Drama....something that should be left to high school, soap operas, and people who like it....but mainly, dependence

So my week was pretty filled with drama at work. Nothing I will talk about here because that would not be appropriate or professional, but it has been quite stressful. Something about teaching special education automatically leads to a multitude of issues that require teachers to climb the "ladder of command"....if only you're smart enough to figure out the right ladder of command!

I work for a huge school system--I used to call the special education director directly in GA....now I must twist my way through a spiral of others via email, search and rescue, and practically stalking! That's what really makes all the issues rough....not having a specific person to ask help from; missing that self-contained friend I have had in the past. At my school now, I am the only self-contained teacher. No one is "just like me." No one has exploding toilets, perseverating, and self-stim. Just me.

And I think that's the point

God has placed me in this new, challenging, frustrating time in my life to push me to conquer my inner sin, as well as the challenges that meet me outside of my own sinful flesh.

God wants my dependence.

I am alone on the job. There is no one "just like me" with all the "drama" that I can talk to.

God knows what He is doing, that's for sure. I am praying that I will give my burdens to the Lord the way He desires. It is a hard thing to do, especially since I like fixing things way too much.

The other thing I have had to continuously remind myself of this week: the good things that I can do for my students.

I will share a story with you about dependence. My students depend on me the way I wish I could depend on God.

As a class, we go swimming at a local community center pool once a week for adapted PE. Most of my kids are somewhat fearful (if not terrified) of water even though they have been participating in the swimming program for several years. Since I had lots of vision issues and sickness issues, I wasn't able to swim with my kids until this semester.

This past Tuesday, the adapted PE teacher wanted to evaluate each of my students one at a time to see how well they were swimming. I am asked for help from one of my students, and we swim back and forth across the pool several times. The student does a great job, but he wouldn't do it without me right in front of him coaching him.

My next student had missed the last several swimming lessons, and most of first semester's as well, so the teacher wanted to see how he would do. I said, "OK, S., let's swim!" and I held the board just as I had done for my previous student. The student made efforts to kick his legs and we were off, making little swirlies all around the pool. The teacher keeps yelling that the student is doing great so I keep him swimming for several minutes, continuing to coach. After awhile, I give the student a break and swim him to the side of the pool where the teacher is. The teacher says, "That is the first time S. has ever swam in this pool." I said, "Really? Not last year?" "No, he has never let anyone else hold the end of his kickboard before, so we could never help him swim."

I was floored. The teacher said, "You're the one. You're the only person he's ever trusted to help him do that."

When things got hard this week, I thought about that. I am the one that my students trust. They know I am not going to hurt them. They are the reason why I keep doing this job. It is hard, yes, but I know I can make a difference.

Then I helped my next student, who is non-verbal, who proceeded to nearly drown me, because he trusted me so much to keep him above the water.

Finally, I helped my last swimmer. He's a "wall hugger"--stays on the wall, doesn't want to swim in the deep end. When I got him off the wall and swimming, I was holding his right hand and coaching him while trying to not drown myself. While swimming, he said, "Mrs. S. will not let me go." So of course I said, "No, I won't let you go. You can do this!"

I wouldn't let him go. God won't let me go.

I gotta hold onto the good times....but more importantly, I gotta hold onto GOD and His protection and provision.