Christmas Break

These days, it seems like I only have time for writing when I have a holiday...the last time I wrote was during my Thanksgiving break from work!

Here I am, finally enjoying my Christmas break. It's already the 2nd weekday of the 2-week experience, and I am already dreading January 3rd.

It seems that time up until the break DRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS like a parent up at 3am on Christmas morning....but once the break arrives, time passes by as fast as you can say, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!"

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my job, but I do hate the stress that it causes. Working 12+ hours a day, 5 days a week, gets to be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining after months on end. While I understand and appreciate perseverance as a good character trait, I also appreciate the idea of rest. However, it seems that others need me when I want to be resting. Even in my "absence" of leaving campus, I get calls from the principal. In the two days I took off after a full year, I had emails galore and a few disasters to fix. Bummer.

REST.

This is a foreign word to me. Even when I am exhausted and already extremely busy, it is very difficult for me to say "no" when someone needs my help or asks me to do something. I know my natural instincts: HELP EVERYONE, FORGET YOUR NEEDS.

But somewhere in there, I miss the fine line between "just the right amount of help" and "over-concern."

I just can't say no.

I love helping people. Ever since I was a young child, I have had interest in "helping" professions. Never did I once choose a profession to "be my own" that didn't involve some sort of crazy, super-human exertion: doctor, lawyer, SPED teacher...Peace Corps, missionary.

Here I am many years later....over-worked, tired, burned out.

And I've only been at this for 4.5 years!!

Supposedly, things get better with age....I am praying that over time, this temporary career becomes less burdensome. I love to help and support my students, but I know that I need to take care of myself, too.

In the meantime, I am finally celebrating the season: gingerbread houses, Christmas trees, an upcoming Christmas Eve service...all things that I look forward to about Christmas.

I can be very thankful to have made it to this Christmas and be blessed with being able to see without things appearing to be in "doubles...." very thankful indeed. I can also be very thankful that I have managed to survive my job to this point despite lots of drama and some very tough, challenging students.

But the thing I can be most thankful for is this: that where my strength gives out, God's strength does not. When my patience gives out, God's patience does not. When my will to keep going gives out, God's does not.

....and when all my enemies are stacked against me, God is there. I know He is. He is the reason I've made it thus far and the reason that I will keep going and do so (to the best of my ability) with integrity.

I am VERY VERY thankful for God.

Christmas

We were decorating for the holidays and I brought....

An advent calendar
Basket
Cookies
Doughnut
Eggnog
Fir tree
Gingerbread house
Hohoho
Icicles
Jack and the beanstalk
Kit-kats shaped like Santa
Lemongrass smoothie
Milk
Noel
Oreos dipped in white chocolate
Peppermint pattie
Queens tea
Reindeer
Snowflakes
Truffles
Underside of a Christmas tree
Velcro
White Christmas
Xylophone
Yuletide cheer
Zeal for Christmas.

Apparently, we really enjoy playing this game on the road. We have a tree on top of our car and we are almost home to decorate!!!

Skiing toward the holidays...

Well, it's been a hot minute since I blogged! Oops!

Here is our car game:

I'm on a ski trip to Whistler and I brought...
Andes mints
Base
Coats
Deodorant
Eyeballs
Furs
Gourds
Hats
Ice scraper
Jug of water
Kit-Kats
Lemons
Marshmallow fluff
Nanook
Opossum
Poles
Quail
Ring
Stuttering Stanley
Turkey
Upset stomach
Vacuum
Watercress sandwich
Xenophobic person
Yoyoma
Zebra

We made it all the way to the end!!

Over the river and through the woods, to whistler we go!

Welcome, Fall!

Well, today begins what officially seems to be our lovely fall season.

I am very excited! I love fall and winter--they are such fun seasons. Plus, I must admit that I have great disdain for summer. It has it's purpose and place on the calendar...but it is my least favorite season.

Now come the beautiful colors of leaves, the holidays, SNOW ( I HOPE!!), and plenty of time for sweaters, coats, and boots.

THE BEST!

Plus, last year I missed all of fall and most of winter...especially fall. I couldn't see at all during the fall, so viewing the shades of red, yellow, and orange seems thrilling.

Now if only the Lord would take away the nightmare I call work...but then what would I be learning?

I guess my continual faltering has a great future purpose. The drama may later proceed to having a fruitful harvest of "AHA!" moments.

While I'm living/surviving it, I can't see the immediate benefits of my current predicament. And it does feel like "survival of the fittest" at this point...

...but I know it won't be without good in the end.

I have to rethink this every five minutes. Tick tock.

My many names...

As followers of Christ, we are often exposed to new facets of ourselves....sometimes at an alarming rate.

We have many hats to wear, right?

Lately, I've been thinking of all the names I've ever had, past, present, and future. I will talk about some of them here, and others are just for me to think about in my own moments of "deep thought..." but no matter what, we play different roles in the lives of others...sometimes for a period, sometimes for eternity, sometimes until the last breath of life here.

All this to say, we can't sum up the question, "Who are you?" with only a few words or a sentence...instead; we are summed up in SO many words. We can't look at a person and place a singular label on them without considering the fact that we are only seeing one snapshot of a very oddly shaped person. Oddly shaped and still being molded, in fact.

Most of us start as someone's baby. In fact, all of us start this way, even if we aren't claimed, then opening up a whole new can of worms. As a baby, we are dependent on someone to meet all of our needs and desires. We need food. We need a rocking chair. We need a non-stink-infested diaper. ;)

Then we get a little feistier. We become either "son" or "daughter" rather than people simply referring to us as "the baby" (which happens by force of nature...and also sometimes because hey, you just can't tell!). Still having our needs met, but attempting to meet some of our own independently.

Moving on up, you get into that labeled crowd: the goody-goody (that was me), the jock, the really loud person, the bookworm (also me), the cheerleader, the drop-out, etc.

Finally, things start to get serious. The "CAREER" labels begin. You're a doctor, a lawyer, a cafeteria worker, a gardener, a teacher, a mother. A wife, then becoming a best friend on a whole new level, thus more labels! The best cook, the cleaner, the organizer, the queen of the social calendar, the hugger, the listening ear.

After you hit the career labels, you might take a sweep down "Specifics Lane," saying you're a "hard worker," level-headed, spastic, that you over-analyze everything, that you're a "Fixer" (this is me), or that you're a go-getter.

As a mom, you're a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a personal trainer, a psychologist, a therapist, a garbage woman.

As a teacher, I am a booty-wiper, a snot cleaner, a speech coach, a sign language interpreter, a mind reader, an expert at using google to find pictures, and a big fan of Boardmaker.

WOW!

So who am I really? To each person, I show up with a different label of who I am or who that specific person wishes me to be.

To break it all down, I think it goes back to that son and daughter phase. What we often do not realize that all of these labels that define us are our finite attempts to place labels on who we are when we just can't figure out what God is trying to tell us.

Hey, I think I'm good at this, I'll try it awhile. OK, all done, on to another label to figure out who I am.

I find myself being one of those very specific people, often forgetting that yes, there IS in fact just one word that I can describe myself was being...and that word is DAUGHTER. And since I like to be specific, I'd make a sentence fragment: "Daughter of a King."

Of course, from there, I could go on to make the diagram....but for now, I need to focus more on letting GOD tell ME who I am rather than trying to figure it out for myself or let someone else try to define it for me.

For now, I pray that I will allow God to continue to mold me into the person He wants me to be. Honestly, we are all still in the child phase and will continue to be there...we have a Parent providing our needs and protecting us even through our failed attempts at being independent....because at the end of the day, He knows that we want to be tucked in by Him even if we were "mad" at Him all day.

The end....or another beginning....

Another summer comes to a close for me...

Tomorrow is my final day of rest before the first teacher work day of another year.

This year should be interesting.

A new VP, the drama with my never ending battle against the people who are supposed to support me, new adventures at the VA Hospital in the kitchen, 2 new students, .... the husband in school, Special Olympics starting right away, ....

And thinking that next year there is an 80% possibility of me moving on to a different job. I've been thinking about possibly doing consulting teaching if I can find a position (kind of an administrative position over a few schools SPED teachers) or at least moving closer to home so I can bike and not have such a long commute....and I must admit I am hoping to find a more supportive place next year.

It has really been an internal battle to stay for this year. I have already signed that contract...but the more I think about it, the more I would just like to run away. The drama I have at work didn't exist for the last two months, and I must admit that I've never been more at ease. I want that. I want to at least not be so intensely stressed out about work and psycho parents...and absent administrators.

This is yet another reason why I am so excited that the hubby is returning to school....I am ready to not be the breadwinner/sugar mommA.

My second year at my last job was much smoother....I am praying that this upcoming school year will prove that the second year is half as difficult! Now that I've figured out who the best helpers are at the school and I know the majority of the kids from last year, I feel safe saying that at least there will be some things that are easier!

However, I lost two of my hardest-working, easiest students...and I am apparently gaining two more that may prove to be much more difficult. Only time will tell.

I know that God can do anything, and I am praying that He will make this second year a breeze. Last year was tough for SO many different reasons....and I trust that the Lord will provide me with some relief after surviving and crossing that finish line.

In other news, our trees got haircuts and I am currently hiding at a WIFI establishment to escape the pounding on our roof. While everything did not go as planned for our home improving summer, I am very thankful that both of these huge tasks are done as I stare another school year in the face. Additional home stressors are not needed when beginning a new year! :)

Until Tuesday, trusting that the Lord will provide!

It's Official

It's official!

Why so happy, you might ask?

My husband is completely registered for his classes for the fall semester! He will be taking three classes: PSYCH, Nutrition, & ENG Composition. That only leaves 2 for winter quarter: CHEM & a second PSYCH class!

How did all of this come about? Lots of hard work, diligence, discussions, prayer, and focusing on the future.

He has desired to finish his nursing out here, but waiting for our "in-state" tuition put that off until the beginning of July, which is when it all began.

The hospital the husband works at may not be his permanent stopping ground, so he was reluctant to try and have them pay for his courses. We are still going though the process of applying for financial aid, and we are trusting that the Lord will provide the funds to pay for at least 2/3 of his school. Currently, we've already paid for the three classes...just waiting to see if financial aid will go through because we may be reimbursed!

After these prerequisite courses, he will apply to nursing school in the fall of next year--the LPN degree is 3 quartears; the RN ladder is 3 after that....so this fall starts the 3 year countdown for my husband to finish his degree!

Very exciting times for him--so proud! God has already provided us with so much to be thankful for! He keeps on pouring out the blessings! Now there are only 5 prerequisites instead of 8! Amen!

Now it's really summer "break"

So summer school finished with a bang. Not really a bang, more like a really strong bite and a few mighty kicks to my shin!

Either way, a certain sense of accomplishment was felt upon finishing....extra money earned to pay for home improvements (amongst other things), more professional experience, new friends, the ability to get to know a whole new set of kids quite well in 6 weeks....it was a great experience.

Now what am I doing with my time, you ask?

Cramming in fun, entertaining and spending time with an out of town friend (a nice, cooler experience for her!), cleaning, baking, knitting (yes, I finally relearned and am enjoying myself), jewelry making, gardening, stocking up on groceries....and best of all....helping my husband to get started on his higher degree.

With his official ID number and welcoming email, he will start on his trek to the finish line: becoming an RN.

How exciting! I now get be a study buddy...it'll be interesting NOT being involved in the actual classes!

I am so proud of my husband for getting started. It is going to be a tough road ahead, but we will work on it together!

We are praying for him to get into at least 4 classes/semester so he can HOPEFULLY get started on the nursing program next fall! Our intent is for him to work full-time this year, then once he gets into the program we will have to modify that schedule at work....praying for me to be able to make up enough extra money between summer school etc. to continue paying for our necessary home repairs, mortgage, car loans, and his school.

Our specific prayer is that the Lord will provide us with 2/3 of his overall tuition to be paid for; we can cover the rest. God has told us to ask SPECIFICALLY and we trust that just as He has met our financial (and other) needs in the past, HE will once again meet these easily.

I pray for my heart to be CERTAIN that God will honor His promises.

I pray for my husband to persevere as he goes to school full-time and works full-time....and that I will not grow weary in helping him as I have done this before and remember the exhaustion quite well.

God is faithful. He has proven this a multitude of times over...and I trust that HE will do so again.

Thanks in advance. ;)

Ramblings of a teacher...

I've decided that someone out there has to write a book called, "You Know You're a Special Education Teacher When..." and fill it with anecdotal comments we find ourselves repeating/hearing from our students. 

It's weird, but yes, I am that person who loves writing down quotes. Somewhere on my hard drive full of pictures, there is a Microsoft Word document filled with hilarious quotes attributed to friends, students, and sometimes my own utterances that just don't come out right. I love remembering these things. 

So here we are...it's time for another list entry. You know You're a SPED teacher when....

1. You say, "When you don't listen, I have to take your squishy."

2. You have beads everywhere in your purse...because some kids really need a necklace. 

3. You carry gloves everywhere...because you never know when you might need them! This includes date night and outside of the school. 

4. You talk about poop stories etc. without realizing that others don't normally talk about this. This may include reminding friends that baby poop doesn't bother you. 

5. Self-stim behaviors of your students can easily be repeated when you tell stories about school. 

6. You discover that yes, you too, have autistic tendencies. 

7. You carry around stim toys and offer them to co-workers in a bind. 

8. You speak in acronymns. 

9. "Safe hands and feet" has great meaning to you. 

10. You start to think about ways to record yourself saying your repeated sayings so your throat won't hurt so bad at the end of the day. 

11. You wish you could put up videos of your students on YouTube because you know others would appreciate the humor, but you don't because of legal purposes. 

12. You understand that mayo, pudding, and ketchup all make up a new food group that isn't on the pyramid. 

13. You never sit down. When you get home, you forget you can. 

14. You tell your husband things in "If, then" format. You may also ask, "Was that the best idea?"

15. You know way too much about Dora, Thomas, Sponge Bob, buses, and trains. 

16. You love making tables using Microsoft Word. You also are very excited about organized data sheets using the same program. 

17. You wish you had a tape recorder because people would never believe some of the things your students' parents say to you. 

18. You walk/run to the bathroom very quickly. 

19. Visual aides are your best friends. 

20. You have "kids" whether you physically "had" them or not. 

21. The word "transportation" makes you feel slightly stressed that somehow, you'll be late or have to wait for a long time on hold. 

22. You sometimes state that your goal for the day is survival. 

23. No matter where you are, you watch kids running to make sure an adult is chasing them. 

24. You've been embarrassed in a public place because your student is a sneaky, sneaky food thief. 

25. "Hands out of pants" is a phrase you have to use often. 

26. Your students remember dates better than you do. 

27. Your students remember promises better than you do. 

28. When all else fails, every kid knows the words to "Jingle Bells" and "The Wheels On the Bus."

29. You talk about texture issues. 

30. You love Fit Balls. 

31. You understand how complicated it can be to explain a step-by-step activity. 

32. You love to see your students accomplish even the smallest goals. 

33. You laugh almost constantly because your kids are so funny (and sometimes you have to laugh in your head because you're trying to teach  more appropriate behavior). 

34. You appreciate simple pleasures: a piece of chocolate, magnets. 

35. It feels weird when it's really quiet. 

36. Your kids have better dance moves than you. 

37. You congratulate people for good eye contact, good listening, and good sitting. 

38. You have to let your kids have a "run break."

39. Grocery shopping gets really interesting because you have a classroom of kids sneaking things into your cart. 

40. You enjoy working with your students so much you do all your paperwork on your own time. 


Being a teacher is never boring. Despite the hard parts, I absolutely love working with my kids. I never laugh as hard as I do about the things that they say....

Can't wait to make a music video this year--I have a feeling that's going to give me more quotes! I had an idea today...old school Mario from the first Nintendo! I can't wait to see what that will bring!

July and it's literal coolness....

Well, phone blogging takes forever, so don't be too angry for the length between my entries. I would rather write weekly lest I forget the blessings of grace, but free time is so rare for me this month!

In fact, we just had our first free weekend at least since December! Sad, I know, but my hubby works every other Sunday and we've been doing soccer with the kids lately...plus all the fun summer BBQs and such. It's been busy....but I've really enjoyed the change in routine.

Sometimes, a good ol' change in routine is really what I need to keep on going.

In the field of special education, there is much repetition. I teach the same things throughout an entire year. As a huge fan of change and newness, it can be difficult to keep going when you are honestly sick of money and repeating yourself. I love to teach, but God invented summer/holidays for this very reason....sometimes the teacher doesn't want to hear herself talk about the same thing again.

Don't be fooled into thinking I'm basking on a sunny beach this summer with no plans...I'm actually currently teaching summer school and about to start "respite care" (a fancy word for baby sitting--but I'll be doing some very worthwhile skill keeping activities)for a student I teach during the year.

Like I said, I love working with my kids (despite the stresses that WILL ALWAYS come), but I needed this change in routine!!

Summer school has been interesting...it's a camp experience for our kids, some of whom are doing well and gaining social skills, and others I find myself battling with each day. Biting, kicking, defiant behavior, and...booty dancing. Yep, it's just another day on the job.

I must also say that I've truly loved getting to know the folks also working with me at summer school...they are very dedicated to helping kids and I have appreciated getting to know each of them. We get no lunch break, barely get to restroom (ourselves) and are constantly running...but there is not excessive complaining as one might expect. It helps me to keep going to be working with these folks who also really want to get to the root of the problem...and help the kids.

In real life (AKA outside of the workplace), I've been really into cooking and making preserves lately. I went berry picking a week ago, and we will be going again this weekend...there is just something so fun about taking the whole process from the field to the kitchen!!

The hubby and I are trying to do as much yard work as we can squeeze in, but it's been a very rainy month thus far!!we finally made it out yesterday, after a grueling bike ride, and fixed up the front yard. The hard part is that our shrubs/bushes are out of control and difficult to reach! I've got to get out the ladder so my tiny garden can get more sunlight.

It's amazing to see how fast a bush will grow when planted in the good soil with sun and rain in abundance....kind of like how we ought to be, but so often, other ythings come to block out our sun.

In life, I strive to be the big bush...growing tall, grabbing the light and continuing to grow....but often I'm like my pumpkin out there....capable of big things, but allowing something to block out the Son from my full view. I pray that in the garden of my life, I'll be better equipped. Much like the shield and helmet, I'll need hedge trimmers, a ladder, and possibly some snail and slug spray....but with the right tools, I can take off and make a giant pumpkin!!

Thanks in large part to my obsession with the tastiness of pumpkin seeds, we are growing a pumpkin. ;). I hope he will make it!

Next month should be exciting...several weeks with no summer school before September arrives! These months have flown by...we've already celebrated our one year mark in Washington! Now it's almost time for birthdays and school to start again!

We take so much for granted in this life. Lord, help me to enjoy these days, these friends, this season. Who knows what you will bring next!

Beginnings are hard....and endings can be sometimes too

What a day.

I can't say much, but it was a rough one.

Unkind words.

Accusations.

Spite.

Harshness.

Brokenness.

Tears.

And working, working, WORKING.

When people spit in your face it isn't fun. We all experience this from time to time....here lately I have experienced a few of these days back to back practically...maybe that's why it feels a bit harder today.

What a good reminder of the experiences of Jesus. I am only slightly like Him now....hoping to become more like Him as the years go on....

Unappreciated He came into the world.

He hurt just like me today, but way more...and for a greater reasoning.

He experienced the looks, words, and actions of a people group that was not kind...

I only experienced one.

He overcame.

I hope He can help me overcome too...losing my hurt feelings, broken heart, and anger.

Oh, Lord, help me to forgive quickly and not dwell on the past. I want to focus on the future. Help me change the future for the better.

Better days. Better attitude about scary days.

And thankfulness for the good, sweet, joyous, berry-lishious days!!

Ebb and flow....

Some things end....

New things begin...

Other things end...

That is pretty constant in our lives. The give and take. New experiences. Some tame, some exciting.

But all ever-changing.

Another year of teaching coming to a close. I did decide to stay another year, but things will never be the same....two students are leaving me behind, and one new student will come into my life (hopefully calmly) in September, ready to learn new things and have thrilling adventures with us in our hillside community.

I will miss my boys. One a duck and train lover, the other, one of those "easy students." never steps out of line, practically runs when I give direction. A sweetie.

But change isn't bad.

Yes, it can hurt.

But in another deep breath, I can certainly say that it's been a great adventure. All adventures must come to an end, otherwise, there would be no "adventures."

My next adventure: summer school.

I will inform you that stereotypically, the kids who attend summer school are often violent, aggressive, medically fragile, etc. My new prayers are for no missing teeth. And no lascerations. I'm not sure why, but those are the two I would NOT want to get the most.

I have no idea how many students I will work with over those two weeks, but I do know I will have two separate groups (I was offered tuesday-Thursday and Wednesday-Friday, so it's 4 days per week) and most students have one-on-one aides. That means: lots of needs. And since our policy typically revolves around only aggressive students getting one-on-one help, I'll let you put the pieces together.

It may be a bit touch and go, but I'm excited. The more I work with different kids, the more my views and practices are pushed, plied, and tweaked. It's a growing opportunity.

So I welcome the change. I still think of my past students, still remember their names, sometimes dream of them in the night and then wonder what they ares doing....is S throwing rocks at police cars?....is K okay?....is D going to make it at high school?....is A able to speak now?

Today at church we heard a great sermon about remembering the past.

Remembering how God was faithful in the past, trusting that He will again be faithful to you. He will allow you to return after sowing seeds with an armful of wheat, a new crop, a crop that wouldn't exist were it not for His faithfulness.

In the middle of a drought, we still must sow the seeds, trusting that God will bring the rain, sprout the seeds, grow the seeds, fertilize the seeds, protect the plants from pests, and wake you up when it's time for the harvest. ;). Maybe even buy you a shiny new Joe, spade and gloves.

No matter where we may be at the present time, we must remember how God was faithful in the past so that we may trust Him to perfectly oversee our futures.

Because when there is no sign of rain, it's easy to go inside and be distracted by the million other things the world is throwing at you.

Today I am thinking about God and His faithfulness: past, present, and future.

Now where is that scythe?

The light between the clouds...

Whilst the craziness continues even today at work, from mid-week last week until now, I'm starting to see the "light between the clouds" with all of the rough stuff at work.

Even today as I am fussed at about putting sunscreen on a child's scalp to prevent that which I know all too well (the dreaded scalp burn), I know that there is good. I can breathe. I can persevere.

I am reminded that the truth will always set you free...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom....and that liberty is not being used as a cloak for vice in my classroom or in my life.

The truth guides.

The truth always comes out.

And if someone has an issue with how God has called me to run my classroom, then I trust that in the same way, the truth will reveal itself. What can mortal man do to me??

Annoy the slugs out of my garden, that is for sure.

But destroy my spirit?

No way.

Destroy my faith?

No how.

Destroy the way I view God; the way I view life; the truth God has graciously allowed me to perceive despite my iniquities?

Nope.

I am not using another ounce of worry for this situation.

I want to be Mary, choosing what is better, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, drinking it all in.

Not Martha, anxious about the sunscreen, the harshness, the lack of ability to please. The bleak outlook on exactly what is happening in the present, not the promises of what is yet to come.

I'm glad my mind could be quiet long enough to let me hear the whispers...

What happened last month....

Wow, it is already JUNE!~ And literally, I just typed "May" and had to delete it. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

Last time I wrote, we were "moving"....now as I write we are "living" in the house we have grown to love. We have been there a month--can't believe it! I have refinished wooden furniture for the first time, cleaned clumps of disgusting cat hair out of nooks I didn't know could contain cat hair, made jewelry hangers, scrubbed soap scum to the high heavens, grilled out, gardened, fallen in love with inanimate objects (a food processor and espresso maker, to be exact), and had a blast nesting. Goodwill here is amazing....the finds I have found!! :)

It was also one of the hardest months of my life. It is inevitable that each year, I have at least one student who is "extra super needy"...child services get involved....things get ugly fast....and before you know it, I can't sleep because of the worrying.

It's not good. It's one of my many flaws. But at least I recognize it as so (now)...not one sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father knowing...and He knows my needs, my students' needs, their parents needs, everything.

But OH ME OF LITTLE FAITH....(note pun on "Ye of little faith")....

How quick I am to depart from what I know to "what I think I know better..."

I can't be everyone's mom; it isn't feasible. While we were ready to step up to foster these kids, legally, family "gets first dibs." So again, here I am in this rough position where I constantly find myself....being refined in the fire to TRUST in God's plan for this "terrible situation" I see before me.

I am right where I need to be.

Between THE ROCK and a "hard place."

So many jagged edges, I'll never get out....but while I'm here, I think I should start listening harder to the Maker who smooths out all my rough edges.

"Let me help"

"Let me hold"

"Let me carry"

"Let me work"

"STOP."

That last one is the hardest. I can't stop. It isn't a concept that I've learned to proclaim yet...."I need rest!" "It isn't my worry!" "I need a break!"

Instead, I cry, "I can't take a break! What might happen?"

But that is where I am wrong.

While no one can "replace" a person, there is Someone who is way better than a "replacement"...in fact, He is the perfect solution to every situation! He knows what is best! He knows what we need!

And you know what?

He gives it to us, even when we are too stubborn to take it easily.

So now I am letting go of this situation.

I can only do my best to love; I am not a part of this "solution."

When times get rough, I need to get to my knees....not to really get to work scrubbing, cleaning, and fixing.....but to pray.

Because work and "trying" isn't the answer.

1 Peter 5:6-11:
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Spring Break & Palm Sunday

SPRING BREAK, IS THAT YOU!!!???

Looks like it! My last week at work before spring break was pretty exhausting and busy, so it's going to take me a few days to fully recover. Between paper work, getting ready for the soccer team, dramatic issues, and an IEP meeting on Friday, I was very ready to spend some quality time with my husband, packing my home, and with friends.

So far, the break has been great. The husband and I were able to have a "date night" on Saturday evening, plus we were able to spend all of Sunday together as well. The best part was that it wasn't my husband's Sunday to work. Every other Sunday, he has to work while I go teach Sunday school and attend church. This is a huge bummer for us. We met at church. We got to know each other at church. And God is our foundation. So it is hard to go and sit at church without Him, so I must continue to pray and ask that this is only going to be for but a season. And until then, I can rely on the Father to grow us spiritually, together and apart.

Sunday was Palm Sunday. For Christians, this is quite a day. Christ rode into Jerusalem. People waved palm branches. Coats and cloaks were lain upon the ground to line the path that our Savior was to ride. He was acknowledged. All to come to a bitter, but key for us, end=the resurrection and death of our Lord.

How often do we think about what is takes for us to be made clean? I cry like a baby when I go to the doctor and have to have blood tests done...in a lab, with sterile instruments, and always someone holding my hand. JESUS DID THIS WITH NOTHING: Nothing but pain, sorrow, brokenness, and utter disconnect from the Father.

When I'm at the doctor, or no matter where I am, I can never know what that is like: I follow the Lord, He will never turn His face from me. But when Christ was on that cross, the Father DID JUST THAT. The things that Christ endured for me I WILL NEVER HAVE TO ENDURE.

Someone will always be holding my hand, pulling me up, carrying me. But Christ gave that up so that the will of the Father could be done.

I pray that as I enjoy my spring break, I also remember the wonderful things that Christ did for me on the tree. The pain endured so that I might live forever as that daughter of a King.

For that, I am thankful. I pray that I will worship the Lord in the way He deserves--as a righteous King.

HE IS A RIGHTEOUS KING!

Spring is in the air

Spring break is so close I can taste it. :) Or maybe I am just really excited for it! :)

Two weeks to go...and this week I even have early dismissal days, which is kind of like a little breather for me. Work has been pretty intense for the past month--so much going on, heavy-duty cooking projects, hard work at the VA, starting the work for Special Olympics soccer...whew!

On top of that, the hubby and I have been shopping hard to get good deals for the new house. Bargains are my favorite. I love getting a good deal, using coupons, and comparing prices. It is like a sport. Seriously. We got an amazing deal on a huge 10-12 seater table on Saturday, and today we got a half-off deal on a new comforter from Urban Outfitters. To top all that off, we got an entire table setting for 10 for just over 100 dollars. That included a dinner plate, a salad plate, and a bowl for ten people! World Market really pulled us in and the deal was too amazing to pass up. When we have folks over we tend to run out of plates quickly, especially if there is dessert involved, so finding that deal was a huge blessing.

God really blessed us with these deals and we are so grateful. Our current comforter on the bed is semi-melted in areas and the seams are all messed up. READ: DO NOT BUY BEDDING FROM IKEA! YOU WILL REGRET IT AFTER ONLY ONE WASH!! We are also saving to put a new roof in the house, so we are certainly still working with a budget. It is great to see that you don't have to EVER pay full price for things around here! I love living in a bigger city that appreciates the reduce-reuse-recycle deal for everything, not just trash.

Can I get an AMEN?? :)

We are already planning events at the house. We want to get some of those really cute lantern lights for the garden so we can grill it up in our new garden! :) What great fun that will be!

In other news, we have been given boxes to pack up all of our things again. I have moved at least 10+ times since going off to college...what a great relief it will be to move into this home and realize that I WON'T BE MOVING in one year, which has been my usual. Technically, it seems like we moved every 10 months....so I will tell you that a good bit of our stuff is still packed up in our guest bedroom's closet from the last move. That takes a load off!

My goal: to pack each day after work for a couple of hours until it is all done. Another goal: to not pack boxes so heavy that they cannot be lifted. :)

Welcome Home, Almost....

Well, the last time I wrote we had made a bid on a house...since then, we have been moving right along the path toward a new home...

After the inspection, it was discovered that we needed a new roof and some tuck pointing....and some other simple things inside the house.

We made a counter-offer, and guess what...they accepted it with no argument--so we are in! :)

While we were waiting to see if they'd accept our counter-offer, we prayed and prayed....we prayed specifically for no other offer to be returned...we were ready to get the thing moving.

God was faithful--no argument, a garden blooming in the back yard...and an estimate for a new roof, which will be created in July (when it gets dry here). God is so good to us--we are so thankful that He is allowing us to buy this new home...a home where we can invite over lots of friends...a home we can decorate for Christmas....a home where I can make delicious preserves and roll-out cookies without hassle. :)

This week, we are waiting for an appraisal...then just waiting for the sellers to move out of the house! Our closing date when we GET THE KEYS will be on May 1--very exciting times!

Until then, I will be faithfully packing up all of our things a little at a time...glad that I have a month to do this so I can do it slowly!

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

This week at work was pretty stressful.

I hate seizures.

On Monday, we started out the week with one of my students with NO history of seizures collapsing in the lunchroom. For a minute and a half, I prayed over this kid, MY KID, asking God to make it go away. It was the longest grand mal/tonic-clonic seizure I'd experienced to date...not a fun time. Thank the Lord that my aide and I were there to get him to the ground and that I am certified in first aid. No blocked airways!

I am so thankful that the Lord was in this situation and that the kid was okay after all of that...they are following up to see if this is a new disorder or what the deal is...but I am praying against regular seizures in my classroom. Too scary.

In other news, I am soon going to be coaching Special Olympics soccer--and we will be trained by the Sounders coaches! I am so excited to see that Special Olympics are here in WA--I was really missing going to the games and seeing my kids have the opportunity to succeed and be overjoyed while playing sports.

Amidst all the drama and exhaustion I feel at work, I am thankful to be certain that God can use me here at this job.

Yes, it's stressful.

But would anyone else be here to advocate for these kids if I weren't?

Probably not.

Whether or not my worldly bosses are pleased with my constant complaints/requests on behalf of my kids, I gotta keep it up. I gotta keep going. I have to look past my own discomfort and focus what is ahead...kids who feel better about themselves. Kids who feel success. Kids who (hopefully) experience God's love because I am there.

God, please help me to be a good example. Please help me to be patient. Please help me to love.

Waiting...we meet again

So lots of crazy events over the past 24 hours. :)

Last night we signed our very first house bid. We went and checked out houses all morning and afternoon and when we were done, we knew that the time was right. So we met for a couple of hours w/ our awesome real estate agent last night and signed all the lovely paperwork to send off to the sellers.

Now we are just waiting. The bid expires tonight at 9pm. The sellers were supposed to meet at 4:30 pm with their real estate listing agent to decide on whether or not to accept our bid and reach mutual acceptance on the offer.

It's 50 minutes later, I've been making jewelry and doing laundry, and I am again waiting to see if the Lord has this in our plan or not. I also had a delectable bagel.

In general, I'm very excited to be at this point in my life, as well as this stage in the house search project. We love to have people over. We love to have room for us to invite people with kids and know we actually have the space to contain them and the outdoor area for them to play. We love to host and delight and fellowship with friends.

So now we wait and pray that we can make the next step in making this a reality. God has been so faithful in meeting our needs thus far, and I trust that He will continue to fill our cups with just the right "beverage." God knows just what we need to be able to make an impact whilst we are here. We hope and pray that this house is "The One" house just for us...but if not, we are speaking in faith when we say "We are okay." God makes me content. God is what I need.

Yes, I would love to make this house into a home.

But do I have to have it? No. God has my life under control just the way it is right now. If He so chooses to entrust us with more by giving us this home, then I pray that we will be diligent in serving and worshipping Him there. I pray that our home will be a safe place for people when they need it, and a wonderful place for our posterity to grow up.

So now I am off to put our loan info. in order...it'll be interesting to see what the final verdict is!

A "battle" won...but almost lost

This week flew by so fast I am still thinking...."It's gotta be only Tuesday!" But I woke up bright and early and am still tying to convince my body that yes, it really is already Sunday and I am going to have to get ready for another week! :)

Last week definitely improved--way less drama than I had been a part of in the past few weeks, but don't worry--it's not drama free...leaving me with something to write about!

First, I have recently started teaching Sunday school again at our new church. I get to teach some kids and work with a friend--what more could you ask for?? Not much, by my standards. It is really a blessing to me more than to the church because teaching SPED sometimes means "forgetting what normal really is." Many morns and moons in the classroom often leads me to think, "Wow, so and so is REALLY smart!" or "Wow, he understands humor, putting him on a whole new plane!" But the truth of the matter is, my students are in high school SPED. Their lives will continue to be lived out in the frame of mind they currently have. When they are 50, they will STILL be talking about METRO buses and garbage trucks. I love them, and I want to help them have the best quality of life I can by training them in job skills, but at the same time, I also need to be around kids who are normally developing. This is a great blessing and a reminder of how to stay well-rounded. The way I share Christ with my students is through actions and love, words would not cross the barrier of mental capacity by giving a Sunday school lesson for those guys. I do speak to them about biblical truths like telling the truth, working hard, etc. in the classroom, but I do not speak to the extent that you could explain in a SS classroom.

So overall, I am thankful for a new outlet to be with younger kids (I love my high schoolers, but it really is AWESOME to work around younger kids....I have missed them!) and to experience a picture of what "normal" really looks like.

In other news, I have really been cooking/baking my brains out lately. Faculty meetings, birthdays, sick folks, parish group, supper club, my husband, etc.--all are great opportunities to cook, which is the thing that I probably enjoy most. I love cooking--you get immediate reactions, you are able to meet basic needs (whether that be hunger or just a "chocolate deficit" as one of my co-workers said!) as well as give something to someone that they will (hopefully!) really enjoy.

When we pass by empty store fronts in great neighborhoods, I think to myself, "That would be perfect for my place!" I have this passing dream of having a coffee shop/pastry place/southern casseroles place...who knows if it will ever become a reality, but I am sure that all of this practice is helping to get me closer!

So about my title--the BATTLE that I actually WON commenced on Friday, right after a very interesting phone call. For many months now, I have been battling and seeking assistance for one particular student who often becomes violent and needs to be removed from the room....problem was....I have no "time out" room and literally no where to take him aside from having his aide just remove him to the hall. A hall might not be so bad in some cases, but ours had lockers that could hurt the student, and he also was not contained so it was quite difficult to calm him in a place that simply wasn't calm.

Directly beside my classroom has been a counselor's office--poor guy! He has been counseling and holding meetings throughout all of my kids YELLS and the overall cacophony that IS my classroom.

It was suggested that his office become a time out room. The first issue was that it had a window, then it was an administrative decision, then it went on and on into drama.....

But you know what?

On Friday, I moved a huge desk where I wanted it in that very same office. My friend, the counselor, moved to his new office in a new building and I helped him carry all his goodies to his new "office with the view!"

So my SLP and I decided that overall this year, that is the third "big battle" I have won.

I moved things around and put up pictures and school work from my kids on Friday, pushing me to leave after 7pm! What a week!

I am so thrilled to be the new "owner" of the safe place. It is going to be such a great gift--if needed, I can have IEP meetings there....I can pull-out for small groups....I can pull out for testing!

All I can say is THANK YOU to God. I had experienced so many hurtful words about this Safe Place that I almost wanted to give up.

But God reminded me of His promises and my promise to Him--when the going is tough, I will lean on Him and do what should be done. I had to persevere. If I would've given up and stopping approaching the people that needed to be approached for this action to take place, then it may not have happened.

God, thank you for hearing my cry.

Whew. . . blessings in disguise

Howdy!

A little southern speak there...sorry about that.

It's been a hectic day and I guess I've gone country. But it has been great "checking off" my chores list. Friday I was horizontal all day, so my 4 loads of laundry had to be done after church today. It was rough going, but everything is put away, the closet is clean, and the bed is made. Yay!

Now I'm baking a spice cake...typical, I know. Lots of baking this month so far....I am baking two more times this week, too! For parish group I'm making apple streusel bars, then some cookies for our SPED meeting Thursday....then teriyaki chicken for the weekend! Lots of fun times at the oven!

So I had a break from work this past week and we traveled to San Juan Island to stay at Roche Harbor. It was a great trip---TONS of snow along the way! We got there and the forecast called for snow....but is was clear the whole first day. The second day, however, brought many inches of snow--the most I had seen in almost 20 years! It was amazing! We saw a whole deer family eating clover together, bald eagles (both of us for the first time!), and many fat robins. :> Chirp!

So why is this post entitled "blessings in disguise?"

I am almost constantly sick. This is a pattern in my life that has been constant since I was but a tiny tot, so I am not complaining when I say this. Just stating a fact.

For some reason, any time I leave home to take a trip. . . .even overnight. . .I always get sick. Stomach, head, sinuses. . .something is going to pitch a fit and try to ruin the trip altogether.

At first, I thought, "Here I go again. . . I am going to ruin this vacation being sick." But then. . .we were there to rest. My husband was totally content in looking at the snow and wildlife. We didn't have anything fancy planned. . .and we had not packed for the blizzard that entrapped us. . .so we mostly sat around in our fire-lit cabin playing cards and enjoying the snow. It was also good to have time to discuss our recent house options since we don't often have time together during the week.

Now that we are back on the mainland, I am finally feeling better. Sometimes, God has to "make me sick" so that I take time to rest (hence healing my body from the weekly "beatings" it takes at work). God allowed me to be sick during our vacation so that I would have to rest. And on Friday when I had many chore-related plans, God allowed me to have a "no standing allowed" headache so that I would actually REST.

I have trouble giving myself a break, if you haven't already guessed. Between all of the things I love to do and my job, there isn't much time left over to REST. And God says--REST IS GOOD! DO IT! NOW! But often, I just don't listen. Because of my stubbornness, God often has to allow me to get sick to get rest.

At least this is how I view my life. I really need to try to rest more so I get sick less! ;) Preventative care! Vitamins and supplements clearly aren't all a person needs to stay in good health, and I know that the Lord is looking out for me and HE wants me to take good care of myself so I can keep going . . .with a happy spirit and attitude because I FEEL GREAT.

So thank You, Lord, for helping me get some rest during my break from work.

Back to enjoying my cake baking.

Who are you working for?

Col. 3: 22-24: "Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."

Who do you work for?

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

This week was another very dramatic week at work. Without saying too much and lowering my standards of not slandering others to enhance my own sinful being, I feel that this is a topic I need to address to share with you the work Christ has done in me.

So who do I work for? Sometimes, I selfishly work for myself. I like lists. I like checking off things I've completed. I like to "get ahead" in my work. I hate when I feel slothful.

I also often find myself working for others. Deep within, we all want others to be happy with us. We are people pleasers by nature, myself certainly included. We want people to pat us on the back and say, "GOOD JOB!" I think some of this is because it is in our nature, as Christians, to wait for the end of a certain "good work" and hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." But should I desire to hear this from an earthly boss not unlike myself? Should I not be holding out to only desire to hear these things from MY SAVIOR? What can mortal man do to us or for us? Nothing as good as what the Savior can do.

In a tough spot on Thursday, I forsook my title as a child of God and really had a desire for an earthly person to gratify my need to receive acceptance, inclusion, righteousness, and overall "goodness."

This was wrong.

In the situation, I know for certain that my actions have aligned with the law of God. I know that when I stand before Him, I have done nothing wrong because I was obedient. I loved my students more than myself. I did not act unprofessionally or inappropriately. The Lord will not judge me as being a sinner because I loved others and was burdened for them. I did what I needed to do to please God and not man....so why did I want MAN to accept my actions as if he were the LORD? I cannot place heavenly expectations upon those who are not of the Lord...nor those who are of the family of God.

MY ACCEPTANCE AND INCLUSION IS NOT FROM MAN....NEITHER IS MY COMMISSION.

I have been so graciously reminded by the Lord that I do not have to seek acceptance from man. I do not have to account my actions to man.

I AM JUDGED BY ONE RIGHTEOUS GOD.

Why would I want anything any different? As we have all fallen short of the GLORY of God and sinned, I cannot expect a righteous act or decision to be made by someone of the world. No one, only God the Father in His great Triune Body, is righteous.

Since my ACCEPTANCE, INCLUSION, and COMMISSION are all from the Lord, I must remember to seek Him above all things, listening to Him when He tells me to speak, and being silent when I must be silent. I must remember that it is not to man that I will have to answer for my deeds...it is to the Lord.

I must strive on in this race to receive the prize in the end...I must persevere and not be discouraged by the world and the events that occur in my life.

1 Thessalonians 5:14-18:
"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

God, I pray for the strength and compassion to NOT pay back wrong for wrong. I pray that You will cleanse my heart. I pray that you will help me to strive for the good of others before myself. Please do not let me be disheartened when the road less traveled becomes difficult, when the brambles catch my clothing, and when I scrape my knees upon Your earth when I fall.

Forgive me for desiring things that are not important or eternal. Thank You for Your promises....and that Your joy is renewed each morning.

Drama....something that should be left to high school, soap operas, and people who like it....but mainly, dependence

So my week was pretty filled with drama at work. Nothing I will talk about here because that would not be appropriate or professional, but it has been quite stressful. Something about teaching special education automatically leads to a multitude of issues that require teachers to climb the "ladder of command"....if only you're smart enough to figure out the right ladder of command!

I work for a huge school system--I used to call the special education director directly in GA....now I must twist my way through a spiral of others via email, search and rescue, and practically stalking! That's what really makes all the issues rough....not having a specific person to ask help from; missing that self-contained friend I have had in the past. At my school now, I am the only self-contained teacher. No one is "just like me." No one has exploding toilets, perseverating, and self-stim. Just me.

And I think that's the point

God has placed me in this new, challenging, frustrating time in my life to push me to conquer my inner sin, as well as the challenges that meet me outside of my own sinful flesh.

God wants my dependence.

I am alone on the job. There is no one "just like me" with all the "drama" that I can talk to.

God knows what He is doing, that's for sure. I am praying that I will give my burdens to the Lord the way He desires. It is a hard thing to do, especially since I like fixing things way too much.

The other thing I have had to continuously remind myself of this week: the good things that I can do for my students.

I will share a story with you about dependence. My students depend on me the way I wish I could depend on God.

As a class, we go swimming at a local community center pool once a week for adapted PE. Most of my kids are somewhat fearful (if not terrified) of water even though they have been participating in the swimming program for several years. Since I had lots of vision issues and sickness issues, I wasn't able to swim with my kids until this semester.

This past Tuesday, the adapted PE teacher wanted to evaluate each of my students one at a time to see how well they were swimming. I am asked for help from one of my students, and we swim back and forth across the pool several times. The student does a great job, but he wouldn't do it without me right in front of him coaching him.

My next student had missed the last several swimming lessons, and most of first semester's as well, so the teacher wanted to see how he would do. I said, "OK, S., let's swim!" and I held the board just as I had done for my previous student. The student made efforts to kick his legs and we were off, making little swirlies all around the pool. The teacher keeps yelling that the student is doing great so I keep him swimming for several minutes, continuing to coach. After awhile, I give the student a break and swim him to the side of the pool where the teacher is. The teacher says, "That is the first time S. has ever swam in this pool." I said, "Really? Not last year?" "No, he has never let anyone else hold the end of his kickboard before, so we could never help him swim."

I was floored. The teacher said, "You're the one. You're the only person he's ever trusted to help him do that."

When things got hard this week, I thought about that. I am the one that my students trust. They know I am not going to hurt them. They are the reason why I keep doing this job. It is hard, yes, but I know I can make a difference.

Then I helped my next student, who is non-verbal, who proceeded to nearly drown me, because he trusted me so much to keep him above the water.

Finally, I helped my last swimmer. He's a "wall hugger"--stays on the wall, doesn't want to swim in the deep end. When I got him off the wall and swimming, I was holding his right hand and coaching him while trying to not drown myself. While swimming, he said, "Mrs. S. will not let me go." So of course I said, "No, I won't let you go. You can do this!"

I wouldn't let him go. God won't let me go.

I gotta hold onto the good times....but more importantly, I gotta hold onto GOD and His protection and provision.

Saving saving saving...

So we are saving up to buy a house...pretty gritty stuff, I know. Just kidding.

But seriously. I am so a psycho budget lady...I have planned out every paycheck until when we are planning to make an offer. Mid-April is that time, and by then, the budget is set to go so we can make a down payment and be ready to move in by June, which is when our apartment lease is up.

This is a very exciting time....looking at houses with our realtor, keeping a VERY detailed notebook outlining details about each one.....getting excited and then being let down....it's all a very tiring, fun, CRAZY process. We are really enjoying ourselves.

We have conversations about doorknobs....and paint....and vintage items....and tile....and backyards...

But we are loving each minute..

Each time we are let down, we remind ourselves to trust in the Lord...He has the perfect house out there for us. The one with the perfect ratio of already done--fixer-upper. :)

Today we think we found "THE ONE"...but a will see what God has to say about it. We don't have the down payment now...and who knows if it'll still be on the market?!?! But we are trusting.

Time will tell.

There is a time for everything....a season for everything under the sun.

We look forward to being able to be in a house and having others over....having dinner parties.....filling the house with kids. But until then....we wait. Hoping to maintain patience....

;)

The Year of the Rabbit

So Chinese New Year is coming up...I wish that we could go to Taiwan and visit with our friends who will be doing some major celebrating very soon! I miss Asia more than should be expected...I haven't been there since 2006. However, it made a lasting impact on my heart. Oh, how I love Asia. Oh, how I wish we could go there very soon. Jesus loves Asia, too, amongst other places. :)

But He gives each ones certain burdens, and I know that this is one I shall carry upon my heart forever. May God return my body to Asia one day...who knows when that will be....but I can trust in the Lord that He has a great purpose for my life here. I know that He will lead my heart and change my heart, just as He always does.

As I told my husband, I know that I could be content anywhere where I can make a difference. I know that can be here in WA. So if the Lord wills it, I will go. If He wills it, I will stay. It's as simple as that.

But that doesn't stop me from remembering Chinese New Year....

LOVE.