday. She went WELL out of her way to bring me home after work when she knew I wouldn't have any other way except to take the bus. How awesome!

Now it is Saturday. My boo has to work, which makes me sad, but I will certainly have the opportunity to rest while I am at home.

Reading in Job has helped to give me perspective--this is so minor and NOT eternal. Doesn't even matter--yes, I can say it does stink and I certainly wouldn't choose this for myself--but I know that there are so many reasons why God allowed this to come to me! Even the examples of this week--so many doors have been opened to talk about Him and share His truth with others. Now THAT is eternal.

I thank you all for your prayers and I am so grateful for you!