Whew. . . blessings in disguise

Howdy!

A little southern speak there...sorry about that.

It's been a hectic day and I guess I've gone country. But it has been great "checking off" my chores list. Friday I was horizontal all day, so my 4 loads of laundry had to be done after church today. It was rough going, but everything is put away, the closet is clean, and the bed is made. Yay!

Now I'm baking a spice cake...typical, I know. Lots of baking this month so far....I am baking two more times this week, too! For parish group I'm making apple streusel bars, then some cookies for our SPED meeting Thursday....then teriyaki chicken for the weekend! Lots of fun times at the oven!

So I had a break from work this past week and we traveled to San Juan Island to stay at Roche Harbor. It was a great trip---TONS of snow along the way! We got there and the forecast called for snow....but is was clear the whole first day. The second day, however, brought many inches of snow--the most I had seen in almost 20 years! It was amazing! We saw a whole deer family eating clover together, bald eagles (both of us for the first time!), and many fat robins. :> Chirp!

So why is this post entitled "blessings in disguise?"

I am almost constantly sick. This is a pattern in my life that has been constant since I was but a tiny tot, so I am not complaining when I say this. Just stating a fact.

For some reason, any time I leave home to take a trip. . . .even overnight. . .I always get sick. Stomach, head, sinuses. . .something is going to pitch a fit and try to ruin the trip altogether.

At first, I thought, "Here I go again. . . I am going to ruin this vacation being sick." But then. . .we were there to rest. My husband was totally content in looking at the snow and wildlife. We didn't have anything fancy planned. . .and we had not packed for the blizzard that entrapped us. . .so we mostly sat around in our fire-lit cabin playing cards and enjoying the snow. It was also good to have time to discuss our recent house options since we don't often have time together during the week.

Now that we are back on the mainland, I am finally feeling better. Sometimes, God has to "make me sick" so that I take time to rest (hence healing my body from the weekly "beatings" it takes at work). God allowed me to be sick during our vacation so that I would have to rest. And on Friday when I had many chore-related plans, God allowed me to have a "no standing allowed" headache so that I would actually REST.

I have trouble giving myself a break, if you haven't already guessed. Between all of the things I love to do and my job, there isn't much time left over to REST. And God says--REST IS GOOD! DO IT! NOW! But often, I just don't listen. Because of my stubbornness, God often has to allow me to get sick to get rest.

At least this is how I view my life. I really need to try to rest more so I get sick less! ;) Preventative care! Vitamins and supplements clearly aren't all a person needs to stay in good health, and I know that the Lord is looking out for me and HE wants me to take good care of myself so I can keep going . . .with a happy spirit and attitude because I FEEL GREAT.

So thank You, Lord, for helping me get some rest during my break from work.

Back to enjoying my cake baking.

Wow, what an amazing week!

As far as an update since Monday, here I go:

I received a call on Tuesday giving me an appointment for Wednesday at Harborview on Wednesday morning with a neurologist. After lots of talking, her viewing all my records from the hospital, and an examination of my eyes, the doctor stated that I most certainly did NOT have a stroke at any point. She also told me that she did not feel that I had a "brain problem"--this was most likely an eye nerve/muscle issue. She wanted for me to see a neuro-opthamologist (spelling? whew) to check on this problem.

After picking up some financial aid packets and such, we went over to the eye clinic where the "N-O's" (easier for me to type) work. My new friend who was with me at the doctor was willing to give up her appointment for me that was the next week because we were told there were no openings that day.

God put us in the right place at the right time, because one of the "work-up tech's" in the eye clinic came out, saw me teetering, and was like "follow my finger!" I stand out like a sore thumb with the vertigo, but in this case, the attention was good because she got one of the other "N-O's" so get me in THAT DAY!!!!!!

God was so good and orchestrated everything perfectly for this to happen. After lots of staring, following fingers, taking color tests, and having EXTREMELY bright lights shined in my eyes for hours, the doctor returned and finally gave me a diagnosis. Three weeks later, I can now tell people what I have instead of listing symptoms and confusing everyone. I have what is called "ocular convergence spasms" in my eyes, which means that my eye muscles are unable to relax. Since they can't relax and really honestly can't move from side to side, I am unable to focus with both eyes on one object. From what I understand, this will be a recurring disease, so once my vision returns this time (praying for next week when I remove the patch!!), it may do the same thing again. We shall see; one day at a time.

Overall, this was great news. In one day, I was assured that I had not had a stroke, a brain tumor, or a "brain problem"--so many blessings to hear! This was a great diagnosis, especially since the prior doctor has mentioned multiple sclerosis, which is such a debilitating disease. I was also REALLY happy to hear that I had not had a stroke.

For now, I am wearing this eye patch over one eye for a week straight, only opening it for the eye drops I have been prescribed. The eye drops are supposed to help to relax the muscles. After one week, I am praying that when my pirate patch comes off I will be able to see again. It is exciting to think about because I have been seeing double fore three weeks now, and next week it will be nearly one month. I will NEVER take my sight for granted again. . .EVER. It is so wonderful to be able to look at things and see the great beauty that God has created. Mountains, children, green grass, everything. Until next week, I am looking forward to seeing those things again with both my eyes opened. :)

So that is my basic overview. One random thing that happened was that my eye stayed dialated until YESTERDAY so when I tried to take my kids to lunch I would up being the one who had to be led by a co-worker! I freaked people out all day long with my HUGE pupil--it was so crazy! Inside light was fine, but the sun was a killer. I am also VERY thankful to look in the mirror today and see a normally constricted pupil. God is good.

A couple of AWESOME things happened this week while I was at work that I REALLY want to share.

On Tuesday, I wound up with extreme attendance issues. While I was talking to the attendance officer at school, the truancy officer was listening to me as I talked and explained why I was so confused--all my absences!! I had to go and speak with the truancy officer after that because two of my students had missed days and in WA, even SWD are included in the whole truancy court issue. I disagree with this, but that is another story for another time. I go in to talk with her and she says, "I overheard you talking about being sick. Are you okay?" So I gave her a basic overview of the issues and she said "Well I believe in the power of healing, so don't claim it." After that, I said, "Well, I believe in the power of Jesus, so I know that this is His will that will be done." She freaked out and was like "Are you a Christian?" So I told her that I was and asked if she was. She was so excited to meet another Christian at the school, and of course, so was I. She prayed over me and we had a great conversation. Before I left, she prayed over me. Once again, this was totally all constructed by the Lord. He placed us there and gave me that attendance situation so that I could be encouraged by another believer. What a great God we have!!

On Thursday, I had more attendance issues (WOW, REALLY>??) so I had to call the techline for help. Somehow, the lady asked me something that went to the eyes. It was a similar situation to what the truancy officer and I had. She said something, I said God, and we discovered that we were both Christians and she encouraged me and spurred me on. . . .and helped me log online to the crazy attendance website!! :) WHAT AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE!

So those were both totally God-sent examples of how the Lord will encourage you when you need it and He will never leave you. When I could so easily be discouraged, God has lifted me up. Thank the Lord for this awesome week and the blessed opportunity to talk about Him so much! Let Him be praised and given the glory He deserves!!

Another huge blessing was being given a ride home by a co-worker yesterday. She went WELL out of her way to bring me home after work when she knew I wouldn't have any other way except to take the bus. How awesome!

Now it is Saturday. My boo has to work, which makes me sad, but I will certainly have the opportunity to rest while I am at home.

Reading in Job has helped to give me perspective--this is so minor and NOT eternal. Doesn't even matter--yes, I can say it does stink and I certainly wouldn't choose this for myself--but I know that there are so many reasons why God allowed this to come to me! Even the examples of this week--so many doors have been opened to talk about Him and share His truth with others. Now THAT is eternal.

I thank you all for your prayers and I am so grateful for you!

Never more than we can handle. . .

God is just so amazing to me. . .at such a "rock and a hard place" time in my life, I could be in a dark, scary place all the time. Believe me, there have been two REALLY HARD days for me since all of this crazy eyeball-headache-vertigo mess had been going on. . . but God didn't let me stay there.

When I became a Christian nearly ten years ago, the first thing I read was Psalm 40. GOD HAS LIFTED ME OUT OF THE MIRY PIT AND HE HAS SET MY FEET UPON THE SOLID ROCK. . .HE HAS PUT A HYMN OF PRAISE IN MY MOUTH. . . .HE WILL EXALT ME OVER THE ENEMIES (even myself) AND WILL CONQUER!

God loves me too much to leave me in a state of dark, dreary, sadness. I cannot miss what "could have been" because if I am truly born again, I understand that God's plan IS BETTER THAN MY PLAN. None of this was in my plan. I want to teach, to change special education for the better, to bless and help others, to use service and loving to bring others to see the love of Christ. But look at what I have now. . .was that my plan? No. But I know God because He's been my dad for awhile. And if I trust in Him and remember the blessings of old, I will remember that God's plan is ALWAYS better than my own.

Did I plan to get married? Nope. Single. Taiwan. No boys. But now look what I have. . . .the best husband a woman could ever desire, a marriage where my husband is a true representation of how Christ loved the church, despite all of her "irrational, realistic, stubborn" ways. . . .and really, I'm talking about myself. On top of that, now I get to live in Seattle for the current time and this place is a city that I love. I love the people, I love where God has us. I love things that we have been blessed with here.

Did I plan immediately to be a special education teacher? No. I will be a lawyer. I will defend the helpless and abused. But look what I have now. . . .a desire and passion to help those in society who are MOST OFTEN abandoned, abused, and unloved. I can speak for those without words. This is a huge responsibility that is a little scary because God gave it to me and told me "not thy will, but my will. . ." and here I am. What a huge blessing it is to be reminded of how awesome it is to be able to do simple things. My students teach me more than I teach them most days. And now I have my own disability. I write to you squinting with tingly fingers. . .what is this a new challenge?

This us what God has shown me. . .that He will never leave me, forsake me, or stop blessing me. If that is true, then my new disability is a blessing. It willl give me the ABILITY to follow the path God has in store for me. I know that without this "disability," I can no longer follow God's path for my life. This is something HE has allowed to happen to me because this is a journey He has created for me.

And the best part is. . .I have people that God has specifically placed to be with me during this part of my journey. I have my husband who reminds me that the dark place is not okay when I do go there. He lifts me up, reads to me, reminds me of Job and others who have lost way more than me. I have a new friend who God specifically gave to me on Sunday to get me in to the best hospital in the nation (according to the news) THIS WEEK. While other doctors told me to wait and no one gave us answers, I feel certain that the uncertainty is about to be over. On top of that, this new friend has a similar health condition. Who better to bring alongside me than someone who has literally been where I am right now? GOD IS SO GOOD. I do not deserve this. I do not deserve to be this blessed. Because I understand that my salvation is based on faith and not works, I can believe that God does this. I can believe that God will make a path greater than I could ever imagine on my own. I can believe in the LOVE He lavishes upon me. And I can rest assured that He will see me through until the end. He will see me through until it is my turn to be glorified and never see another needle again.


My heaven is a place without needles.


What about you? I hope that you also have a love story so great as this. But unlike most love stories, mine will never be finished. My love story is one that extends past time because to God, time is pretty much pointless. And I can rest in the fact that my love story is one that leads me to prosper and not perish. . . .walk and not grow weary. . . .run the race and receive the crown of glory. Only God can write one like that.