Beginnings are hard....and endings can be sometimes too

What a day.

I can't say much, but it was a rough one.

Unkind words.

Accusations.

Spite.

Harshness.

Brokenness.

Tears.

And working, working, WORKING.

When people spit in your face it isn't fun. We all experience this from time to time....here lately I have experienced a few of these days back to back practically...maybe that's why it feels a bit harder today.

What a good reminder of the experiences of Jesus. I am only slightly like Him now....hoping to become more like Him as the years go on....

Unappreciated He came into the world.

He hurt just like me today, but way more...and for a greater reasoning.

He experienced the looks, words, and actions of a people group that was not kind...

I only experienced one.

He overcame.

I hope He can help me overcome too...losing my hurt feelings, broken heart, and anger.

Oh, Lord, help me to forgive quickly and not dwell on the past. I want to focus on the future. Help me change the future for the better.

Better days. Better attitude about scary days.

And thankfulness for the good, sweet, joyous, berry-lishious days!!

Ebb and flow....

Some things end....

New things begin...

Other things end...

That is pretty constant in our lives. The give and take. New experiences. Some tame, some exciting.

But all ever-changing.

Another year of teaching coming to a close. I did decide to stay another year, but things will never be the same....two students are leaving me behind, and one new student will come into my life (hopefully calmly) in September, ready to learn new things and have thrilling adventures with us in our hillside community.

I will miss my boys. One a duck and train lover, the other, one of those "easy students." never steps out of line, practically runs when I give direction. A sweetie.

But change isn't bad.

Yes, it can hurt.

But in another deep breath, I can certainly say that it's been a great adventure. All adventures must come to an end, otherwise, there would be no "adventures."

My next adventure: summer school.

I will inform you that stereotypically, the kids who attend summer school are often violent, aggressive, medically fragile, etc. My new prayers are for no missing teeth. And no lascerations. I'm not sure why, but those are the two I would NOT want to get the most.

I have no idea how many students I will work with over those two weeks, but I do know I will have two separate groups (I was offered tuesday-Thursday and Wednesday-Friday, so it's 4 days per week) and most students have one-on-one aides. That means: lots of needs. And since our policy typically revolves around only aggressive students getting one-on-one help, I'll let you put the pieces together.

It may be a bit touch and go, but I'm excited. The more I work with different kids, the more my views and practices are pushed, plied, and tweaked. It's a growing opportunity.

So I welcome the change. I still think of my past students, still remember their names, sometimes dream of them in the night and then wonder what they ares doing....is S throwing rocks at police cars?....is K okay?....is D going to make it at high school?....is A able to speak now?

Today at church we heard a great sermon about remembering the past.

Remembering how God was faithful in the past, trusting that He will again be faithful to you. He will allow you to return after sowing seeds with an armful of wheat, a new crop, a crop that wouldn't exist were it not for His faithfulness.

In the middle of a drought, we still must sow the seeds, trusting that God will bring the rain, sprout the seeds, grow the seeds, fertilize the seeds, protect the plants from pests, and wake you up when it's time for the harvest. ;). Maybe even buy you a shiny new Joe, spade and gloves.

No matter where we may be at the present time, we must remember how God was faithful in the past so that we may trust Him to perfectly oversee our futures.

Because when there is no sign of rain, it's easy to go inside and be distracted by the million other things the world is throwing at you.

Today I am thinking about God and His faithfulness: past, present, and future.

Now where is that scythe?

The light between the clouds...

Whilst the craziness continues even today at work, from mid-week last week until now, I'm starting to see the "light between the clouds" with all of the rough stuff at work.

Even today as I am fussed at about putting sunscreen on a child's scalp to prevent that which I know all too well (the dreaded scalp burn), I know that there is good. I can breathe. I can persevere.

I am reminded that the truth will always set you free...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom....and that liberty is not being used as a cloak for vice in my classroom or in my life.

The truth guides.

The truth always comes out.

And if someone has an issue with how God has called me to run my classroom, then I trust that in the same way, the truth will reveal itself. What can mortal man do to me??

Annoy the slugs out of my garden, that is for sure.

But destroy my spirit?

No way.

Destroy my faith?

No how.

Destroy the way I view God; the way I view life; the truth God has graciously allowed me to perceive despite my iniquities?

Nope.

I am not using another ounce of worry for this situation.

I want to be Mary, choosing what is better, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, drinking it all in.

Not Martha, anxious about the sunscreen, the harshness, the lack of ability to please. The bleak outlook on exactly what is happening in the present, not the promises of what is yet to come.

I'm glad my mind could be quiet long enough to let me hear the whispers...

What happened last month....

Wow, it is already JUNE!~ And literally, I just typed "May" and had to delete it. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

Last time I wrote, we were "moving"....now as I write we are "living" in the house we have grown to love. We have been there a month--can't believe it! I have refinished wooden furniture for the first time, cleaned clumps of disgusting cat hair out of nooks I didn't know could contain cat hair, made jewelry hangers, scrubbed soap scum to the high heavens, grilled out, gardened, fallen in love with inanimate objects (a food processor and espresso maker, to be exact), and had a blast nesting. Goodwill here is amazing....the finds I have found!! :)

It was also one of the hardest months of my life. It is inevitable that each year, I have at least one student who is "extra super needy"...child services get involved....things get ugly fast....and before you know it, I can't sleep because of the worrying.

It's not good. It's one of my many flaws. But at least I recognize it as so (now)...not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father knowing...and He knows my needs, my students' needs, their parents needs, everything.

But OH ME OF LITTLE FAITH....(note pun on "Ye of little faith")....

How quick I am to depart from what I know to "what I think I know better..."

I can't be everyone's mom; it isn't feasible. While we were ready to step up to foster these kids, legally, family "gets first dibs." So again, here I am in this rough position where I constantly find myself....being refined in the fire to TRUST in God's plan for this "terrible situation" I see before me.

I am right where I need to be.

Between THE ROCK and a "hard place."

So many jagged edges, I'll never get out....but while I'm here, I think I should start listening harder to the Maker who smooths out all my rough edges.

"Let me help"

"Let me hold"

"Let me carry"

"Let me work"

"STOP."

That last one is the hardest. I can't stop. It isn't a concept that I've learned to proclaim yet...."I need rest!" "It isn't my worry!" "I need a break!"

Instead, I cry, "I can't take a break! What might happen?"

But that is where I am wrong.

While no one can "replace" a person, there is Someone who is way better than a "replacement"...in fact, He is the perfect solution to every situation! He knows what is best! He knows what we need!

And you know what?

He gives it to us, even when we are too stubborn to take it easily.

So now I am letting go of this situation.

I can only do my best to love; I am not a part of this "solution."

When times get rough, I need to get to my knees....not to really get to work scrubbing, cleaning, and fixing.....but to pray.

Because work and "trying" isn't the answer.

1 Peter 5:6-11:
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.