I once was lost. . .and now I don't see?

Ironic, I know. But sometimes patterns change.

Sept. 11, 2010. Pink eye. Blurry. . .must take WEST-Basic test for my new teaching license. Darn pink eye. Oh wait, it really is double vision.

Five hours later, tired eyes, tired body. . .I exit the test facility. Think I did fine, despite only using one eye at a time while my vision worsened.

Six hours later, ER. CAT scan. Pain. Needles. Ouch.

Sept. 12, 2am. Home. No improvement.

Sept. 13. Neurologist won't see me. Turns us away to the ER.

Sept 13-17. ER. Spinal tap. 2 MRI's. EKG. EEG. So much blood work I look like a "user." This is not the case. Maybe it's an infection. It'll go away in a couple of weeks. If not, maybe it's multiple sclerosis. Maybe it's something totally different. I'm really not sure. I can't do anything more for you here.

Sept. 17, 4pm. Home with a 1,000 ton brick of steroids holding my body in a vertical position. Not cool.


Tried to condense that as much as I could. I am still unable to see, I can't type so well. But I want to get the thoughts out.

So now I am home. My eyes are moving a slight bit more, my strength is being renewed by the Lord alone. All this to tell you the following:

1. God has a purpose; He has a lesson to teach. Maybe several. When I get down over the trials and the valleys, I remind myself that GOD HAS A PURPOSE. His thoughts are not my thoughts, His ways are not my ways. His ways are better. His thoughts more pure.

2. God is using this experience to refine me and to mold me and my faith in Him. I have to trust in Him completely--in His timing,, in His will. I cannot doubt that He has the ability to cure me. He could do that in a split second, and perhaps He will. But I wait now for His timing. And while I wait, I keep the faith. I run in a way to receive the prize, I persevere.

3. "Because it's down in this valley. . .I'm surrounded by You." This is a lyric from a really great song that has always lifted me up. When we are on the peaks, it's much easier to forget the Lord. But when I"m in the valley and there is no place else to look but up. . .that is when I am the closest to God. There is a need for the valleys. . .lest we forget the need for God.

4. In the valley, the view that is most clear is the view up. Ironically, I can see the BEST right now when I am looking up. When my eyes are off the sky, there is confusion. I cannot see clearly; I do not know exactly what is going on. I am unable to aim appropriately and often miss the food hole. ;) But when I look up. . .the view is most clear.

5. Seeing is not believing. When I was in the hospital, the verse that brought me comfort (especially when a needle was in the room) was the following from 2 Cor. 4: "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." Thus, the things that I could see each day with my eyes do not matter. Those things will burn. When I pass from this world, none of those things will be seen again. What matters are the things that I cannot see. . .the eternal things. Salvation, the Lord, Jesus. So the fact that my sight has been taken DOES NOT MATTER. In fact, it simplifies faith. I cannot see, so God has taken my ability to focus on the things of this world that I can see. I do not deserve sight; none of my most righteous deeds give me the "RIGHT" to anything. My most righteous deeds lead to death. What saves me? My ability to SEE THE UNSEEN; to FOCUS ON THE UNSEEN; to be MORE CONCERNED WITH the unseen. . . .these are all the greatest gifts of God.


So yes. Once, back before Dec. of 2000, I was LOST. And NOW I AM FOUND. Now I have been effectively made blind to the things of the world. . .but this allows to see only what is important.

God is good.

My God heals.

My God heals in His own time.

And sometimes all you can pray is "God help me." Sometimes the pain is too much. Sometimes there is no breath to get anything else out. But God knows your thoughts and prayers before you do.

Faith is not vision. Faith is belief and trust where there is no vision.