Christmas Break

These days, it seems like I only have time for writing when I have a holiday...the last time I wrote was during my Thanksgiving break from work!

Here I am, finally enjoying my Christmas break. It's already the 2nd weekday of the 2-week experience, and I am already dreading January 3rd.

It seems that time up until the break DRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS like a parent up at 3am on Christmas morning....but once the break arrives, time passes by as fast as you can say, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, but I do hate the stress that it causes. Working 12+ hours a day, 5 days a week, gets to be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining after months on end. While I understand and appreciate perseverance as a good character trait, I also appreciate the idea of rest. However, it seems that others need me when I want to be resting. Even in my "absence" of leaving campus, I get calls from the principal. In the two days I took off after a full year, I had emails galore and a few disasters to fix. Bummer.

REST.

This is a foreign word to me. Even when I am exhausted and already extremely busy, it is very difficult for me to say "no" when someone needs my help or asks me to do something. I know my natural instincts: HELP EVERYONE, FORGET YOUR NEEDS.

But somewhere in there, I miss the fine line between "just the right amount of help" and "over-concern."

I just can't say no.

I love helping people. Ever since I was a young child, I have had interest in "helping" professions. Never did I once choose a profession to "be my own" that didn't involve some sort of crazy, super-human exertion: doctor, lawyer, SPED teacher...Peace Corps, missionary.

Here I am many years later....over-worked, tired, burned out.

And I've only been at this for 4.5 years!!

Supposedly, things get better with age....I am praying that over time, this temporary career becomes less burdensome. I love to help and support my students, but I know that I need to take care of myself, too.

In the meantime, I am finally celebrating the season: gingerbread houses, Christmas trees, an upcoming Christmas Eve service...all things that I look forward to about Christmas.

I can be very thankful to have made it to this Christmas and be blessed with being able to see without things appearing to be in "doubles...." very thankful indeed. I can also be very thankful that I have managed to survive my job to this point despite lots of drama and some very tough, challenging students.

But the thing I can be most thankful for is this: that where my strength gives out, God's strength does not. When my patience gives out, God's patience does not. When my will to keep going gives out, God's does not.

....and when all my enemies are stacked against me, God is there. I know He is. He is the reason I've made it thus far and the reason that I will keep going and do so (to the best of my ability) with integrity.

I am VERY VERY thankful for God.